cockeyed is getting lame
posted by first | Friday 28th of September 2007 5:15 am

I did try it. I'm dizzy..... Barf! I need to lay down. Hey that was fun, lets keep trying it until it doesn't make me sick and dizzy. Mmmmmmm a pinch of Copenhagen between my cheek and gums.... Now I'm Addicted. Or at least I like it more than I don't *spit* .
posted by Scienkoptic | Friday 28th of September 2007 6:05 am

yummy cancer in a tin
posted by Molly | Friday 28th of September 2007 7:11 am

What was that Gin again?
posted by Glen K. Amo | Friday 28th of September 2007 7:55 am

Or "Skip the Bedtime Story" NyQuil!
posted by | Friday 28th of September 2007 8:20 am


posted by | Friday 28th of September 2007 8:20 am

What's the deal with the plastic can? You Californians are such wusses!
posted by snuff guy | Friday 28th of September 2007 8:26 am

From the company that brought you "Relax" cigarettes.
posted by AJ | Friday 28th of September 2007 8:42 am

what? i dont get it
posted by confused | Friday 28th of September 2007 9:08 am

Introducing "Put Up With Your Lousy Existent" Brand Marijuana. From the people who brought you "Drown Out Your Life" personal portable mp3 player/FM radio.
posted by hal newcome | Friday 28th of September 2007 9:42 am

Yo joke, but there is a wine brand called "Mommy's Time out." See it here: http://www.winerx.com/vsku1312996.html
posted by Dan | Friday 28th of September 2007 10:22 am


posted by | Friday 28th of September 2007 11:57 am

That's got to be short for "Copenhagen" brand.
posted by imp | Friday 28th of September 2007 11:58 am

Almost as good as "Just Deal With It" malt liquor
posted by | Friday 28th of September 2007 12:14 pm


posted by | Friday 28th of September 2007 12:36 pm

Isn't that shot for copenhegan? This site is really going down hill. :(
posted by Sam | Friday 28th of September 2007 12:53 pm

Arf
posted by Trailer | Friday 28th of September 2007 1:46 pm

I believe Cope is short for Copenhagen, which i gather is a popular brand in the US. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copenhagen_tobacco I was right! All hail me!
posted by mesh | Friday 28th of September 2007 2:10 pm


posted by | Friday 28th of September 2007 2:23 pm

Who knew that Copenhagen needed to state its sexual preferance right there on the can.
posted by Derrickgott007 | Friday 28th of September 2007 2:41 pm

I think it is short for 'Copenhagen'
posted by James | Friday 28th of September 2007 2:41 pm

Copenhagen, Yuck! Worm dirt...
posted by Wacky Tobaccy | Friday 28th of September 2007 2:52 pm

What the fuck!? Is this all you could come up with Rob!? This site used to be FUNNY and INTERESTING, now it's really starting to SUCK ASS. Apparenty marriage and fatherhood has drained all of your CREATIVITY! :-(
posted by Disappointed | Friday 28th of September 2007 2:58 pm

I think the CW stands for Cock Weasle.
posted by Shizzle | Friday 28th of September 2007 2:59 pm

Ugh. This site stinks.
posted by Who cares | Friday 28th of September 2007 3:09 pm

After reading some of the unhelpful comments left by others, I wonder how long Rob will keep the comments feature enabled. Why don't you whiny babies make your own sites if you aren't happy with this one.
posted by stern man | Friday 28th of September 2007 4:35 pm

There are 61 people on staff at The Onion.
posted by Otto | Friday 28th of September 2007 5:06 pm

I'd rather have a good update every 3 months than crap every 3 days.... OR have a 10 day wait for the next 3 sentences. BAH!
posted by BAH | Friday 28th of September 2007 6:29 pm

Because this site used to be awesome, now it's lame. We're all hoping for the old cockeyed back.
posted by @ stern man | Friday 28th of September 2007 6:30 pm


posted by | Friday 28th of September 2007 7:33 pm

Still digging the site, still annoyed by the bitchers. Don't be hatin', folks, don't be hatin'.
posted by Ben | Friday 28th of September 2007 8:59 pm

Dont hate on copenhagan. That stuff is mad hard.
posted by SMig Mcdouche | Friday 28th of September 2007 9:56 pm


posted by | Friday 28th of September 2007 11:28 pm

So, how was the chaw?
posted by McClellan | Saturday 29th of September 2007 12:18 am

disgusting
posted by spenser | Saturday 29th of September 2007 12:31 am

Menstrual bleeding, densitometric lining.
posted by Eric | Saturday 29th of September 2007 12:42 am

smoke me a joint
posted by hitler | Saturday 29th of September 2007 12:48 am

Dude, you hung out with Dave fucking Grohl!
posted by Boozewoozy | Saturday 29th of September 2007 11:06 am

Ok, first of, its a pun on words, of course its short for a longer brand name... but yeah, its funny ha ha ha, get it? and... if you are such long time readers, you have definitely seen when he puts small updates, like, yeah i'm busy at work i'll update soon. jeez, get over yourself. i hope there is another great Halloween costume in progress.
posted by ug, people! | Saturday 29th of September 2007 11:25 am

This would have been a "How much is inside cope?" and we would have had hilarious plays-on-word with "Cope" being used over and over and we would have laughed and laughed and laughed. Now I am going to go cry in the corner.
posted by Two Years Ago | Saturday 29th of September 2007 12:32 pm

OH my heavens, I hope you didn't buy that stuff!
posted by valarie | Saturday 29th of September 2007 1:35 pm

I cant believe that you are promoting tobacco use. Shame on you.
posted by rishi | Saturday 29th of September 2007 4:25 pm

Make it all better Bullets
posted by | Saturday 29th of September 2007 8:14 pm

I actually have a penis.
posted by Britney Spears | Saturday 29th of September 2007 8:57 pm


posted by | Sunday 30th of September 2007 1:32 am


posted by | Sunday 30th of September 2007 4:14 am

As a long time user (over 10 years) of smokeless tobacco, I'm surprised to see it took them this long. Thos of use hooked on Copenhagenâ„¢ smokeless tobacco have long called it Copeâ„¢.
posted by Red Kvneck | Sunday 30th of September 2007 4:43 am

Positively fine!
posted by Ryan Turnip | Sunday 30th of September 2007 4:50 am

And Jiz laundry detergent. PS this article is too short *L*
posted by CockEyedFan | Sunday 30th of September 2007 4:58 am


posted by | Sunday 30th of September 2007 2:00 pm

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
posted by blah | Sunday 30th of September 2007 3:17 pm

How's it taste? Cope-alicious?
posted by Cam | Sunday 30th of September 2007 9:16 pm

Chuckle. I think this joke is in line with the other content on the site. Sure, this is a little brief, but I don't think it's any more comedically complex than wrapping your car in aluminum foil. Also, kudos on the recent Checks Cashing / Liquor Store piece. Now, every time I see a check cashing place, I look for the nearest liquor store.
posted by Jessie | Monday 01st of October 2007 10:09 am

The best name I've seen is for a hangover remedy that used to be available in the UK called "Resolve".
posted by Snuffleupagus | Monday 01st of October 2007 11:41 am


posted by | Monday 01st of October 2007 12:40 pm

Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one? Took me a second, but I'm guessing the Copenhagen tobacco folks gave the world this gem of nicknamery.
posted by The Cowboy | Monday 01st of October 2007 2:29 pm


posted by | Monday 01st of October 2007 2:29 pm

Isin't it short for Copenhegan, a very large tobacco producer?
posted by Garry | Monday 01st of October 2007 2:46 pm

Hello, i used to work for UST, and kind of of still do. Im a college student and mainly do marketing and such so I know our products inside and out. The new Cope is supposed to be milder, more approachable, than copenhagan which has a more of alegendary image, they want you to think of a cowboy or ironworker when you think copenhagan, so this new product is geared more towards someone who wants the image of copenhagan but cant really handle it i guess. Just thought id throw you a little info, lemme know if youd want to know anything else.
posted by Dan | Monday 01st of October 2007 3:46 pm


posted by | Monday 01st of October 2007 6:26 pm

I loves to get me a nas big chunk batween ma lip and whats left of me teeth! Yee Haw that some good chaw! Mercy.
posted by Radeneck | Monday 01st of October 2007 6:52 pm

OR how about this your worthless and no man will ever love you choclates. On second thought that's a little harh how about WHORE makeup?
posted by Liselle | Monday 01st of October 2007 7:52 pm

That stuff is soooooo gross.. But hey, at least it doesn't affect the people around you (unless they see you putting it in your mouth)
posted by Ryan | Monday 01st of October 2007 11:24 pm

What a wonderful product. I have been looking for something to help me Cope with all the stress in my life. I am going to get another can now.
posted by Aaron | Tuesday 02nd of October 2007 10:15 am

Well, the metal lid makes it a health product...doesn't it?
posted by mc | Tuesday 02nd of October 2007 11:37 am


posted by | Tuesday 02nd of October 2007 11:37 am

GUESS WHAT everyone I THINK it's actually SHORT for COPENHAGEN
posted by On Deck | Tuesday 02nd of October 2007 6:53 pm

Yeah, it's actually short for Copenhagen, a company that's pretty well-known for it's chewing tobacco. If your looking for uplifting vice goods, the only thing I can think of is Goldschläger, and that's only for the fantasy of striking gold.
posted by Haley | Tuesday 02nd of October 2007 8:12 pm

"Save $1.00"!!! Wow, what a great bargain! Worm dirt has many purposes. Just a pinch between the cheek & gum will eventually mix with your saliva to a nice putty-like consistency, resulting in a nice crack sealing paste. Just a pinch between both cheeks will also eventually form a crack sealing paste. Enjoy!
posted by kes | Tuesday 02nd of October 2007 8:18 pm

don't play with mookey-sticks, smoke your cope instead!
posted by dudddd | Wednesday 03rd of October 2007 2:34 pm


posted by | Wednesday 03rd of October 2007 2:34 pm


posted by | Wednesday 03rd of October 2007 10:35 pm

>.< Come on COckeyed, get back to being awesome again. The light sharpener was so lame and now this.
posted by | Wednesday 03rd of October 2007 10:38 pm


posted by | Thursday 04th of October 2007 1:13 am


posted by | Friday 05th of October 2007 5:45 am

Hover Crafts
posted by Schmegma | Friday 05th of October 2007 1:03 pm


posted by | Friday 05th of October 2007 1:03 pm

penis
posted by penis | Friday 05th of October 2007 2:59 pm

1
posted by abc | Saturday 06th of October 2007 10:27 am


posted by | Monday 08th of October 2007 7:16 am

The Internet is for porn!
posted by Slammo! | Wednesday 10th of October 2007 11:31 am


posted by | Wednesday 10th of October 2007 7:50 pm


posted by | Thursday 11th of October 2007 10:32 am

I think it's just short for "Copenhagen."
posted by Aaron | Thursday 11th of October 2007 11:11 am


posted by | Thursday 11th of October 2007 11:11 am


posted by | Thursday 11th of October 2007 11:22 am


posted by | Friday 12th of October 2007 9:44 pm


posted by | Sunday 14th of October 2007 4:48 pm


posted by | Sunday 14th of October 2007 4:48 pm


posted by | Tuesday 16th of October 2007 3:28 pm

I believe "Cope" is short for Copenhagen which is what the product had been called for years. Kind of like calling Coca-Cola "Coke"
posted by | Tuesday 16th of October 2007 3:29 pm

Your costume is Harry Potter from the Puppet Pals!

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posted by | Tuesday 13th of May 2008 9:12 am


posted by | Tuesday 13th of May 2008 11:21 am

Read the intro.