Reader Feedback Week 2004

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Holy freaking cow.

Look at this auction, then the ending price $531, then the number of people who viewed the auction 102,000?!?!?

- Chris

[Collection of 129 Fast Food Condiments]

Compared to you I am only more thankful to Al Gore ("inventor" of the Internet) for providing the medium with which your extraordinary talents are so perfectly expressed through.  From science to pranks to the exceptionally riveting tale surrounding your speeding ticket adventure, I am drawn to visit your site at least every once and a while to be both amused and amazed.  The footer declares the fantastic as the sixth-best website in the world, but your modesty should not keep you from admitting the truth: that it's the forth maybe even third best website in the world, hovering somewhere around 47th in the universe. 
I look forward to the future of, its enterprising young creator and gaggle of assorted attractive friends. 
Thank you,
Hey there again,

I was just looking for jobs again, and found a website., that's exactly like you said, but it was different in appearance. This once actually offers you the audio tape for free online, and references herbalife, if you continue through with the process. Just in case if you wanted to know more websites that are doing it.



I LOVE your web site. You've inspired me to make paper mache sculptures.

My first completed sculpture will be a big giant hand giving the finger. I got the idea for that from my work.

Thank god your site is around to cheer me up when I'm feeling down at the office.



Hey Rob, as a lover of auctioning off crazy things on e-bay... thought

you might be interested in this e-bay story posted in the boston globe

this week.

Love your site. Ran into it by accident one day.

I'm glad you appreciate your readers. Us readers appreciate it very much so. It's good karma! What comes around, goes around. Us readers should organize " Appreciation Week". But anyways, I'm taking the liberty to include an attachment. The two blue Barbies were given to me as a Christmas gift from some friends. I'm as confused as everyone else about them. Ever hear of the Blue Man Group? I like to think of the Barbies as Blue Man Groupies. Beaker of the Muppet Show is hanging out with them (no pun intended! ha!). I'm not sure if he's shocked or confused. Keep up the good work. isn't just the sixth best website in the world, but the fourth best.


   A  peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the worlds most perfect food. You get protein from the peanut butter, carbs from the bread, and sugars from the jelly. Cockeyed is a lot like that.
Dear Rob,
Huzzah, feedback week! Just wanted to drop another line of appreciation. Your site is the bestest and has brought tons of coolness to the worldwide web. I've said it before, but it's worth saying again... I want to grow up to be just like you! Yay!
PS - Wouldn't you agree that this alien I've attached is rather hypnotising?

January 17th is my birthday!

Much love and BTW...YOU'RE AWESOME

Feel the love!!! Keep smiling!!!

Dear Cockeyed,
Muchos gratias for the report on Herbalife.
I came upon the Global Systems Online website by chance, and, I admit it, I bit.
I wasn't willing to put $ out just yet, however, and, the website gave me the option, that, if I had a problem, I could talk to a "coach" first.  I thought I'd get all the honest-to-goodness specs from the coach and would then be able to make an informed decision about investing.
My coach pooh-poohed this however, telling me that it would "make more sense" if I purchased the "Decision Package" rather than spending "2 1/2 hours" on the phone w/ her ( I live in the Orlando area, she in the Dallas area), answering all my questions.  This sort of made sense to me, but I think she made a tactical error.
When I asked what exactly does this business sell, anyway, she conceded that it was Herbalife products.  I told her I'd discus it w/ my "better half", and I'd call her back either way (Mr. Nice Guy).
Next day something prodded me to poke around the Internet to see if I could learn anything else, since she really hadn't told me anymore than the website - except that it involved Herbalife.
When I searched Herbalife on Google, I discovered, as of yesterday, that there were 1,690,000 Herbalife-related websites (Holy Shit!)  I checked the Herbalife website  itself, and learned that there are 21 distributorships that service my zip code alone!
Most fortunately, your website happened to be listed on the first page of the Google listing (the fourth one, to be exact). 
After I got done reading your report, I sent my coach an email telling her in so many words to forget it.
There are 2 things I'm still just wunderin'about, and I  was curious whether you might have come across them in your investigation:
- How exactly does a distributor make $ by selling another distributorship? Do distributors get a % of everything that's purchased by a recruit of theirs (from the Decision Pckg. all the way to the 800#), or a flat fee etc.? (It should be noted that my coach more or less dismissed the angle of selling Herbalife products, which she referred to as the "retail" aspect, and was pushing the "marketing" aspect which I think refers to selling distributorships).
-Are the success stories bogus?  They may be true, based on what you discussed about the first people to show up  in a market, and the principle that, in a market, sales will initially increase - then decrease.  However, the bullshit is so dense in this program that I'm tempted to think success stories are fabricated.  But this is just paranoia in the absence of good evidence.
Anyway, YOU DA MAN, Cockeyed.  I think the time, effort, and trouble you have gone thru to publish your info is truly praiseworthy public-spiritedness; and, fortunately, deflects born yesterday types like me from a potentially very costly and depressing experience - especially since I've been unemployed, and was only pulling out all the stops in order to try and get an income.
It's probably trite to say - but keep up the great, great work.  You've made me a fan, and I'll be logging in again in the future as I get time in between efforts to land another job.
Paul Collins
Winter Park, FL 
Hi Rob.
        You have the best stuff on ebay I have ever seen. 
Dear Rob,
I just wanted to thank you for providing information on the Herbalife company. Recently I became aware that a very close friend of mine was in "the business", as she calls it. From time to time I would hear strange stories about free computers and specials trips that she and her fiance would get through this company. I got very suspicious. The other day she invited me to their new apartment for dinner. I didn't really think anything of it until I walked in and realized that this had pretty much taken over their lives. I never thought that she was gullible enough to fall for something like this. With a bachelors in biology I thought she already understood the concept of proper nutrition. Unfortunately, now the kitchen is full of big, white bottles of "supplements". My 4 and a half hour stay turned into a plug for the company. With the exception of when the dinner was interrupted so that she could make 3 "business" calls-45 minutes gone. Forget making money working at home, this is more like- be brainwashed at home. At some point in the conversation my very good friend even said to me, "I'm just telling you all of this so when 'Bob' and I have tons of money and you don't, you can't say that I didn't try to get you in." This is NOT the friend I used to know. And I know it might sound dramatic but this Herbalife crap is probably going to end a friendship. I just hope down the line they don't lose as much as some of the people whose stories are on your website. I hope this doesn't freak you out, it just seemed like from what I read on your site that you had a good grasp on what's going on here. I also hope that my story can shed some light to others too. If you have any advice please let me know.
Thanks a bunch,
Kelly M. 
Dear Mr. Cockerham

You have been awarded the first annual award by the Society of Batzell for "Excellence in the Field of Popularizing Ameteur Science." This is actually just something I made up a few days ago but seeing as it is reader feedback week I thought I should email you now. I'll make a real Certificate and send it to you in the mail, with signatures and stuff. My friend and I (also amatuer scientists) will make it look really cool. I think the Science Adventures have gone too long without having really sweet awards. 


- Nick Batzell (founder)


A few months ago, I wrote to tell you how your web page inspired a prank.  I wrote to you about my plan to create a mascot for a local restaurant called Grady's. My plan involved several images of Whitman Mayo; he played Grady on Sanford and Son, Sanford Arms and his own short lived spin-off called Grady. I was going to place all the images throughout the restaurant in places the employees may not notice for a while.  I was going to put one on the front of the hostess' pulpit, the exterior doors, and on the exterior of the building as well.  As of today, Jan 16th 2003,  I have gotten as far as copying several images of Whitman Mayo and scoping out the landscape.  I don't know if I will ever carry out this prank, but should I someday do it, you will be credited as my inspiration. 
There once was a young man named Rob

Who did an incredible job

Writing a site

Scientific delight!

He's become an internet heart-throb!



Firstly, you rule, but you know that. I say that because it's great when people ACTUALLY DO some (or all, i dunno) of the weirdo stuff that pops into their head.

Thank you for that. Secondly, there are a few folks who found a use for their 419'er emails. They live over at .

It's really bewildering.




Yo Rob,

I just wanna say that Im a big fan. I have a question though??? Why must you discriminate against fat people? I wanna order a hoodie or a t-shirt, but I can't. How the hell is a 250lb, 6'1" dude supposed to fit into a Hanes Large? It is physically impossible. Have you ever seen a fat person wear spandex? I think it is against the law in most states and some small countries. He he just kidding. I would really like order something for your site in the future though. If its not too much troube, I would like a batch of XXL's made up for me and all of your other weight challenged fans out there. Thnaks bro! Have a good one.


You started this!

I want to know, How many peas can you shove up your nose?

This is just like when you calculated how many 76 antenna balls fit inside a Chevy Trailblazer. You can offer a reward for whoever guesses how many peas you can shove up you nose! You must admit, this would be a great topic for your "how much is inside" pages. Seriously, how big is your nasal cavity? Certainly you can estimate this. What are the diameters of your nostrils? You can talk to nurses, doctors, look at xrays, get an MRI, etc. Do you include the sinus cavity, or just the nose? At what point does the nose stop and the sinuses begin? How much volume does a pea take up. Would these be hard or soft peas? Would they mush up inside? Once you determine these you could easily determine how many peas could be nasally inserted mathematically.  Of course, everyone would prefer to see the manual method. The public demands it! This is the American way!  Think of the  publicity! You will get a billion web hits! You will be rich and famous! The world wants to know "how much is inside" your nasal cavity! The cat is out of the bag now. Your public demands that you shove peas up your nose. You must do this! The world is depending on you! You must shove peas up your nose! Be a patriot and shove peas up your nose for the good old USA!

Plano, TX

John Bittner

I just had to e-mail you and tell you that you have some hilarious auctions! You crack me up and all the guys on the forum I'm on ... hehehe

Thanks for the laugh. :) Good ideas!


There's alot more to this company than multi-level marketing and signs!  Do you know what HELPING OTHERS is????? Probably just know how to live your life wrapped up in what everyone else is doing that may PERSONALLY annoy you....Hey, have you complained about the SMUT on billboards, Graffiti on trains, bridges, highway walls, etc, or the ads for alcohol, pornography.....need I go on!!!!  DO SOMETHING TO HELP PEOPLE...MAAAAAAYBE You'll feel a REAL sense of purpose in LIFE!
Well Rob...
Greetings from Grand Valley State University, pop. about 21,000, situated in the lovely cornfields of Allendale, Michigan.
I personally, love your site. I was looking at pranks, and I happened across the Java City Lid prank. Well, I was like, dang, Java City, that's the name of the place on campus (note: our campus is pretty closed, not in a city at all...) that sells me my occasional mint hot chocolate. I didn't think this was the same place but sure as hell, the logo's are the same and the cups are the same. Java City is gross. That might just be the ones on campus though. Anyways, I guess the point of all this is that GVSU/Java City is trying to get sued by somebody (stupid) who spills coffee on them self cause we don't have any signs about lids. And it's weird that we have Java Cities and I'm sitting in my dorm room in MI and reading about them out in Cali, I thought Java city was a cruel operation run from the heart of GVSU headquarters down the road about a half a mile. Java City has one redeeming quality takes the "debit dollars" off my meal plan, which is free thanks to the federal government and Pell Grants. w00t. The appearance of Java City this year on campus however, ran out the much loved Afterwards Cafe just off campus. Die Java City, DIE!
Great prank by the way..if I had a laminator I'd try it myself, cause people around here would be offended and I would laugh. West Michigan is conservative, I'm from Ann Arbor, where the University of Michigan is, and it's pretty liberal, and I get kicks out of making people mad out here. 
Alright, keep up the good work
Thank you for the post card.  I really appreciate it. -- that's how I'd go if I didn't see regular updates to your site. Inquiring minds wanna know how much is in a roll of toilet paper! Make it happen.. and thanks for the inspiration your site gives me each and every visit. You and totally "blaze" a trail on the Internet!
Ranger Bob

Dear Rob,

I have been visiting your site ever since I saw a part on TechTV about the whole grocery card clone thing.  I wanna thank you for bringing so many laughs to me, and I am yet to find a site that is more entertaining than yours.  I also want to thank you because even though a lot of sites give into making money by putting big, huge, annoying ads on their sites, you are still staying strong and not giving in.  Even though i've been grounded lately, every opportunity I get I go to to see what you have new for us.

                                            Thank you,

                                          Dane, 17

Robots hate McDonalds

But they probably like you!

Happy Feedback Week!



I have been a reader of cockeyed ever since I stumbled upon it 5 or 6 months ago. I know not whether it is the creativeness of your work or it's absurdity that keeps me hooked. Whatever it is, keep up the good work. Thank you.
great site, rob. it owns. but moving on to more important matters:
i love nina. i would do anything for her. she is the best thing to ever happen to me, and nothing could ever change the way i feel, no matter what. no matter what either one of us says or what happens, i'll still love her. i just can't help it. she's so wonderful, i'm not worthy of having her as a girlfriend, but i realize how lucky i am and i damn sure do appreciate it. i love you nina. always have, always will.
thanks for the bandwidth, rob. thanks for the life, nina.
Did u care for the mp3 or no?

Also, send me some sun, it was 1F today. 1!! The funny part is that it

was 4 in Alaska, Sigh. Move to Alaska to get warm, that's a hoot.


His most royal freesin his hineyness,


p.s. Hows your finger? Im in EMS :) Remember, the story starts,

"There were these three guys hassling this lady..."

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