I think that it is better to be caught minimizing the screen than to be caught just blatantly reading thesneeze...just
as you are better off hitting the brakes when you see the highway patrol.
Simon Cowell
Wednesday 25th of July 2007 2:04 am
I think that it is better to be caught minimizing the screen than to be caught just blatantly reading thesneeze...just
as you are better off hitting the brakes when you see the highway patrol. |
 alt-tab |
 I work in an assisted living home and there's a computer lab for the residents--silly management! Old people can't use
computers! So it's always empty. Except for me... |
 I oftn catch my other half surfing for porn, in fact we are doing an up coming show about it , (shhh he doesnt know yet
) |
 It doesn't matter...props on the ColdFusion 4.0 book on that monitor |
 An office? What's that? Is that like, a place to get the ice off? Whatever, sounds hot. |
 In my office we have a code that is strictly followed in refrence to our at work private browsing. Some might even call
them "Commandments". |
 I made it with the nanny and no one cared, what's the big deal with a little private surfing? |
 I'd just bash the computers in a random office and see how many people try to stop me. That would settle their problems
and give me more great jackass footage! |
 Oh, first that stupid insurance company and now you? I know, "Private web browsing at work-- So easy a cameman can do
it." |
 I just deny it... or get in my car and slowly drive away. |
 That's the thing about cyber-space, no props to make up for my lack of humor. |
 Just use me, stupid! D: |
 asnhufwughaeRUog;ariewjgi;refgarfgjiefrnhlraen (Get it? I'm too drunk to type.) |
 I keel anyone who doesnt let me use da internet at work. |
 When I get caught, I merely turn around, flash them my sexy, boyishly cute face, and all is forgotten.
In some cases, I have to help them make pottery. |
 Wow, Patrick, you got old.
I just offer to s*ck off my boss if he catches me watching porn at work... I mean surfing the internet. |
 Hovercraft |
 I have to VNC to my machine at home so I can get to websites that are otherwise blocked by our firewall at work. |
 I'm lucky because I work with a web admin team who need to upload lots of things on to an internet site. They get there
own standalone broadband connected computer which is just next to my desk = no proxy + lots of private browsing. (Make
sure you delete your history, kids!) |
Get an iPhone... you can surf the web without using your computer... Duh. All the cool cavemen do it. |
 My computer is positioned so that I can see anyone coming into or even near my cubicle. When anyone is making tracks
to... *click* |
 My employer monitors all web access and sends my boss a monthly report. The good news is that I work from home, so I
just keep a second computer on-line that's not connected to the company's VPN. |
The quick 'Windows Logo+M' and auto-minimized taskbar works for me. My desk is semi-private (I sit in a hallway), and I
can hear people coming and minimize the screen to 'look busy'. Another computer I use is so public I have to resize the
browsing window so small and wide that I can only see one line at a time and implement a small mirror to check behind
me. |
 I keep the resolution so low on my monitors that no one over 30 can read them |
With ninja! |
 It was horrible.. my work had my cube backed to an alley where my manager walked past. Then we merged & moved & now I
have the back back cubicle.. and all kinds of browsing privacy. I suggest merger's to anyone! |
 With extreme terror. |
 Srufing? Waht? |
 Coldfusion 4.0? What is this, the dark ages? |
 I'm at work right now. Go figure. As long as the work is getting done and there are no adult sites onscreen, the boss
doesn't seem to mind. |
 I shut my office door. |
 On the Andy Griffith show, Don Knotts was always watching youtube videos on his iphone while we were rolling film. Andy
would start yelling at him when he screwed up the take. I don't know how much time we wasted because of that. |
 I fashion a computer and monitor out of my water bottle, a flint, and the clothes on my back. |
 I, for one, spend a LOT of time updating my blog. You may have read it? It's really good! I AM NOT A ONE-TRICK PONY.
Tell your friends!
Since I don't have any work or workplace, this is not an issue. |
 I fire them!! |
 I just spend the morning getting my boss drunk/high/both, allowing a worry-free porn-filled afternoon. |
 No one cares at my office. Literally. No one. |
 Damn I'm hot! |
 We're not allowed on computers down at the dianetics lab. Problem solved. |
 As you can see from visiting chrismeloni.com, my normal facial expression looks very unfriendly. So no one would mess
with me. Also, I have serious daddy issues. Visit chrismeloni.com, everybody! |
 Arr. Have them maties drink some of me Rum. Arr! |
 My bosses put up a proxy server so we can only visit "approved" sites related to work. Fortunately, if you make
friendly with a manager, they'll disable the proxy for you. |
WebSense gets rid of all the fun stuff. |
I have my desk just so that the monitor would be facing away from the door to my office. I often have a separate window
up with entertainment pages and then alt-tab to the other window I have up with work stuff if someone comes in. It
helps to hide your toolbar so that if they walk around your desk for something, they can't glance and see the other
pages open or the title of said pages. |
I simply browse the web under the guise of looking for someone's phone number in my contacts list. Brilliant! |
 The alt-tab combination to toggle from the wonders of cockeyed.com to the drudgery of an excel spreadsheet. |
If everyone does it, it gains acceptance. |
 It is played with ferocity at my job - and i am winning. haza! Sidenote though: i work in technology and am friendly
with our ISA (internet security) guy. Which throws in an interesting wrench in this game. He can easily check the
logs to see how much time we spend surfing the web. And occasionally does so just to be a douche. |
I got all the time in the world to surf since I just keep losing all my business to Dytek! :-/ |
Suck it. |
 My monitor faces away from my door. Alt Tab is the master. Keep a excel spreadsheet open at all times. |
 in my office... if i find somebody not doing there job... i give them busters job. |
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???? |
No worries when you only have a flint, a small knife and only your survival skills from being in the British Special
Forces.
If anyone sees me minimizing some illegal content in my office, I usually sinch my shoelaces together and slip up a
nearby tall file cabinet and wait it out till nightfall |
Mouse gestures allow for easy one hand minimizing of windows without even looking at the screen =) |
 I distract everyone with an annoying lisp and magic. |
 *Waves hand*
These are not the Internets you are looking for. They can go about their business. Move along |
What's a Internet? |
It's actually funny, because as I was reading this post I had to "disguise" what I was reading as someone walked by. My
usual method is to quickly scroll to the bottom of the screen, which normally contains innocuous text and no large
pictures that give away the fact that I'm reading something that is not work-related. In this case, some banner ads
and a comments box. |
 Is browsing kinda like shopping? |
 I programmed an extra button on my mouse to minimize the screem. Makes for a quick hide. Oh wait, I'm the president of
Viacom. I can surf whenever I damn well please! |
My office has been slowly and methodically shifted over the course of several years until the monitor is at the perfect
angle for private viewing. |
I don't work. That's hot. |
With a Mac, pressing command + H will hide almost any program, but certainly your internet browser. This, combined with
the ever useful hand mirror hanging on your wall behind the monitor (for checking your hair of course) is most
effective in allowing you to read comics.com in its entirety every day. |
 The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show and see if she likes the goods. |
 At my old job i closed down a window until it was only one text line of the smallest text possible for my browser,
removed the browser and bookmarks toolbar and just read the entirety of Wikipedia. People in the Cubicles next to me
could only see the top of my monitor unless the stood on tippy toes, and even then I don't think they knew what was at
the bottom of my screen |
I can look at wutever I want at my crib. I really love playing "Shoot The Rapper". |
Go to workFriendly.net, people! I am really shocked more people do not use this tool. You enter a URL and it opens the
page a separate window that looks like a Word Doc. Plain text, no photos (not very helpful for youTube addicts). But
keep in mind: You can visually hide your browsing, but IT usually knows who is online all the time. But, you should try
to actually browse less, y'all. |
There is a $25 solution to this problem:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/codergoodies/76ed/ |
 HOWHGUUBAHGWAAH!! |
What I did was stop going to work. That seemed to solve a LOT of problems.
I'm THE IPHONE! LOOK AT ME!!!!!! SOMEONE KILL ME |
Dammit, why can't I check Cockeyed.com while at work, so long as I'm getting everything I need to DONE??? Is Internet
use the ONLY metric managers care about? |
 I went with a social, not technological, solution. I'm the system administrator and tech support contact for my office,
and I've casually mentioned getting support from certain bulletin boards and that I keep up on needed knowledge with
certain news sites. Now, every site I visit that's got a fair bit of text is assumed to be some in-depth technical
discussion, not a timesink. |
Use Lynx. If you're an engineer, the text-only browser looks sort of like you're reading a man page.
I need to use your imagination for sites like utube, though. |
 Hey. I brought sexy back. You can't ask me to fix all the problems. |
 Last session I passed a bill that makes the browsing histories of congresspersons available for scrutiny and public
viewing. I do not care what my fellow public servants do, because their viewing habits will be seen by millions of
American citizens and it will be their own fault for doing something that jeopardizes their position. I also like
Obama Girl. |
I installed Messenger Plus! along with my MSN Messenger so I can just press CTRL-SPACE and all the chat windows are
minimized to a discreet icon by the clock.
For browsing the web, I keep my work maximized in the background and my browser window small so if I have to I just
click anywhere to the side of the browser and presto - my work screen
|
 In the end, the boss realizes that he is the one surfing the web at work, and fires himself.
What a twist! |
|
 Flashes of minimized facebook, warning courtesy of the wall length mirror mounted horizontally across my cube wall. |
I sit behind my boss, so I can see what's on her screen, but she can't see what's on mine. I can also see whenever she's
getting up, so I can change focus. |
Nobody cares, I browse all day. |
Another...productive employee... stolen by cockeyed? |
How about actually working at work & saving the internet browsing for personal time. |
Fuck you Verizion, T-Mobile, Sprint and all the others! NONE of you can have me! Neh neh! |
 Allah be praised for his blessings of Alt-Tab. |
 I simply look on a lot of women with lust and commit adultery **in my heart**.
Many times...
And no, I don't wan't to hear that joke about how I'm like the Key Bridge. |
 Nyah...! I know that joke...
You and the Key Bridge both go in and out if Rosslyn!!!
Nyah! Pinko liberal commie shack builder! |
I distract 'em with a shiny lollypop and a suave "Who loves ya, baby?"
Then I shout "Stavros!!! Crockah!!" |
I repositioned my monitor so it can only barely be seen by passers-by. The Harry Potter book is kept on my knees with
an open file on my desk. |
 I happen to work at home, so no hiding when I'm reading cockeyed.com, my favorite part of the internet. One Ping Only! |
 Alt-tab is your friend. |
 I have belly button lint |
I actually DID look at Cockeyed at work a few years ago. They gave me nothing to do all day, so, I didn't hide my
web-surfing. I had to do something to keep my brain from frying. Hey, it's better than sleeping on the job! |
I always make sure to have a spreadsheet I can alt-tab over to so my boss doesn't catch me stabbing people. |
 You should never alt tb out of my webite, christophermeloni.com, where you can actually buy an official
christopermeloni.com t-shirt, key chain, bucket hat, baseball cap and tote bag. |
This isn't the website I'm looking for. |
 Magic! |
in soviet russia, internet browses you when boss isnt looking |
windows button + d, whenever the shop master comes near. i know i should be sewing the nikes, but i need to know how my
myspace friends are doing. |
i'm johnny knoxville, welcome to the internets.
*football to the groin* |
I changed the color scheme of my yahoo mail to match my corporate email, so from a distance it looks like work. But I
pretty much gave up on trying to pretend I wasn't websurfing at work... it's much more embarrassing to guiltily close a
non-work window when someone arrives than to simply leave it open since everyone knows you're surfing anyway. |
 The keystroke capturing program installed on all the work computers also takes intermittent screenshots of the desktop
for total information awareness. Also, death squads. |
 Since I'm in a cubicle, I have no privacy. So I just try to listen for people approaching and minimize the window in
time. I'm sure everyone knows what I'm up to. |
 I'm freakin' Hans Blix! Who's got the stones to bust me for looking at gay midget snuff films on the Internet? Do you
think you're big enough to take on the Blix-krieg? Bring it on, and I'll make you my BITCH! |
Often the Father will catch me surfing. I have the monitor facing away from him but he can see through anything with his
omnipotent vision. That and the Holy Spirit constantly rats me out.
-Jesus Christ |
 Work at home, baby! |
I browse the internet constantly from the moment I arrive until the moment I leave, for months. Then I spend a frantic
few days catching up to where I ought to be, and hand in a slapdash work product that is nowhere near the quality I am
capable of, but at least at the level of quality of my co-workers.
My boss lives in a different country and can't tell. |
I'd go lose my mind if I couldn't surf at work. Well, that is, if I hadn't already lost it. |
Hi Ya'll, on my Mac computer, option+click on desktop hides the top program pretty fast. Or I click on F11 and "slide"
the browser off to the side. Thanks Ya'll |
Tabbed browsing + iGoogle! - Amanda |
 I work in an office all by myself. I'm going to be happy the day I finally get an assistant (I need it, my filing is
going to fall over and kill me one day.) But I'm mourn my freewheelin' internet surfin' days |
At my job it is fine to do whatever I please on the internet.... That is as long as I help patrons if there are any in
the lab. |
My boss moved me to a corner where the big boss can't observe my surfing habits. |
Working for the Federal Government, it's actually incredibly easy to slack off and surf the internet. I would say i
waste at least 30% of the day, and I'm one of the responsible ones. |
 God Dammit Debbie! Get off this page and get back to work!! |
 I always use tabbed browsing and will alwyas have at least one tab opened to a professional organisation or supplier
website, allowing quick fire transition from facebook to "burger King America" in no time |
A few years ago at school we got to work in the computer lab for some project for around two weeks and everybody was
done a lot quicker than that.
I ended up making a webpage with the top half being something copied from a website related to the topic, and the
bottom half being an embedded frame which I'd use to do my browsing in. |
 The computer in the hatch doesn't get internet. All we get to do is type in numbers.
4...8...15..16...23...42... |
Myspace was actually a blocked site from my place of employment. Luckily one of the engineers thought it was bull and
unblocked it for us after a month... no one has caught on yet and its been a year |
If i wasted time on sites like that, i would view sites like myspace, snopes, and cockeyed. |
I don't have an office, y'know why?
because i'm rich. |
 I'm feeling this, friend. My monitor faces the window of the Pope and dammit, I feel like a cad when I'm searching
NAMBLA. I just district the old guy by IMing him links to nunsgonewild.com and the church of fudge. |
 I do that too...but with books. |
 My desk is right out in the bullpen, so I have to rely on a combo of savvy screen angling, constant awareness of
office-mate whereabouts and movement, and lightning-fast minimizing reflexes. |
I make the browser window really small and place it near the bottom of the monitor - just big enough to read a column of
text a few lines at a time... that way there are no graphics or ads to give me away, and my actual work is taking up the
majority of the screen. No one notices if I just click on the already maximized window behind it when I hear them coming
by. As far as I know!!! |
In my office we shoot slackers who dink around on the internet. |
with swords and crossbows |
HAIRSPRAY BIOTCHES!!!1! |
Um... what was the point of this entry? Really... it went nowhere really fast. |
my boss doesnt care cause i was in prison and im a whore |
 ,nnbhvg |
my boss has software installed that monitors our internet usage and if we are fucking around while we are on the clock
he gets mad and yells at us. dont have time to browse the internet anyways, as there is too much work to do. tell those
slackers who fuck around on myspace etc to get back to work or come help me out with mine. |
What would I know about that? We have slaves, not workers. If the slaves slack off once, they get whipped; twice, they
get 40 lashes; and at the third, they loose the privilege of being mummified alive with the pharaoh. |
what's a computer? |
I was front desk help at a university and because I had access to student files, my computer monitor was under my desk,
and my desk had a window in it that showed the monitor at an angle that only I could see it, so students would be
asking me for help and I would be pretending to listen to them while I was really surfing the net or playing games
online! |
Doesn't matter, I'm all alone in the office, and haven't much work to do. |
I don't own a computer... for Africa. |
Surf the Web? I can't even spell my own name, apparently! |
I thought my name was Dennis? This is what happens when prying eyes make me rush through my daily surf... |
 I think that Adolf Hitler really needs to be added to the celebrity Comments sections. I'm sure he would like to chime
in on some of these discussions. |
 Hey Schwartzengeezer, why don't you stop reading Rob's site and sign the Colifornia budget? Eh? How about that? |
Well. Our school computer lab is sort of the same. It's generally known that if you have lots of internet sites open at
once, they'll group into one category known as 'Internet Explorer,' so if you build up like 6 or 7 the teacher won't be
able to see what you're looking at. The school firewall is pretty easy to hack, too. Generally if you Google the code
its the first thing that pops |
In the last job I had with web access we were told that yes, there was access, and that we'd be fired if we ever used
it. I'm ashamed to say that although I doubted their ability to detect net use (they seemed fairly clueless) I was too
cowardly to test it *hangs head*. |
 All outside websites are banned if they are deemed not-related to work issues. So of course everyone uses their I-Phones
instead. |
We shoot out the monitors, then shoot the offender. Guns are gud! Yay America and guns! More massacres weekly, all in
the name of "the right to bear arms".
Charlton Heston and the NRA are a bunch of fucking idiots. |
 Mmmmmmm Cookies.
And it's DeNiro by the way. |
 I just wiggle my butt and jiggle my boobies. |
 I borrowed the force from this little green dude, so it changes the screen automatically.
Hey, anyone else notice that I've been playing the character from Regarding Henry so long, it's become me? |
beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am the least funniest man in the world. |
 HOLY CRAP, I'm a freak! |
I run the IT department down here in Hell (yeah, really... Hell. Who'd have thought?) and we intentionally block a
single website beyond our standard parental controls: MySpace. Fucking MySpace is the scourge of the internet.
Facebook is getting pretty damn obnoxious too. We may have to make that our #2. |
It's played out just like you said, infidel. |
 I go out looking for real moles to run down. |
Alt - Tab is the key. Keep your fingers positioned on those keys at all times. Also, hitting random keys to simulate the
sounds of typing works well. |
Mike Gravel is a crazy old coot. |
I use a stealth switch when I can't hide my screen. Works great, but you may not want to tell all your co-workers -
when someone walks in and everyone clicks a switch people get a little suspicious.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/accessories/76ed/ |
I make sure that my monitor never faces the door. In fact a few supervisors/coworkers comment that they know I do this
so they can't see what I am doing! But as I am the highest-level geek in the office, I know they will never bother to
do anything about it, let alone try to monitor my web surfing ways. DSL has enabled me to compress an hour of goofing
off into like, 10 minutes though! |
CONSTANT VIGILANCE! |
 With no hiding! I have a basement office and fly completely under the radar!
I used to be exposed to anyone walking by and was bitched at for playing solitaire on my lunch hour. |
Tina's here -- we're getting back together! |
 I'm a lesbian! |
My boss is a fucking moron so I don't even remotely try to hide the fact that 90% of my time is spent doing absolutely
nothing. I am a drone. Thank god for higher education. |
I have a mirror that faces behind me to watch the door. |
 I am a professional window-minimizer so I have no problems with this. |
 no problems - when you're a billionaire with a blog, you can surf for anything you want. |
Funny that you should mention this, it's a daily conflict here on the anthill that I work at. I am typing this into a
blank email, later to be copied and pasted into your comments section in a "less than a minute" in and out of the web
routine that I am perfecting.
On a slow workday, I unapologetically hit my news sites (national, local, and hometown) for updates about 4 times a
days, no more than 5 minutes a session. On a busy workday, it's pretty much headlines only. Then there is the one
site that could get me canned (the content can be racey sometimes) if not careful, Marksfriggin.com, that posts a
detailed synopsis of that day's Howard Stern show. What can I say, I'm still invested in that show after all these
years and don't have to pay for Sirius by reading Mark's retelling. Besides, I have to work phones and can't use
headphones even if I could listen. I try to read it at lunch to avoid wasting time, but sometimes have to do it at
other times. To read it, I work that in the opposite direction of what I am doing with this post. I copy what I want
to read on the web and paste it into an email, making sure to delete the adds and pictures so it looks like a regular
email containing regular workflow. I've done this on lengthy news stories before as well. that is about as
clandestine as I get. I just hope the company isn't reading this now.
|
 I think a mirror is too obvious. I have tried using the silver side of a diet pepsi can, but it is too small and the
fisheye effect is a little too extreme. I need something silver and flat. Maybe a wedding picture frame, or a light
sharpener. |
Steal from work because work is stealing from you! |
Hey Rob, I just thought I would let you know that even though I am without question a huge lesbian, even I cannot resist
your sexiness. |
 I create a fort from my wife's burka and place it over the monitor and my head- like an old picture photographer |
 Yes I play with myself in my office all the time. Wait, what was the question? |
I played a lesbian, it was really hot! |
 I've had my web site "Hillary_goatse.cx" up for almost a year and I haven't had one hit. I blame a vast right wing
conspiracy.
|
You folks do know, that regardless if others can see your screen, the sys admins know exactly where've you've been,
right?
Don't go to any site that you would not freely admit to.
|
 the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes.
And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in
line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of
material.
What? Sen Stevens already said that? |
 One word: http://www.workfriendly.net/ |
When I'm at work usually I'm hacking into Alex Trebek's Myspace, Everytime I'm caught it is by a very attractive woman.
After she 'teaches me a lesson' I'll vacate the scene with my suitcase that turns into a gyrochopper. |
I have been known to club folks who catch me peeking at PENTCAVE while I'm supposed to be underwriting these damned
insurance policies. |
 I don't know, but I am replying from my work computer. |
Always make sure your chair faces the door, and your monitor doesn't. Clear your history and cache with regularity. Be
very proficient with keyboard commands, especially minimizing. If you're subtle, which I'm not, you can hit those while
you're standing to greet the person coming into the office. |
Alt-Tab Baby! |
It's all out in the open! |
 Lucky for me, I managed to move from a communal 4-seater cubicle (if you can call it that) into a vacant office to work
on a very important project (that was almost 2 years ago). I made sure my desk faced the internal glass walls. Since I
use Opera, I keep my hands ready to press CTRL+H in case of visitors. |
 I'm the IT Guy. I win. |
generally, Dwight takes care of this time wasting activity in our office. He will make all offenders run laps until
they apologize. He does let me look up pictures of babies playing musical instruments though....he's sweet. |
I just levitate while I'm surfing for porn at work, that way all eyes are on me and not on the monitor. |
 I just make sure I send all of the good sites to my boss. Then he can't get onto me for looking at them when I know he
does too. |
This better not be going on. |
 My boss put in a wicked filter on our server and makes us submit in writing why we need to go to any website.
Fascist. |
Scourge of the earth, you who waste time on Satan's internet. May the flees of a thousand camels infest your armpits. |
I'll send you a new photo - I'm with the KC Royals now. If you ever get to listen to a game on the Royals Radio Network
(the largest in the American League), sometimes you would think that I'm the first female major leaguer. One of the
announncers says my name kinda fast, and it sounds like he's saying "Margaret Zelanek"! |
The trick is to work in an office where your bosses do it as much, or more than, you do. Just about every time I walk
into my bosses office, (his back is to the entrance), I see ebay or comics or youtube. |
Believe it or not, right now I'm holding my eggs |
What? You mean those silver-dollar pancakes with the blueberry in the middle? That's not hot. |
Nothing gives a person away like excessive underarm sweat stains caused by the nervous anxiety of prohibited web
surfing, so I keep my pits shaved so the anti-perspirant adheres better. |
 The guy in the next cubicle thinks he's going to find a picture of me naked...but they're all fake. I'm a tease. |
What? No Ron Paul?
I heard a rumor that you can just set your wheel button to minimize the active window. Cuts seconds from your
minimizing time without steroids! |
 We make lame jokes about it! |
I curse their first born, of course. |
 Why can't you people just leave me alone?! |
 I wait until His Holiness has passed by my cubicle and leave myself in the hands of Jebus. |
 The click-click of ALT+Tab is commonly heard when I walk by people's desks. I can't say I don't use the very same
technique! |
 My monitor faces the whole office, so I keep the browser small at the bottom of the screen... my shoulders block it. alt
tab takes too long on my computer, so I just click on work I have open in the background when someone's coming, but I've
been caught a few times by the boss. Shit, I'm working my ass off the rest of the day! |
James Frey told me he uses "a million little browser windows" so as to make the one with personal content less
conspicuous. A simple mouse click puts you back in a work related doc. Also, hide the task bar. |
Webcam pointed out over the office, towards the door, can see if anyone comes in, soon as i see somebody coming I close
the browser... |
we don't have access to the internet at all :( |
I waste time throughout the day. I've got my own office and my monitor is not visible from the door. Apple-H to hide
my browser is a favorite hot-key. |
 rickey bobby! |
I have a convex mirror and good hearing. Firefox is positioned so that a work-related window can be brought in front of
it by sweeping the mouse up and clicking. |
It's in the hole! |
 Always remember to put your schlong away BEFORE hitting alt-tab. Otherwise you'll look pretty silly hammerin' away to
cockeyed.com. |
 I happen to like hammerin' to cockeyed ;) |
I have a big mirror on my desk so I can see who might be behind and spying on my screen. It hopefully allows me to get
my entertainment news minimized in time to be unnoticed. |
I could make a movie about this, or not. |
Uh, if you have to hide it you shouldn't be doing it. |
 I wish I had work. |
I'm just commenting to see my picture. |
 They keep moving my desk around, so I do a lot of monitor swiveling and keep that durn thing extra close to my face.
NEW ALBUM IN STORES NOVEMBER 14TH! |
VR goggles. |
When I realize I'm not doing what I should be doing, I get back to work or hang out where they keep the oats-I mean
water cooler for a refreshing break. |
 At my very enlightened call center browsing is perfectly okay if you don't have someone on the phone. Some sites are
banned, such as dating, streaming and porn, but I can read cockeyed as often as it gets updated these days. |
my brother (with whom i work) and i walked past the reception desk the other day, and the receptionist was looking at
the website for the "kegalmaster 2000." as we walked by, she turned and looked us. it all happened so fast that she
didn't even have time to make an effort to minimize/alt-tab it. you could tell that she knew she was cold busted. it
was funny. |
Surf the web in the bathroom! |
I have to cut and paste into a Word document while everyone is on lunch. Then I can read it at my leisure and it looks
(hopefully) like I'm actually doing something useful. Don't tell anyone! |
Guns. Guns. Guns. GUNS. GUNS. GUNS. Guns! Guns! Guns! Guns! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS!
With that much weaponry in my cube, it is very unlikely anyone will want to look my general direction. |
 Keep configuration file open. When the boss walks by, I quick switch to this, so all he sees is a bunch of computer
jargon, totally oblivious to the celebrity gossip blogs underneath. |
 Andy Dufresne had a computer that he built out of odds and ends that he "borrowed" from the library. He was viewing
on-line pornography in his cell one night and I don't think he knew the guards were coming. I heard them open his cell
and I thought he was going to get caught. That was the longest night of my life. |
 I used to work for a browser company and the browser needed lots of testing.
|
Since I'm not allowed to fight in Iraq, I have plenty of time for catching up with Stinky, Jobsworth and Wobblers on
Facebook, plus if necessary I can always play my "Granny is the Queen" card.
|
Who am I? |
Do your jobs you lazy yobs. |
I'm too busy getting my paycheck to worry about the internet. |
I build a computer out of four rocks, an old can, and a bunch of dirt, and the thanks I get is the bears laughing at
what I am browsing! |
 I say: "There is no computer, only ZULE" |
You are right |
When we moved into a new building, many employees complained of glare on their screens from all the windows & excessive
lighting. They were issued dark no glare screen covers. Hmmmm.....seems of all the employees reporting to me, the
only ones that had glare (and thus needed a privacy/no glare screen) are the ones with previous reprimands for
excessive personal internet usage. Amazing. |
Hillary! Show me your lies again! |
I'm pretty much my own boss. I just spend 20 mins arguing with myself then distracting myself with some amusing website.
So i got that going for me. Which is nice. |
 I used to tell my boss that his wife called to say she's popping by to see him and that buys me a good hour and half. |
My underwear is too tight. |
Well, I work in an office that is purely project based. The ENTIRE day could be devoted to web surfing and then the
next will be full of only work. I find myself sneaking on to keep myself sane on those days and on days like today I
want to write you begging to update.
Excuse me, I must chase a car now. With someone elses pants on. |
I have a mirror attached to the wall above my desk so I can keep a watchful eye on the office door behind me. I also
keep my company's website open in a tab at all times for easy switching. |
 I'm Batman... I browse... the NIGHT! |
I've been a fan of the Alt-Tab switch for many years, and at my current job, that is my "fake-out" of choice. My cubicle
is right along a hallway, so people are always behind me, and it sucks! |
 Keep your boss from snooping by distracting him with other things. Pull the fire alarm. Put something stinky in the
microwave. Install funny sound events on his computer, like making it play a new instance of the full-length "Stairway
to Heaven" every time he opens or closes a window. Forge a memo that says his wife ran away to Bermumada with Octavio.
That'll give you time to surf. |
 I'm fortunate enough to have my own office but when I hear the main door to my building open I switch to a work related
screen until I know no one is coming to see me. |
I work in Information Technology. My department provides support for all of the other departments, and we are mostly
unsupervised. Hence, we have no problem bending the rules. Besides, my boss is very cool. If he were to ask about a
website, I would just have to say we are reviewing it to determine whether or not to add it to our filter, St. Bernard
iPrism. |
When I come across my staff, well "the help" , surfing. I make a mental note to never let them unionize and then make
another mental note to grab a cheeseburger. Cuba has a much better method of dealing with this problem: they simply do
not have the internet.
Problem solved!
IF only our brainless CHIMP of a president could figure this out! |
I close my office door for a "very important call". |
I work in a grocery store and I'm fairly sure the only people that have computers are the owners, so they can do
whatever they want. |
I requested a privacy screen for just this reason and was denied (because they cost $250+). I am now negotiating to get
my desk turned so that the computer screen doesn't face the door. I'm claiming it's because I work on so many
"confidential" documents. Ha! |
When I was in a cube, I used to copy internet web pages into word documents to read. This only works on large
documents, like e-books etc, not short snippets like news stories. |
I think it is funny that we all angle our monitors away from the door & think we are fooling someone. Who are we trying
to kid? Your boss knows why you have that monitor set up that way! And that is why his monitor is set up that way!
Everyone does it & everyone knows why they do it! Wake up! |
I give the monitor a twist! |
I work out of the home. |
The Travellers don't care about buffer internet rules. |
 Try Winboss. Free and completely gets rid of the minimized window with a hotkey. |
They liquidated my office today. Subprime is NOT contained!!! |
I am offended |
I show people a video of me drinking my own piss... Then they know not to screw with me. |
Seriously? Why can't someone create a metafilter (is that the word? Anyway the same thing they used to create the
"malkovitch" websites where every word was malkovitch) that will take the website you want to see/read/whatever and
make it look like an excel spreadsheet or word document? Actually, if you could just remove the pictures from websites
but keep the links,you'd probably be fine |
There is no digital playthings allowed in my office.
So there, dirty American cyber-corporatists! |
 I always have lots of papers and things on my desk, plus another work-related window open to quickly cover up my
personal site. |
At our office, everyone is completely candid about it. It never usually gets worse than craigslist though. |
The computers here at FOX were meant for looking at pornography, actually. What? It's not like we do any research around
here. |
I used to paste the articles I read as text in MS Outlook. Of course, this won't work for anything with Graphics |
LOL |
3545 |
I am lucky, I stated that since I have tons of private information on my monitor (ssn's and stuff)that I should get one
of those nifty privacy screens. Now, you must be standing directly behind me to see the screen. Add a mirror and you
can't be snuck up on. Grab the office supply catalog and check them out. If you have no private info, just say you
need a glare screen for bad eyes |
I listen to the sound of footsteps. I know my boss wears high heeled shoes. Everyone else wears sneakers or a softer
sounding shoe. |
 I work from home. And I live alone. God, I'm lonely.
|
 I work for google. We're paid to surf all day in order to find new URLs for our search engine. When I find a new one I
write it on a piece of paper and put it in my bushel basket. When my basket is full I take it down to the data entry
department and turn it in for my cafeteria meal voucher. I'm getting really hungry so I better get back at it...
|
 This got to be a big problem at my office so they uninstalled the web browsers on all our computers. Now I have to do
all my surfing at the library because mother won't let me use her computer anymore.
|
In my office I seldom wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something exotic. |
I like to watch snuff films on YouTube while I am at work. |