How about playing a fireworks videogame?
Jimmy Kimmel
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:45 am
How about playing a fireworks videogame? |
 Teach your kids to repect and fear fireworks as well as firearms. |
 dissect a kitten |
 Diet Coke and mentos, anyone?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mentos_eruption |
 Pack of Mentos + case of Diet Coke = hours of safe but violent fun! |
 Buy the *biggest* TV you can afford (use your credit card if ready funds are lacking) and find a good DVD or PC program
of fireworks effects. Throw in a decent sound system for that extra *boom*. |
Page 11 of the Light Sharpener! |
 Try hitting a rock with a muskrat jawbone. |
 Mentoes + Diet Coke |
 Fill a bottle with dry ice and something else, i forget, but it will explode. also a heroes engine. |
 In my next movie, I'm going to explore why American celebrities love mentos and diet coke. |
 this isn't as safe as all their lame suggestions, but so long as you don't get burning bits of steel in your eye, it's
perfectly safe, and looks great: Tie a cable or chain or fireproof rope around some steel wool, light it on fire, and
spin it around. Sparks will go flying, and it looks great!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1rD0FFjt_o |
 Kids should have respect and fear of fireworks as well as for their own parents. |
 Beer |
 Guns are a good firework alternative |
 You need a license to drive a car. You need a license to hunt. You need a license to FISH, and fishing is hardly
dangerous. Why not have a training camp for the good little people on how to correctly engage fireworks. You have to
have a license to purchase and operate fireworks. |
well, around here, bottle rockets encased in glass bottles of gasoline appear to be popular.....
oh MORE safe.....
uh....tuna? |
 ice cream sandwiches! |
 Set up a big Diet-coke + Mentos display like those lab-coat guys. |
 Mix together household chemicals! Watch them change colors and give off smoke!
Roof-jumping!
Jarts!
|
Diet coke and Mentos "explosions" |
 Smoke lots of weed |
What we did for the fourth was significantly safer than fireworks and just as much fun - fire spinning! specifically,
poi and staff fire spinning. an impressive light show in the dark and you probably won't burn down the neighborhood. |
 They could at least have Pop balloons filled with air and confetti. Of course, if it was Mr. Cockerham these would be
filled with helium and the method for popping them would certainly be eye threatening. |
 I like to snort heroine and then cover myself up with a wet sheet in the tub. |
Wrap kids in bubble wrap; place in middle of room; wait for day to pass.
"Yeesh" is right. |
 Make all fireworks legal. Perhaps it will help weed out the stupid and slow. |
Have you ever tried putting popcorn in the microwave for a little too long?
Me neither. But it would probably be totally sweet. Or not. |
I mean after all, isn't it FREEDOM we are supposed to be celebrating here? |
Set a dead tree on fire |
You could wear a tie and be all punk and awesome! Then, four years later, become all girly and punk and awesome!
That's the best way to spend any holiday! |
 Let your kids eat a couple micrograms of some fine LSD |
 Hi |
 LSD |
You can pop balloons to simulate Black Cats. |
 Put on safety goggles. Then blow shit up. |
 Have your neighborhood bully punch you in the stomach until you see stars.
All the shock and awe of the 4th but your eyes will be safe! |
 Mortars |
 crashing your car! |
 Sobbing quietly in a darkened room all day works for me. |
http://www.midweek.com/content/story/theweekend_extrastory/passion_parties/ |
 Watch wizard fireworks, but don't let the hobbits touch them.
|
I like to celebrate by watching an orange fish swim through some green bubbles, or marbles or whatever those things are
around the fish on my screen all the time. . .
Look at them! They are Beautiful, Beauuuuuu-teee-full I tells ya! |
Fill a plastic bag with natural gas and light it. Makes a big flash but little else. Better use a small bag.
Carbide cannons! Order one from an ad in any 50-year-old comic book.
Those rockets that you half-fill with water and then pump up with air pressure.
Kites or helium balloons decorated with LEDs. |
 My dad always set the burgers on fire. does that count? |
 Eno's and water in a closed bottle always takes the fizz out of me... |
Watch fireworks on television. |
 Pour gasoline on the ground, stand back, and throw a match. It's fun, completely safe, and, if you do it on your
neighbors property, leaves no traces of any sort of damage. |
 Just be smokin' hot and walk around where there are lots of flamable nerd-types. |
 Put crunched up tin foil balls in the microwave...and watch the colorful sparks. Just don't let the tin foil touch the
sides of the microwave, and it should be safe and fun. |
 Ivory Soap in the microwave. It turns into a big, fluffy soap cloud that hardens when it cools. It's pretty neat. |
 Wasn't there something really cool with mentos and diet coke? |
Watch a professional fireworks display from a safe distance. Duh. |
I create my own fireworks. |
Build a habitat. Destroy habitat with fire. |
Replica guns loaded with blanks.
Dry ice in soda bottles (course, you'd then have the danger of shrapnel). |
Git to the chowper and stawt chooting at evrything! |
Get super drunk and eat burgers off the floor. |
ive got a good idea, how bout some fireworks!!!! i think that woman who wrote that little article, is just an
america hating writer. spending buttloads of money on stuff that is just a "flash in the pan" cool and trendy is the
american way. |
 Set your neighbor's hair on fire. |
 matches + gasoline |
 Shine a flashlight on my giant eyeballs. |
Mentos and Diet Coke.
Let puppies chase kitties.
Air horns on bicycles. |
Eat ribs |
Poke a sleeping hobo with a stick. |
 Allow children to view my glittering gold sarcophagus. |
One word: firearms. |
 High pressure water jets sprayed into the air with bright multi-colored lights shining through them?
Also I see dead people. |
 Do acid. |
Shoot your friend's ashes out of a giant glowing red peyote-shaped cannon. |
 1) popcorn
2) compressed air cannon
3) profit |
 use normal fireworks with saftey goggles |
 And now for the Talking Points Memo... Replacing fireworks is un-American and a ploy by the scourge of the liberal left.
How about using Fireworks as directed in a cautious manner? What happened to using a little adult supervision? Not to
mention the use of safety glasses... That should reduce 99.999% of firework injuries. And that's the memo.
|
s |
 semi-automatic 9mm pistols. they're even better than fireworks, and kids love them. |
 Up here in Placer County, where fireworks are totally illegal, we've resorted to dry ice bombs for the bang and road
flares for the flash. If you're unfamiliar with dry ice bombs, look them up on youtube. They sound like a shotgun
blast. |
place tin foil and muriatic acid in a 2 liter bottle. Screw cap on tight and run away. |
Well, you did an article about eye safety... couldn't they consult you? |
Drink a lot of diet coke and then swallow about 10 Mentos and see what happens. Since I don't think anyone's died or
been seriously injured from this yet (has no one tried this?), and since there's no warning about it on the Mentos
label (or the diet coke label), you (or your family) can sue heavily for this and make millions. I get 10% of your
profit for volunteering the idea; competition from that pesky ditech.com is killing me. |
water-balloon fights, with colored water (blue, red). |
 No need to replace fireworks -- sunglasses always worked to protect my baby blues. |
 Plop some dry ice into water-bottles (two thirds-filled, of course). Then, run! |
 Ice cube sculpture |
 Try cleaning up litter around the neighborhood, write a letter to a local politician, or bring fresh pornography to a
fire station. |
 Throwing a block of sodium into a lake. |
 Dry Ice Bombs! Liquid Nitrogen Bombs! Diet Coke + Mentos! Baby! |
Weapons of mass destruction. |
A ferret, a police whistle and a cup of milk |
roll of caps and a hammer.
(do they still have caps, and cap guns?) |
Campfire- purchase fancy salts that make the campfire turn colors (I bought some from the camping aisle at Wal-Mart)-
kids think it is magic!
|
 Have the kids look through a pile of 10,000 coins, searching for one with an image of fireworks on the back. |
If I WERE to light fireworks off, that is to say this is only a "Fictous" scenaro, a “hypothetical” post:
I would drive my white bronco down to the b!tches house, shove the fireworks down her ungrateful cheating throat light
fuse, and get away....only after slicing her and her boyfriend Ron's throat from ear to ear. Die! Die! Die!!!
Um... thats to say *IF* I were to light off fireworks. |
I like dipping my hands and other body parts in glow-in-the-dark paint, then running around the backyard |
I prefer hunting pheasant in the field with close friends to fireworks. |
Fireworkds, what's up with that? |
I recommend scotch. |
 Just let them lil niggas bust day guns. |
 Fireworks. That's hot. |
Hallucinogenic drugs would probably work, but might be illegal. I suspect I'm not the first person to come us with this
suggestion. |
Pretend it's 2006 again and the Diet Coke and Mentos experiment is still cool. Use different flavours of sodapop to
achieve multiple colours, and light from beneath to produce a lit explosion of colour and sticky sweetness. |
Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, you don't even -- you're glib. You don't even know what a Roman Candle is. If you start
talking about pyrotechnics, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these
expolsives, Rob, okay? That's what I've done. . . . You don't know the history of fireworks. I do |
And here I thought I was original with my Diet Coke and Mentos idea. Yeesh.
Uh, how about a Blue Man Group-style drum-fest using neon paint? |
 Nuke the planet from orbit, it's the only way to be sure |
Build Spring Shoes for them with mattress springs/
Love your site, btw! |
 ANAL SEX |
Diet Coke and Mentos! |
 WE'LL GO STREAKING!!! |
 There's always the put-a-lightbulb-in-the-microwave trick, thought that's probably more dangerous than the bar of soap
alternative mentioned above. Of course, a LIGHT SHARPENER would be better. |
 If you're already blind, you can do whatever the hell you want. |
 Vote Obearakscki |
 At the risk of sounding sexist...Only a female (but not every female would agree)woud make those "safe" suggestions.
Boys like the added sense of danget that comes with lighting fireworks. |
Fireworks ain't no walk in the park, lady. You gotta have the boom, zip, zooey, woooooshit or it ain't the 4th of July.
In other words...BRRRRRrrrrrip...man's natural gas is the only second alternative. |
? |
Where's Jamie?!? |
|
Wrap children in bubble-wrap and have them sit quietly in darkened room. |
Another person's eyesight lost to fireworks! |
 Hey, like, I'll go around the neighborhood and like, flash all the little kids! Will that, like, help? Like, by the
way, I'm not wearing, like, underwear, like, right now! Wanna see? |
Set a trap for the giant invading red pitcher of Kool-Aid. Dig a pit and line the bottom with sharpened bamboo shoots. |
 Mom...uh..my wife..says I can't look at that kind of stuff...I'll go blind... |
Strap on a belt of dynamite sticks and nails wrapped in pigskin. As a bonus you will enter the realm of 70 virgins
after detonation. |
 Light your farts instead. The only "eye" you might injure is ol' brown-eye |
 Surprisingly, rolling around naked in the snow is the *exact* same sensation as lighting bottle rockets out your a.
I prefer eating glass for money. Snorting coke and having unprotected sex with diseased hookers. It's the best! |
 My friends and I enjoy lots of cool refreshing coke. |
Re-enact key battles from the Revolutionary War using Super Soakers as rifles, and water balloon launchers as artillery.
I think "pre-Foo Fighters Dave Grohl" should be one of the public figure selections. |
 Alien Tech. Perfectly safe. |
This is kind of unrelated, but I've got to share this: My wife spent like 3 hours last night blabbing about how this
recent study showed that men and women both speak about the same number of words. |
My breasts make good fireworks |
You don't know fireworks.
I know fireworks. |
Have children spin in circle for 60-90 seconds. Promptly have them lay on the floor while you blink the lights in the
room on and off. |
Get drunk and hold up a lighter? |
We prefer making our own fireworks in the bedroom. Take for example last night: I had Phil dress in a english school
girls uniform while I rode makes the whole
night special.
Later we cuddled. |
 Once you realize that the fireworks are just replacing LOVE, the answer is obvious. |
Close your eyes and then rub them vigorously for exciting fireworks action. |
 Fwireworks: What makes them go boom? Watch my spwecial weport exclusivwy with Tom Cwuise tonight at 10:00. |
Hit head with rock. |
have the kids bugger one another with splintered toilet plunger, like the cops did to that guy |
Take a glow stick, tie a long string to one end.
Whirl it around and throw it high into the air (at night) and you can watch it fly up, and back down. Repeat. |
I know a good one called the "Flasher." I like this one so much in fact, that I use it even when it isn't the fourth of
july. |
 Play baseball with fruit. Nothing like exploding fruit to celebrate our countries independence. Bonus points for a
Watermelon home run. |
Weed and Christmas lights. |
Some people have called me fun like a firework. I am shiny, and big, and amazing. But these people are just trying to
make me feel better because really I am washed up and out of original material. |
Also, multistage water bottle rockets are pretty slick. |
 Chew wint-O-green lifesavers with your mouth open. The sparks will be nifty.
Or, scuff your stocking feet on carpeting and discharge the static electricity on the door nob for an 'electric' good
time. |
Go see a fireworks show instead of putting one on yourselves. |
 LSD |
 Duct tape a small container of gasoline to the top of a remote control car, then drop a match in. Drive the car through
a patriotic obstacle course. |
 replace fireworks with pinatas ;) |
Live chickens. |
Do you wanna see my implant scars? |
Give all the fireworks to the blind kid down the street...nothing to lose. |
I reject your reality and substitute my own! |
I see dead people. |
Germans love David Hasselhoff. |
 Try shoplifting! |
 mmm i'm Jude Law |
Take them to the gun range |
Buy reflective paint at Emigh Hardware and cover your man-bag. Add black light and lasers. Enjoy! |
 Put Pop Rocks in your mouth and leave it open |
Fireworks are generally safe if used according to instruction. For those who can't read the bold print saying to not
hold in hand, or not to aim at people, put the warnings in braille (tactile feedback), and in English, "if you don't
follow these warnings, you should start learning braille to read the instructions for the blind". |
You know what would help prevent CULTURAL blindness? If more people would listen to my radio show. That would open their
eyes, yessiri. With their eyes open, maybe they would start to understand that all the celebrations in the world aren't
going to address the critical problems which address this great nation! Instead of fireworks, they should be light
democrats on fire! Sure! |
Roam country roads collecting roadkill. Dress up as our founding fathers. |
Nothing burns better than the tinderbox of dissent brewing in the liberal left "ME"dia. Just watch out for sparks! And
Democrats! Cause someone's going to lose their arm, and when they do, I'll be there to beat a dead horse with it. A
dead horse that died believing the liberal media lies! |
 A pack of matches is enough fun for me! |
If you're doing stuff during the day, nothing delights children more than blasting water into the air so that it rains
down on everybody. Playing with water is a screaming riot! |
Thermite |
Gasoline in a coke can |
 Everyone loves glitter pasties. |
 Use a big jar of pepper to induce sneezing fits. Unless you are Mormon. Then it is probably forbidden. |
More fire! More! |
A good old fashioned potato gun. In case of potato famine, try an aluminum foil & "The Works" brand cleaner bomb. |
Where is that fool of a Took? |
 I like to make my own fireworks by firing up ol' Trudie with some rough, bareback Tantric sex. Never once have I gone
blind doing so. |
 Just have a competition to see who can hold a match for the longest time. Winner gets ice cream! |
Go see a mortor display (the big ones that shoot up in the air) No fire near kids and you don't have to do anything but
wrangle the little ones |
You can always light me on fire and watch me run down the street! |
Blind all children at birth, then fireworks could do no further damage |
AK-47s? |
Light sharpener, page 11! |
Lighting a match and throwing it in the air. The safest kind of fun there is! |
I always liked jumping up and down on Oprah's couch for some fun. |
 Check out the July 4th Inventory BLOW OUT at your local Ford/Mercury Auto Dealership! |
Molotov cocktails. You said terrific, not safe. :) |
 Power-Washers.
(And you can teach your kids how to police your neighborhood against fire-loving dis-loyalists.)
|
Listen to NPR |
 pass |
THE MIGHT OF THE HOLY OVERPOWERS THESE EXPLOSIVES THE INFIDEL USES TO OPPRESS. YOU CLAIM FREEDOM, BUT YOUR HOLIDAY IS
FILTH, DEBASEMENT. A POX ON IT. |
Get tattoos, shave your head and show the world your nether regions! Duh! |
Run around with a lit birthday candle tucked into your butt. Or a novelty flashlight. |
Three Letters:
LSD |
 Catching the guy that molested then rubbed chocolate sauce on that 22 year old woman carrying quintuplets. Then defying
what the chief says cause I play by my own rules. |
 Have a patriotic party-on-the-patiO with red, white, and blue light sabers, and serve foods from agalaxy far, far away.
Since they're from "off world," these foods can be as bizarre, gross, or exotic and delicious as you like. Kind of like
halloween in july. |
Blow up Parliament. (Or, if your political persuassion differs, blaze up effogies of Guy Fawkes.) |
 Can't be done. The only way fireworks can be improved is to make them fly higher, burn longer, flash brighter or bang
louder. Preferably all of the above.
PS I am a flaming homo. |
 Ok! Neon paint. A black light. um Laser pens? An inflatable bouncy jump thingy! water ballons and a garden hose! Whipped
cream canisters! Yeah! Chicks and guns and firetrucks! wait |
 Just light a goddam cigarette, have a martini, and vote that son-of-a-bitch out of office for fuck's sake. |
suck it |
Wear safety glasses when setting m-80's off. Works like a charm! Now, preventing blown off fingers, that I haven't
figured out yet. |
You can wave me around like a Glowing firework |
 Kids can draw fireworks, with non-toxic crayons on round edge paper. |
Sparklers are pretty cool and are mostly safe by themselves, but if you put a bunch of them together and wrap them up
with tape then that is dangerous! |
Balloons filled to the point of bursting with food coloring-tinged water. |
My name is Red, my voice is so smooth
I rap and voice over but my lips never move. |
I used to be hot- now I'm not |
 Put some dry ice and hot water (quickly) into a 2L pop bottle, and throw it away from yourself and others (also
quickly). The explosion is deafening. |
 sprinkle some fruit loops into a old coffee can half-full of water. Stir with a long wooden spoon and watch the colors
fly around!
|
Air Powered Cannon to shoot all sorts of "safe" projectiles |
 Mix up some baking soda and vinegar in a film container and quickly put on the lid. A small pop ensues - and can be
recreated for as long as you have a ready supply of vinegar and baking soda. |
How about a hard drive crash? That'll get their attention. |
 Air Powered Cannon to shoot all sorts of "safe" projectiles |
Cover a mountain lion with peanut butter and watch the red ants sting it to death. |
(With a slur) It's Soda! |
Cut liquor advertisements out of magazines and glue them to your Escalade. |
If the problem is explosions and metallic sparks flying around, why not simply set fire to something non-explosive, such
as a tree or fence? |
Beans and a lighter. Get a good sound-system and fireproof microphone for the extra "braaap" |
eat more glue |
Flaming farts! |
Marijuana |
Jackf! |
body paint! |
drugs.
lots. |
Let them inside my pants... There's plenty of fireworks in there. |
Drugs. |
Lots of fun alternatives!
Cook a hamburger like the Light Sharpener Page 11 shows.
Set off a camera flash at the focus of a parabolic mirror and aim the light across town, like you did in the Light
Sharpener page 12.
Cut out the black printing on white cardboard, leaving holes just where the words were, like Light Sharpener page 13.
Create a Disco Inferno using a disco ball at the focus, like the Light Sharpener page 14.
|
FLAMING LAWN DARTS |
You should finish the light sharpener... then melt me with it. |
1)put on blindfold
2)carry on as usual
*Will not protect others of blindness* |
strap them to the couch, let them have no fun, and show them the fireworks on TV. |
how about an IQ test to be able to qualify to buy fireworks in the first place. Or like a training course on how not to
be mentally handicapped while handling said fireworks. AKA don't look down the barrel to see if it's a dud, don't
point the bottle rocket at anyone, and if the thing begins to misfire, get everyone to run like you-know-what. |
As an alternative to blindness-inducing 4th of July fireworks, I suggest striking fear into the hearts of evildoers by
rigging a parking lot and causing a select arrangement of cars to explode so that when viewed from a helicopter the
burning hulks of metal form the shape of a giant "Punisher" skull logo made out of fire. That would be so awesome. |
Teach children to wear eye protection, like lab safety goggles. Children who are too young to understand lab or
pyrotechnic safety are too young for fireworks. Invest in a decent set and make sure everyone viewing the fireworks
wears them. You can compare this to wearing 3D glasses at the 3D movie, or even make it a game, like "evil scientist"
or "goggle-eyed robots take over the Earth." |
you :) |
setting the neighbor's hair on fire. |
First you buy some "fireworks" off the 13 yr. old/mad scientist/chemistry geek down the strret he claims to be 250 times
as powerful as your "m-80's". Blow chuncks out of your neihbors house. |
Madar koskesh! I show the evil Satan of the decadent West fireworks replacement! It's is called suicide bomb, I send one
to you soon. |
three words dry ice bomb |
instead of playing with dangeresque works of fire. Start a new exciting family tradition wiht your kids by going to bed
early on July 4th, and then waking up to do chores the next day. Its fun for the whole etcetera |
Yo Adrian! My face is all fucked up, but I still love you! |
Buakakke party!? |
guns |
1. Run around with scissors. Fun for the whole family!
2. Have the kids make tothpick glasses with glue and toothpicks! (Duh...)
3. Hit Shotgun Shells with hammers till they blow up!
4. Throw bullets in the bonfire you started in your backyard with yard waste and gasoline!
5. Bottle Rocket fights! Bottle rockets aren't fireworks, they're aeronautical expierements! |
Gandalf says to simply throw lit sparklers as high into the air as you possibly can. Make sure you're on pavement so you
don't set your neighbourhood on fire. |
How about setting a boring optometrists hair on fire?
Sadly, it's an impossible ask. Dangerous = fun. Safe = not fun. It's one of the fundamental rules of the universe. |
Let children take turns playing with one of the assault rifles from the family's arsenal. |
BRAAAAAAAINS! |
 poop fires on porches |
Mentos. Pepsi.
Think large. |
I spent the evening of the 4th picking lint out of my belly button. Then I ate it. |
 Wow, I've had my head inside his belly button - there's a lot of lint in there! |
Tire Fire |
Nothin' says "patriotism" like a few dozen molotovs. |
Close your eyes and rub them really hard! |
One word: SRIRACHA. No youngster ever forgets their first encounter with the rooster. |
Keep the fireworks, but only allow blind people to use them. |
THE LIGHT SHARPENER |
Old Andy was as good as his word. After only a few years of writing two letters a week, they gave him a stipend of 500
dollars a year, just to shut him up. And you'd be amazed at how far he could stretch it. He contacted charity
organizations and book clubs. He bought remainded books by the pound. And before long, Shawshank had the best prison
library in New England, with a fine selection of Hank Williams. |
I wonder if Rob really reads these comments. Here's a test. He keeps adding more and more celebrities to the list, so if
he reads theese, he'll add Stephen Colbert to the next celebrity comment section. This will prove that we're not alone. |
Try to find out how much is inside an acre. |
Studying knives very closely in startling environments. |
WHO AM I!?!?!?!?!?!?! |
Guns. Guns are safer than fireworks. Guns don't kill people, fireworks kill people, AND blind your children! When was
the last time you heard of someone being blinded by a gun? Clearly, they are the safer option. |
I think the youth of this nation should read my new book, "The Audacity of Hope." In this book I personally outlike my
184 step comprehensive plan to put not just one child's eyes out with fireworks, but all children. After a multitude
of mutually frustrating years, there will be no children left that could remember what a firework was, and thus when
the entire kingdom of hope is blind, there will be no more need for fireworks. |
 !gnimoc ees lliw eno on tsiwt a s'tI. yad eht rof sdrawkcab klaT |
(some joke about popcorn and fireworks) |
Safety. Glasses. NIOSH approved, of course. |
 Maybe they can just rub their eyes until they see the colors. |
Actually I think fireworks should be fine, so long as you don't let kids or animals near them and only use them while
sober. Or live in a big city and watch the real fireworks! (you're paying for them anyway!) :)
Thanks, Rob. You've given me a complex now because I'm not one of those famous people! |
Get someone who's already blind to set them off. Plus, they won't mind not getting to watch because they're already
blind! |
I know this is kind of lame, since I am the guy of Mythbusters. But Christmas crackers, and party poppers make a lot of
bang, and aren't so dangerous. |
 First you take an old ice-cream container, and you fill it with nitro-glycerin and some nails. Then... oh wait, is this
alt.terrorism.jihad? |
Help me! I was eating a burger, then everything goes blank... I wake up and I'm in a coffin? wtf? Where'd my burger go? |
i'm just a hunka hunka burning love |
Sorry about my last movie, everyone. |
Mmmmm.... Rob Cockerham! Every night in prison I thought about you. |
A 12 gauge shotgun, pointed away from anyone's eyes, is a real nice alternative. ;) |
Rather than simply lighting your farts, develop a system to capture a year's worth. Then use the bottled gas to offset a
portion of your fossil fuel use. There's nothing that says independence like freedom from foreign oil. |
This reminds me of the time Captain Kangaroo came up with a 'safe' alternative to carving pumpkins - sticking vegetables
in them instead. A pumpkin with half a bell pepper for ears and magic marker eyes does NOT say 'Halloween' it says
'lamer, sadder version of Mr. Potato Head.' |
 spend some time in tikrit. |
 There is none, the whole point of fireworks is the EXPLOSIONS.
However, I guess you can watch a clip of a bomb on youtube or something. |
watching fireworks on tv. Safe and boring. Or even better, a movie where it shows people who have gained terrible
injuries from using fireworks on July 4th. Then little kiddies will think twice before lighting a firework. |
50 Best Firework Displays DVD |
Throw snow cones at each other while surrounded by strobe lights. You would need at least 20 people. |
 Get 10 or more people to play the riff from sweetleaf for 74 minutes.
http://www.babygorilla.com/warehouse/art/isolation/isolations.html |
First of all, "close eyes, rub hard" = macular degeneration/retinal detachment, so the Blindness Lady won't like it.
Had we thought of pre-emptively blinding anyone too stupid to safely use fireworks? Or simply engage the kids in
traditional games, like seeing who can leave a lit cigarette on their forearm the longest, or that stabby knife between
the fingers thing. Or play "Abu Ghraib" to celebrate our independence. |
sex |
 Car Bombs |
If you want to prevent blindness, do not look directly at my ass. However, if you are within 10 miles of my ass, you can
not help but look since my ass is HUUUUUUUUGE!
My ass is almost as big as Clay Aiken is gay. |
Build an elaborate light-sharpening device that you painstakingly document every step on the road to its final product.
Use during daytime activities to burn enemy ships in the harbor. |
Passive eugenics |
sound waves from boom cars can give a visceral experience |
Just be cool, baby. |
watch the afterdark screen saver with all the lights off. |
 Get a 2-liter bottle of soda, shake vigorously, and uncap. |
Taking a moment to reflect on how blessed we are to be free...that is all of the joy and excitement a kid should have. |
Open up shotgun shells and pour out the powder. Put the powder in a tightly wrapped bag with a toilet paper rubbed with
gunpowder fuse. Bang. |
Water balloons with food coloring? Kids could wear old clothes and throw them at each other. Not really a *replacement*
for fireworks, per se, but another way to have fun on a hot day. |
Posting Light Sharpener Page 11. |
Shooting a gun off into the air can be fun and empowering. If you do it at night, you still get a lightshow, much like
fireworks! |
go to jail..... |
Shock and Awe |
For creative explosions make an MRE Bomb:
Remove the heating element from an MRE (avalible at your local Army Surplus store).
Put a small amount of water in a resealable plastic bottle (or glass if you hate your neighbors).
Insert heating element into bottle and close top.
The steam will expand and burst the bottle. |
arson |
Dry ice in sealed containers. Your eyes will thank you! |
Fireworks are awesome. There is no substitute. Sorry, Dr. Block. And what of the danger of flying balloon fragments?
Banging pots and pans? I smell a smashed finger. And we all know that crepe paper kills form people per year than any
other rolled decorative product. I suggest roman candles, aimed at your neighbor's roof, to celebrate the birth of our
nation. |
Let your kids put a stick of butter in a bowl and melt it in the microwave. Make sure they wear a helmet! Great fun! |
ooooh, I love to melt stuff! |
Sometimes I pinch my nipples so hard that I see stars! |
Sometimes I pinch my nipples so hard that I see stars! |
Head to the darkest room in your house with a lamp and a bare 100 watt lightbulb. Turn off all the other lights in the
room and stare directly at the bulb for 3 minutes 30 seconds. Try not to blink, and don't be afraid to get up close!
Finally, shut off the bulb and plunge the room into darkness. Enjoy the brilliant yellow and orange after images! Then
go get wasted. |
Great minds think alike. |
My suggestion would using firecrackers rather than fireworks.
Know what i'm sayin'? |
Tie dye a shirt. Use bright colors. Wow, great fun. |
 I threw a turkey in the street. |
 close your eyes and press your eyelids really hard with your fingers. you'll see totally safe fireworks! stop pressing
when the white goo starts to trickle down your cheeks. |
 Try the diet coke and mentos fountain. Cheap, easy and it really is pretty safe. The worst injury you could recieve
would be some soda in your eye. |
 Diet Coke and Mentos seems like the obvious one |
Mentos + Diet Cola = Crazy Delicious |
Grow some balls and let them play with fire. It's the only way they'll really learn what explosizes and fire can do to
you. Forbidding them just makes it more appealing and more likeley for them to do it without out you knowing. If you
sanction the fireworks you can be there to be sure nobody blows their hands off. |
I've never done it or seen it done, so I can't say for sure, but I imagine that if you ran a fluorescent liquid through
a sprinkler over a properly waterproofed black light it would look pretty cool. |
Cap their ex-wife |
Patriotic flambe -- after the alochol burns off you can eat dessert, and then drink the remaining alcohol to numb the
feeling that you've just celebrated July 4th with flambe instead of fireworks. |
Fill a tennis ball with match heads and throw it against a brick wall. |
Wow, what a hag I've become. Even Cher looks younger. |
I rub a stick against my boney cheeks to start a fire. Then I'm really hot! |
Gooks rock! |
One year I lit my belly button lint on fire. Burned the shit out of Nancy's head! |
Dumbass, you didn't have to put out the fire with an icepick. |
Nuri Kamal al Maliki
something something got a hiccie
|
I always wish my name Jesus. No, parents have call me for Mohammad. So I am pedophile. |
Visit Iraq |
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy, I mean, independence day. |
pipe bomb |
Robert Cockerham, what you don't understand is that most Americans are idiots and just cannot be trusted with fireworks.
I wish that everyone were as smart as you, because only then would our country be responsible enough to use fireworks
safely and responsibly. |
Spray oven cleaner on balls of aluminum foil |
throw broken mirror splinters into the air. Yay! |
LED THROWIES!
http://www.instructables.com/id/E9D2ZJ3FG0EP286JEJ/
(I love goldscott!) |
Rub your eyelids hard and you will see sparkles. Baby. |
Get your sister's hot friend(s) to show her(their) breasts. Then, try to jump a golf cart over a wading pool full of
Jell-O. |
According to "How much is inside? Popcorn", watching corn kernels explode is a good substitute! |
Plain old gun powder. Available in sporting goods stores -- not the hiker/biker type, the fishing rod and guns type --
for about $12-20 per pound. Black powder is more fun than smokeless because it is smokey. Also, propane in ballons
(rolled paper makes a nice wick -- not loud but colorful). Even better, pour 1 oz of black powder into a balloon
before filling with propane. |
Maybe if the Prevent Blindness people are so concerned about saving every child's eyes they should consider carefully
preserving each of them in a baby-food jar in my refrigerator. I mean, Prevent Blindness America's refrigerator. No
eyeballs in my refrigerator, my goodness, no! But I could give you some good, hypothetical pointers about where you
could do it and how to keep them quiet. Use a grapefruit spoon at your peril. |
diet coke and mentos! |
The real fireworks come in November of 2008, when I, Barack Obama, win the presidency of these United States of America.
Can I get a Howard Dean scream? |
Replace nothing, just add Elton John sunglasses. |
Shadow puppets! |
The ol' coke & mentos tomfoolery |
masturbation |
 Put on one of those old records of the sounds of fireworks and let imaaaaaaagination take over... |
Mentoes and Coke |
Nothing beats the sheer thrill that comes from reading about government policy and practices. |
Why would you want to prevent accidents? We need dumb people to act as examples for children. |
Children should close their eyes and invision fireworks and the good ol' days when they could watch them. |
Set the neighbor's hair on fire. Yeah, I'm really that much of a bitch. |
masterbation! |
 Make their own gunpowder and see how it works! |
Blacklights, strobelights, fog machines, darkness, glowsticks, any other handheld source of colorful light, and loud
techno.
The rave is the ultamite way to improve your fourth of july, anime convention, or any time when you are high and or
sleep deprived. |
 I was in Milk Money. |
Charlie Bravo Qubec Zulu Asphalt |
Bang your head repeatedly into any handy hard flat surface. After a few good whacks, you should see all kinds of
interesting stuff. |
Hm... kinda sucky, but if you actually have access to a microwave OUTSIDE, you can microwave a hard-boiled egg for ???
amount of time... take it out... GET AWAY... If you get away it'll be harmless, kinda ironic seeing as the time it
happened to me it exploded in my eyes. They HURT for HOURS. So get about a yard away, that'll be enough. |
make your own fireworks with fertilizer, or dry ice |
Give them Starfish and Coffee |
Explode things |
You spelled my name wrong, asshole. |
Would you like a creepy kiss? |
my fireworks are non-toxic |
one alternative to fireworks is a keg of black powder, drinking straws, some fuse, and very strong tape. then see who
can make the best bomb. can't vouch for the safety of them (I like to roll mine in glue and then broken glass) but it
sure is a hell of a lot of fun. |
BJs! |
H-bomb |
set the children on fire |
A fifth of cheap booze keeps my kids happy on the Fourth! |
Close your eyes and press your fingers against them (do not crush your eyeballs, fool). Do this while eating Pop Rocks
and whistling. Do not do this in public view, or you may be institutionalized. |
Gunfire! |
ok, get a jar of that peanut butter with the jelly already mixed in with it and dump it out on the sidewalk.
just gotta eat it fast before the dog comes and licks it all up with his big ole sobbery tonque. but step in it first
and get all colorful toes and stuff. |
Throw hundreds of small glass or mirror pieces into the air, and shine novelty or colored flashlights upon them as they
fall. |
You spelled my name wrong as well, asshole. |
Hey Rawb, Thanks for speeling my name right. |
dogs on fire |
go to the local car recycling center and get a bunch of surplus airbags and a battery to set them off with. Not a lot
of fire danger, and you still get to see things leave the ground with a bang... (Strong enough to send a 30 gal
garbage can 10 feet in the air. Only works once since the bottom came out at the same time. Seen them go 40 foot
airborn before.) |
Porn! |
Use gloves! |
4th of July lawn dart tournament! |
mail/pipe bombs (also that list of crap is just offensive) |
destroying the american way of life |
illegal psychoactive substances are a fine substitute for fireworks |
Knives! |
Strippers. |
Two Words: Bubble Wrap |
Dig yourself a hole and never come out for fear of being suffocated by the nitrogen in the air. |
Light your farts on fire. That's what the good doctor and I do when we run out of M-80's. |
lots of fire and crack |
Since Preveent Blindness America seems to be concerned only with preventing blindness, why not combine fireworks with a
pair of safety goggles. You can still have your fireworks with only a minimal risk of blindness. Problem solved! |
Sitting quietly in a darkened room.
Eating small quantities of healthy snacks.
Reading religious tracts.
Watching reruns of "The Golden Girls." |
A watergun with a build in lightsource to mimic fibre-optics. |
Playing croquet while listening to some Molly Hatchet. |
A good back rub! |
 You could watch a young couple kiss for the first time. I hear that's a lot like fireworks. |
 Gasoline mixed with gunpowder makes an excellent alternative. It's all or nothing, either you are unscathed or so dead
your eyeballs are the least of your concerns.
Bee Bee guns also work well. |
Autofellatio, my good friends. |
Watch my movies, the plot twists are becomming more contrived, thus.....safer...... |
I got my 4 year old some military helicopter landing glow sticks, they only last 30 seconds but are incredibly bright |
Smash watermelons with giant wooden mallet. |
Use a giant satellite dish covered in mirrors to ignite the neighbors dog. |
Stick fingers into a car cigarette lighter - enjoy a painful burn without any blinding sparks. |
Only light fireworks around monks, african american track stars, and octagerian. |
 what about a laser light show? |
 Free porn on network TV during forth of July. |
۞Ωﯔﭹﻹ☼₫ﭏ♂ |
Flambe a Hobbit |
absurdity! Independence Day would not be the holiday it is without the threat of fire, bodily injury and/or death! Here
in THIS town, for the 4th of july we INVITE Hell's Angels and Boozefighters to get hammered on our main drag- AND WE
CALL IT A RALLY! y-arr! |
Reckless destruction. Purchase crappy furniture from garage sales and destroy with baseball bats and sledgehammers- or
better yet- cars. Rob knows how that works! Oh. and booze. Whiskey, preferrably- the ALL AMERICAN SPIRIT! |
Mustache rides! |
squeeze lemon rinds so that outer cells burst into the flame of the candle. The citric acid ignites briefly and causes
"mini fireworks" |
Throw toasters into metal tubs of saltwater! |
A good replacement is watching my show. Get into the NO SPIN ZONE! We'll tell the TRUTH about our lord and savior
George W. Bush! |
Mentos + Diet soda. |
I find that shaving my head gives me a thrill just like setting off fireworks! |
I think Clint is onto something. Guns. I don't know anyone who's been blinded by a gun. And in fact, I've more
injuries in my own life to fireworks than to guns. |
smash soda bottles with sledgehammers |
Shrooms |
Pour vinegar and bicarbonate of soda in a bottle, cork the bottle then shake vigourously! |
Put Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh in a mirror filled box.
You don't happen to have some mirrors handy...do you? |
 point them down, not up |
Burning underwear can be a great alternative to fireworks! But don't go overboard with it! The press will have a field
day if they know you're goin' commando. |
Crunch on some Wint-O-Green lifesavers. Not only does it give you a spectacular light show, it will leave your breath
minty fresh! |
A rifle loaded with live ammunition. Let your kids run around dodging bullets the way our forefathers did. |
sparkler bombs |
rock paper scissors for punches in the gut. |
Our favourite is always the non-sparking sparkler .. wave that red-hot s'more stick around .. what kind of cool patterns
can YOU make with the glowing embers? |
Well, I went looking for some fireworks replacements, but just couldn't find any... |
Let's say it together, Jamie wants big boom |
Sit around the television and watch old episodes of The Electric Company. |
Plastic explosives, semtex, mines, hand grenades, concussives - all of these are fun, high explosive options which are
not incendiary. The neighbor's hair will stay unlit, although it may not remain attached. |
Fill soda bottles with glitter and food dye then hook them up to an air compressor until they explode. Bonus points for
cracking open glowsticks and dumping the poisonous contents into the bottles.
Note: If you don't have an air compressor, pack the bottles with dry ice and dunk them in boiling water. Just be sure
to duct tape the weak upper part of the bottle to raise the detonation pressure. |
Give the kids some welding equipment and a few pieces of metal. Watch those sparks fly! |
Take a tennis ball. Cut a slice in it an inch or so long.
Take a bunch of wooden strike-anywhere matches. Cut the match heads off, and put them into the tennis ball until the
ball is full of match heads.
Wrap the tennis ball with duct tape.
Take it into the middle of the street and throw it HARD on the ground.
The ball will hit, bounce up a couple of feet, and go FOOM!
|
nothing beats firework.. |
Hovercraft |
kids , heres what I used to do, take a Lucky Strike or a Marlboro maybe, light it up and and go into a dark closet. Wave
it around really fast. It's magical.
|
Take a digital camera, (which provides instant gratification and quick viewing for the kids), and try some light
painting.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Light_painting |
doodlebugs |
Hit each other on the head with giant mallets, just like they do in Tom and Jerry cartoons |
As a kid, the only thing that ever came close to the thrill of fireworks with no possibility of eye damage was putting a
junebug in the earpiece of the phone so we could see the reaction of the next person to use it. My sister didn't think
it was nearly as funny as my brother and I did! |
I think we could like, just have kids stay inside their rooms and maybe use some non-sharpened crayons to maybe draw
pictures if sparks and stuff.
Oh, and make sure there is an adult present, because if they get locked into their rooms like all alone and stuff they
might start playing with themselves and everyone knows that makes you like go blind. |
An anal bum cover |
Have the children fill balloons up with 1/2 hydrogen and 1/2 oxygen, give them lighters and let the fun begin!!! |
Mossberg 500 pump action shotgun |
smoke weed |
Dudes you TOTALLY OVERLOOKED another fantastic microwave light show. THIS IS THE ONE TO ROCK YOUR SOCKS, no joke. A CD,
run of the mill compact disc, my friends. In the microwave for about 7 seconds, COLORFUL LIGHTSHOW with no annoying
Pink Floyd soundtrack. Got a few? Well, kids, you have a freaking firework spectacular. Think I'm joking, THINK
AGAIN! Even the Mythbusters left this genius off the microwave show. |
If you know where to get them, MRE heaters and water in a 20 oz bottle works wonders. Put the heater in first! |
Running with scissors |
Eating celery sticks and drinking water |
Use Cd on string and lazer pointer. |
We like to set up a small evergreen tree in the corner of the family room. We decorate it with colored lights, glass
globes, ultra-thin cut sheets of tin foil, strings of pop corn on a thread, etc. We wrap gifts for each other in
decorative paper with bowes. Early in the morning we come down and watch the kids open their gifts. |
How about Diet Coke and wintergreen mints? If wintergreen mints glow in your mouth, maybe they'll make the Coke
fountain glow too! |
12-gauge |
 A solid blow with a ball peen hammer to the back of the head will result in lots of fireworks - - and the best part is,
everyone will have their own personal show, no two will be alike! The placement of the blow to the back of the head
also contributes to eye safety. |
Donating to Prevent Blindness America |
 Take about 20 of those plastic grocery bags and braid/twist them all together. With a couple of pulled-out wire hangers,
hang them from a tree (or better yet a metal post) over a big bucket of water. Light the bottom and when the plastic
catches fire and melts, it drops into the water with a very satisfying zipp! |
Affix a string to 2 (two) mammals, clap loudly. Observe the resulting tug-of-war. |
ummm raisin bran |
Sparkler Bomb. Google it |
MORE COWBELL!!!!!! |
Set the puffy shirt on fire. |
If you drink enough the room starts to spin and it looks close enough to fireworks. |
 Fireworks are bringing sexy back. |
Life is like a box of fireworks, you never know what you're gonna get. |
There are no fireworks in jail. |
 Plastic Surgery. |
Might I suggest Bottle Rockets and Safety Goggles. |
thats all fireworks are really good for, dissassembling then making into something more dangerous...we made this out of
one piccolo pete and a bottle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54_nq1VomjM |
Make Magazine just posted a tutorial on "Make a Jam Jar Jet!" A mini jet engine, in the privacy of one's home? Sounds
sufficiently dangerous for even the smallest of kidlings. I see crafty people!
http://www.makezine.com/blog/archive/2007/07/weekend_project_birthday.html?CMP=OTC-0D6B48984890 |
radioactive cobalt
|
 radioactive cobalt
|
radioactive cobalt
|
 meeee |
a good hack! |
yo |
Hydrogen generator: aluminum foil, muriatic acid. Trash bags. Toilet paper fuse, about 100 feet. Fill bag, seal ends,
affix toilet paper, release bag and light end of paper. Wager on height before combustion! Naw, cancel all that. Too
much fire hazard. |
There are several plans to build a launcher that will launch a two liter bottle high into the sky with water and
compressed air. Use the middle section of a second bottle to create a sleeve on the top (bottom) of the bottle, into
which you place a water balloon. It makes a very satisfying splot when it falls from 400 ft. |
Light Human Gas Emissions |
Burn someone in effigy. |
Who came up with fireworks? "I know, we'll get 1000s of people, herd 'em outside so they're all crammed together in the
dark, give them alcohol, then bring in all these explosives and blow them up right over their heads, while they stand
there with their mouths open. They'll get covered with soot, and smoke. We can do it to them each time they get a day
off work, and they'll thank us for it." I think it was P. T. Barnum. |
A jug of Boone's Farm and a box of condoms. |
Instead of Sicko...watch me in Family Guy instead. I'm the fat guy. FREAKIN' SWEET! |
 Simple! Get blind people to light the fireworks! |
O.J. Simpson vs Ron Goldman's dad in a cage match. That'll create some fireworks! (and O.J. starts off being tied up and
drugged) |
You should see the fireworks when I try to get Posh's knickers off...but at least she's a good British girl and takes it
in the bum for England. |
Eat bacon, lots and lots of bacon. |
Let Attilla the cunt (Rosie O'Donnell) loose on Chris O'Donnell with a 14 inch black strap on. There's your fireworks! |
The NRA will have a giant gun fight with all our legal guns. With luck, we'll all kill each other off and new tougher
gun laws will be legislated. |
Get some magnesium and set it on fire. |
Shine the Bat-Signal. |
Drink moonshine until you become temporarily blinded, and then you don't have to worry about fireworks blinding you. |
Acorns in the microwave. They shoot steam, spin, and whistle. |
 weasley's wizard wheezes!! |
Lets get naked |
Running over a long line of bubble wrap (small centimeter sized bubbles) with a mountain bike on pavement is pretty
cool, it sounds like you're dropping more than three boxes worth of snap pops, you get exercise, and can run over the
bubble wrap several times before all the bubbles are popped. |
Artillery, tank ranges, demolitions, monster truck rally pyrotechnics, see the space shuttle or a Nasa rocket launch
live (not on tv), hear an oratory by Thomas Paine or better yet, Thomas Vincent's Fire and Brimstone. Be a
ssynaesthesiac,Launch model rockets in the dark, microwave grapes, poptarts with the foil still on, and tin foil. |
Hold a sodium party! Drop copious amounts of pure sodium metal into a lake from a distance and watch the impressive
explosions. The only products are H2 gas and NaOH, just add some HCl to neutralize the base and you're golden!
http://www.theodoregray.com/PeriodicTable/Stories/011.2/index.html |
Keep on clicking the lighter on without the gas, you can watch the sparks for weeks on end! |
Tesla coil. |
-shiskabob skewer juggling
-laser tag
-bb gun battles
-garden rake toss
|
Blow dandelions... |
Giant Kaleidoscopes and a backfiring bus. |
Watch TWO shades of paint dry at once. If you're feeling really adventurous, make them different colors. Safe, and you
can make your kids work on the shed for you free of charge (excluding the paint of course). |
The glow sticks thing works especially well in mass quantities! I went down to the dollar store this year and bought a
bunch of glow sticks in multiple colors- enough for each child to have ten or so. They made them into necklaces, belts,
shoelaces, light sabers, you name it! The whole area was a neon wonderland! |
Still fireworks, but with eye protection. Duh. |
How about rubbing your eyes really hard until you see sparks from your optic nerves? |
10,000 Match heads in a can |
What's wrong with just putting on safety glasses? |
feed the ducks! |
feed the ducks! |
feed the ducks! |
have a contest to see which of your children can eat a jar of mayonnaise the quickest. disown the losers. |
How about matches and breastmilk. They were once banned from airline flights. |
Ook. Ugh bugga boog. |
kç. |
Flatulence and a candle |
Tilt your head backwards, and sprinkle some glitter in there. Constant fireworks!! |
Run around in an open field with large pointy metal spiked poles during a thunderstorm for safe "natural" fireworks. |
I hear that if someone kicks you in the jimmy hard enough you see stars. |
When you wear cool shades like mine, you don't need fireworks. |
Public masturbation.
...oh wait... |
Cut off the heads of 500 wooden matches. Crush up a model rocket engine and add. wrap it all in a few layers of
aluminum foil leaving a small hole at the top. stick a fuse in it, light it and watch it glow. |
Playing with rocket-powered, rusty knives- while blindfolded; in traffic. |
Exposing phosphorous and magnesium to oxygen |
Confetti/CO2 'bombs' |
Put the glowie liquid stuff from a glow stick into a water-pistol and squirt it into the air. |
I saw the bottle rocket idea and I thought that it would be a good Idea to put the glowie liquid from a glow stick
inside inserad of water. It may jet out in the first wee bit of the bottle flight. |
Model Rocketry (www.nar.org) provides some of the excitement of fireworks, with crafty sciency goodness. |
eggwhites |
Thermite |
Pot |
That's hot....No seriously thats HOT!!! OUCH! |
Take some extra fine steel wool, tie it to a long fire resistant string, and set the wool on fire. Swing it around,
it'll look great! |
WaterWorks! Like fireworks, but with custom water fountains spraying in the air. We used to make our own with random
sprinkler and PVC parts. One hose, losts of spray, and 12 helpings of FUN! |
Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm? |
People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden. |
 Exploding Soap! http://www.neatorama.com/2007/08/02/exploding-soap/ |
Paint-filled water balloons |
LSD |
Let your children cover themselves in glitter and run around naked! |
imagine me as you make sweet love to your middle-aged husband |
Burn effigies! Or... |
Nuclear weapons.
At least I can pronounce it right. (new-cle-ar, not nu-cu-lar) |
Goggles |
I'm a big fatty fat fat fat |
Purchase a $5 Old Navy Flag T-shirt. |
Watch the Yankees play a game against the Royals! |
Industrial dynamite. It's not just for work, it can be fun, too! |
i think you got better, more useful, comments before you put this 'celebrity' thing on here. |
Tesla coils! |
A-bombs! |
Make a campfire and throw in things like coffee creamer, sugar, table salt etc. for colored flames and/or sparks.
http://www.campfiredude.com/campfire-magic.shtml |
A laser light show using astronmy grade lasers, that way if the laser hits the eye, it wont blind the kid, and who
dosent love laser light shows? www.wickedlasers.com would have some optical sinanigins, ebay would have the lasers, and
have some rotating mirorrs or something, genral light show shinanigins. |
Eat a ton of beef burritos laced with your laxative of choice. |
 instead of bright fountain fireworks, use dynamite (you can get it in Nevada). |
Spew alchohol from your mouth and light it on fire to create a spectacular fire show!! |
Keychain with flashlight and rape whistle |
Shoot at propane tanks instead. Much safer than some sparklers. |
fd |
Fireworks are entirely safe. This is a massive government plot to make us THINK they're responsible for up to 35 cases
of spontanious blindness in American citizens. How does this this account for all those treated having experienced
"Lost Time"? .....there's something else going on here. |
Overhead welding. Eye and face protection is for sissies and nancies! |
Hello, Your site is great. Regards, Valintino Guxxi |
large quantities of jello flashlights and compressed air |
http://www.physics.isu.edu/physdemos/fluids/leafblo1.html
I brought a leaf blower to a July 4th party having gotten the idea from the early days of the internet. The kids
emptied the house of every roll they could find to the dismay of the host and guests. Everybody enjoyed the display. |
I just have my bodyguard punch a few flashlights up into the sky, and through all my cigarette smoke they look like
fireworks.
|