How about playing a fireworks videogame?
Jimmy Kimmel
Friday 06th of July
2007 2:45 am
How about playing a fireworks videogame? |
 dissect a kitten |
 Pack of Mentos + case of Diet Coke = hours of safe but violent fun! |
 Buy the *biggest* TV you can
afford (use your credit card if ready funds are lacking) and find a good DVD or PC program
of fireworks effects. Throw in a decent sound system for that
extra *boom*. |
 Try hitting a rock with a muskrat jawbone. |
 Fill a bottle with dry ice
and something else, i forget, but it will explode. also a heroes engine. |
 this isn't as safe as all
their lame suggestions, but so long as you don't get burning bits of steel in your eye, it's
perfectly safe, and looks great: Tie a cable or chain or fireproof
rope around some steel wool, light it on fire, and
spin it around. Sparks will go flying, and it looks great!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1rD0FFjt_o |
 Beer |
 Guns are a good
firework alternative |
 ice cream sandwiches! |
 Mix together household chemicals!
Watch them change colors and give off smoke!
Roof-jumping!
Jarts!
|
 Smoke lots
of weed |
What we did
for the fourth was significantly safer than fireworks and just as much fun - fire spinning! specifically,
poi and staff fire spinning. an impressive light
show in the dark and you probably won't burn down the neighborhood. |
 They could at least have Pop
balloons filled with air and confetti. Of course, if it was Mr. Cockerham these would be
filled with helium and the method for popping them would
certainly be eye threatening. |
 I like to snort heroine and then cover myself up with a wet sheet in the tub. |
Have you ever tried
putting popcorn in the microwave for a little too long?
Me neither. But it would probably be totally sweet. Or not. |
 Set a dead tree on fire |
 Let your kids eat a couple
micrograms of some fine LSD |
You can pop balloons to simulate Black Cats. |
 Have your neighborhood bully punch you in the stomach until you see stars.
All the shock and awe of the 4th but your eyes will be safe! |
 Mortars |
 crashing your car! |
Sobbing quietly in a darkened room all day works for me. |
 Watch wizard fireworks, but don't
let the hobbits touch them.
|
I like to
celebrate by watching an orange fish swim through some green bubbles, or marbles or whatever those things are
around the fish on my screen all the
time. . .
Look at them! They are Beautiful, Beauuuuuu-teee-full I tells ya! |
Fill a plastic bag with natural gas and light it. Makes a big flash but little else. Better use a small bag.
Carbide cannons! Order one from an ad in any 50-year-old comic book.
Those rockets that you half-fill with water and then pump up with air pressure.
Kites or helium balloons decorated with LEDs. |
 My dad always set the burgers on fire. does that count? |
 Eno's and water in a closed
bottle always takes the fizz out of me... |
Watch fireworks on television. |
 Pour gasoline on the ground, stand back, and throw a match. It's fun, completely safe, and, if you do it
on your
neighbors property, leaves no traces of any sort of damage. |
 Just be smokin' hot and walk around where there are lots of flamable nerd-types. |
 Put crunched up tin foil balls in
the microwave...and watch the colorful sparks. Just don't let the tin foil touch the
sides of the microwave, and it should be safe and fun. |
 Ivory Soap
in the microwave. It turns into a big, fluffy soap cloud that hardens when it cools. It's pretty neat. |
 Watch a professional fireworks display from a safe distance. Duh. |
 Build a
habitat. Destroy habitat with fire. |
Replica guns loaded with blanks.
Dry ice in soda bottles (course, you'd then have the danger of shrapnel). |
Git to the chowper and
stawt chooting at evrything! |
Get super drunk and eat burgers off the floor. |
 Set your neighbor's hair on fire. |
Let puppies chase kitties.
Air horns on bicycles.
|
Poke a sleeping
hobo with a stick. |
 Allow children to
view my glittering gold sarcophagus. |
 High pressure water jets
sprayed into the air with bright multi-colored lights shining through them?
Also I see dead people. |
Shoot your friend's ashes out of a giant glowing red peyote-shaped cannon. |
 1) popcorn
2) compressed air cannon
3) profit |
 use normal
fireworks with saftey goggles |
s |
 semi-automatic 9mm
pistols. they're even better than fireworks, and kids love them. |
 Up here in Placer
County, where fireworks are totally illegal, we've resorted to dry ice bombs for the bang and road
flares for the flash. If you're unfamiliar with dry ice
bombs, look them up on youtube. They sound like a shotgun
blast. |
 place tin foil and muriatic acid in a 2
liter bottle. Screw cap on tight and run away. |
water-balloon fights, with colored
water (blue, red). |
 No
need to replace fireworks -- sunglasses always worked to protect my baby blues. |
 Ice cube sculpture |
 Try cleaning up litter around the neighborhood, write a letter to a local politician, or bring fresh
pornography to a
fire station. |
 Throwing a block of sodium into a lake. |
Weapons of mass destruction. |
A ferret, a police whistle
and a cup of milk |
roll of caps and a hammer.
(do they still have caps, and cap guns?) |
Campfire- purchase fancy salts that make the campfire turn colors (I bought some from the camping
aisle at Wal-Mart)-
kids think it is magic!
|
 Have the
kids look through a pile of 10,000 coins, searching for one with an image of fireworks on the back. |
 If I WERE to light fireworks off, that
is to say this is only a "Fictous" scenaro, a “hypothetical” post:
I would drive my white bronco down to the b!tches house, shove the fireworks down her ungrateful cheating throat light
fuse, and get away....only after
slicing her and her boyfriend Ron's throat from ear to ear. Die! Die! Die!!!
Um... thats to say *IF* I were to light off fireworks. |
I like dipping my hands and other body parts in glow-in-the-dark paint, then running around the backyard |
 I prefer hunting
pheasant in the field with close friends to fireworks. |
I recommend scotch. |
 Pretend it's 2006 again and the Diet Coke and Mentos experiment is still cool. Use different flavours of sodapop to
achieve multiple
colours, and light from beneath to produce a lit explosion of colour and sticky sweetness. |
Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, you
don't even -- you're glib. You don't even know what a Roman Candle is. If you start
talking about pyrotechnics, you have to evaluate and read the
research papers on how they came up with these
expolsives, Rob, okay? That's what I've done. . . . You don't know the history of fireworks. I do |
Uh, how about a Blue Man Group-style drum-fest using neon paint?
|
 Nuke the planet from orbit, it's the only way to be sure |
Build Spring Shoes for them with
mattress springs/
Love your site, btw! |
 WE'LL GO STREAKING!!! |
 There's always the put-a-lightbulb-in-the-microwave trick, thought that's probably more dangerous than
the bar of soap
alternative mentioned above. Of course, a LIGHT SHARPENER would be better. |
 If you're already blind, you can do
whatever the hell you want. |
Fireworks ain't no walk in the park, lady. You gotta have the boom, zip, zooey, woooooshit or it ain't the 4th of July.
In
other words...BRRRRRrrrrrip...man's natural gas is the only second alternative. |
Wrap children
in bubble-wrap and have them sit quietly in darkened room. |
 Hey, like, I'll go around the
neighborhood and like, flash all the little kids! Will that, like, help? Like, by the
way, I'm not wearing, like, underwear, like, right now! Wanna see? |
 Set a
trap for the giant invading red pitcher of Kool-Aid. Dig a pit and line the bottom with sharpened bamboo shoots. |
 Mom...uh..my wife..says I can't
look at that kind of stuff...I'll go blind... |
 Strap on a belt of dynamite sticks and nails wrapped in pigskin. As a bonus you will enter the realm of 70 virgins
after
detonation. |
 Light your farts instead. The only "eye" you might injure is ol' brown-eye |
 Surprisingly, rolling
around naked in the snow is the *exact* same sensation as lighting bottle rockets out your a.
I prefer eating glass for money. Snorting coke and having unprotected sex with diseased hookers. It's the best! |
 My friends and I enjoy lots of cool
refreshing coke. |
Re-enact key battles from the Revolutionary War using Super Soakers as rifles, and water balloon launchers as artillery.
I think "pre-Foo
Fighters Dave Grohl" should be one of the public figure selections. |
 Alien Tech. Perfectly safe. |
My breasts make good fireworks |
Have children spin in circle for 60-90 seconds. Promptly have them lay on the floor while you blink the lights in the
room on and off. |
Get drunk and hold
up a lighter? |
 We
prefer making our own fireworks in the bedroom. Take for example last night: I had Phil dress in a english school
girls uniform while I rode makes the
whole
night special.
Later we cuddled. |
 Once you realize that the fireworks are just replacing LOVE, the answer is obvious. |
Close your eyes and then rub them
vigorously for exciting fireworks action. |
Hit head with rock. |
Take a glow
stick, tie a long string to one end.
Whirl it around and throw it high into the air (at night) and you can watch it fly up, and back down. Repeat. |
I know a good one called the
"Flasher." I like this one so much in fact, that I use it even when it isn't the fourth of
july. |
 Play baseball with fruit. Nothing like
exploding fruit to celebrate our countries independence. Bonus points for a
Watermelon home run. |
Weed and Christmas lights. |
Some people have called
me fun like a firework. I am shiny, and big, and amazing. But these people are just trying to
make me feel better because really I am washed up and out
of original material. |
Also, multistage water bottle rockets are pretty slick. |
 Chew wint-O-green lifesavers with your mouth open. The sparks will be nifty.
Or, scuff your stocking feet on carpeting and discharge the static electricity on the door nob for an 'electric' good
time. |
Go see a fireworks show
instead of putting one on yourselves. |
 Duct tape a small container of gasoline to the top of a remote control car, then drop a match in. Drive the car through
a
patriotic obstacle course. |
 replace fireworks with pinatas ;) |
 Live chickens. |
Do you
wanna see my implant scars? |
 Try shoplifting! |
Buy reflective paint at Emigh Hardware and cover your man-bag. Add black light and lasers. Enjoy! |
 Put Pop Rocks in your mouth
and leave it open |
Fireworks are generally safe if used according to instruction. For those who can't read the bold print
saying to not
hold in hand, or not to aim at people, put the warnings in braille (tactile feedback), and in English, "if you don't
follow these warnings, you
should start learning braille to read the instructions for the blind". |
 You know what would help prevent
CULTURAL blindness? If more people would listen to my radio show. That would open their
eyes, yessiri. With their eyes open, maybe they would start
to understand that all the celebrations in the world aren't
going to address the critical problems which address this great nation! Instead of fireworks,
they should be light
democrats on fire! Sure! |
Roam country roads collecting roadkill. Dress up as our founding fathers. |
Nothing burns better than the
tinderbox of dissent brewing in the liberal left "ME"dia. Just watch out for sparks! And
Democrats! Cause someone's going to lose their arm, and when
they do, I'll be there to beat a dead horse with it. A
dead horse that died believing the liberal media lies! |
 A pack of
matches is enough fun for me! |
If you're
doing stuff during the day, nothing delights children more than blasting water into the air so that it rains
down on everybody. Playing with water is a
screaming riot! |
Thermite |
Gasoline in a coke can |
 Everyone loves glitter pasties. |
 Use a big jar of pepper to induce sneezing fits. Unless you are Mormon. Then it is probably forbidden. |
More fire!
More! |
A good
old fashioned potato gun. In case of potato famine, try an aluminum foil & "The Works" brand cleaner bomb. |
 Just have a competition to
see who can hold a match for the longest time. Winner gets ice cream! |
Go see a mortor display (the big ones that
shoot up in the air) No fire near kids and you don't have to do anything but
wrangle the little ones |
You can always light me on
fire and watch me run down the street! |
Lighting a match and throwing it in the air. The safest kind of fun there is! |
I always liked jumping up and down
on Oprah's couch for some fun. |
 Check out the July 4th Inventory BLOW OUT at your local Ford/Mercury Auto Dealership! |
Molotov cocktails. You said terrific, not safe.
:) |
 Power-Washers.
(And you can teach your kids how to police your neighborhood against fire-loving dis-loyalists.)
|
Listen to
NPR |
 THE MIGHT OF THE HOLY OVERPOWERS THESE EXPLOSIVES THE INFIDEL USES TO OPPRESS. YOU CLAIM FREEDOM, BUT YOUR
HOLIDAY IS
FILTH, DEBASEMENT. A POX ON IT. |
Get tattoos, shave your head
and show the world your nether regions! Duh! |
Run around with a lit birthday candle tucked into your butt. Or a novelty flashlight. |
 Have a patriotic party-on-the-patiO with red, white, and blue light sabers, and serve foods from agalaxy
far, far away.
Since they're from "off world," these foods can be as bizarre, gross, or exotic and delicious as you like. Kind of like
halloween in july. |
 Ok! Neon paint. A black light. um Laser pens? An inflatable bouncy jump thingy! water ballons and a garden hose!
Whipped
cream canisters! Yeah! Chicks and guns and firetrucks! wait |
 Just light a goddam
cigarette, have a martini, and vote that son-of-a-bitch out of office.
|
You can wave me around like a Glowing
firework |
 Kids
can draw fireworks, with non-toxic crayons on round edge paper. |
Sparklers are pretty cool and are mostly safe by themselves, but if you put a bunch of them together and
wrap them up
with tape then that is dangerous! |
 Balloons filled to the point of bursting with food coloring-tinged water. |
 sprinkle some fruit loops
into a old coffee can half-full of water. Stir with a long wooden spoon and watch the colors
fly around!
|
Air Powered
Cannon to shoot all sorts of "safe" projectiles |
 Mix up some baking soda and vinegar in a film container and quickly put on the lid. A small pop ensues -
and can be
recreated for as long as you have a ready supply of vinegar and baking soda. |
How about a hard drive crash? That'll get
their attention. |
Cover a mountain lion with peanut butter and watch the red ants sting it to death. |
 Cut
liquor advertisements out of magazines and glue them to your Escalade. |
If the problem is explosions and
metallic sparks flying around, why not simply set fire to something non-explosive, such
as a tree or fence? |
Beans and a lighter. Get a good sound
-system and fireproof microphone for the extra "braaap" |
eat more glue |
Flaming farts! |
body paint! |
drugs.
lots. |
 FLAMING LAWN
DARTS |
1)put on blindfold
2)carry on as usual
*Will not protect others of blindness* |
strap them to the couch, let them have no fun, and show them the fireworks on TV. |
how about an IQ test to be
able to qualify to buy fireworks in the first place. Or like a training course on how not to
be mentally handicapped while handling said fireworks. AKA
don't look down the barrel to see if it's a dud, don't
point the bottle rocket at anyone, and if the thing begins to misfire, get everyone to run like you-know
-what. |
As an
alternative to blindness-inducing 4th of July fireworks, I suggest striking fear into the hearts of evildoers by
rigging a parking lot and causing a select
arrangement of cars to explode so that when viewed from a helicopter the
burning hulks of metal form the shape of a giant "Punisher" skull logo made
out of fire. That would be so awesome. |
Teach children to wear eye protection, like lab safety goggles. Children who are too young to understand lab or
pyrotechnic safety are too young for fireworks. Invest in a decent set and make sure everyone viewing the fireworks
wears them. You can compare this
to wearing 3D glasses at the 3D movie, or even make it a game, like "evil scientist"
or "goggle-eyed robots take over the Earth." |
Madar koskesh! I show the evil Satan of the decadent West fireworks replacement! It's is called suicide bomb, I send
one
to you soon. |
instead of playing with dangeresque
works of fire. Start a new exciting family tradition wiht your kids by going to bed
early on July 4th, and then waking up to do chores the next day. Its fun for
the whole etcetera |
1. Run around with scissors. Fun for
the whole family!
2. Have the kids make tothpick glasses with glue and toothpicks! (Duh...)
3. Hit Shotgun Shells with hammers till they blow up!
4. Throw bullets in the bonfire you started in your backyard with yard waste and gasoline!
5. Bottle Rocket fights! Bottle rockets aren't fireworks, they're aeronautical expierements! |
Gandalf says to simply throw lit
sparklers as high into the air as you possibly can. Make sure you're on pavement so you
don't set your neighbourhood on fire. |
How about setting a boring
optometrists hair on fire?
Sadly, it's an impossible ask. Dangerous = fun. Safe = not fun. It's one of the fundamental rules of the universe. |
 poop fires on porches |
Tire Fire |
Nothin' says "patriotism" like a few dozen molotovs. |
One word: SRIRACHA. No youngster ever forgets their first encounter with the rooster. |
THE LIGHT SHARPENER |
Studying knives very
closely in startling environments. |
I know this is kind of lame, since I
am the guy of Mythbusters. But Christmas crackers, and party poppers make a lot of
bang, and aren't so dangerous. |
 First you take an old ice-cream
container, and you fill it with nitro-glycerin and some nails. Then... oh wait, is this
alt.terrorism.jihad? |
 Rather than simply lighting your farts, develop a system to capture a year's worth. Then use the bottled
gas to offset a
portion of your fossil fuel use. There's nothing that says independence like freedom from foreign oil. |
This reminds me of the time
Captain Kangaroo came up with a 'safe' alternative to carving pumpkins - sticking vegetables
in them instead. A pumpkin with half a bell pepper for
ears and magic marker eyes does NOT say 'Halloween' it says
'lamer, sadder version of Mr. Potato Head.' |
 spend some time in tikrit. |
 There is none,
the whole point of fireworks is the EXPLOSIONS.
However, I guess you can watch a clip of a bomb on youtube or something. |
watching fireworks on tv. Safe
and boring. Or even better, a movie where it shows people who have gained terrible
injuries from using fireworks on July 4th. Then little kiddies will
think twice before lighting a firework. |
50 Best Firework Displays DVD |
Throw snow cones at each other while surrounded by strobe lights. You would need at least 20
people. |
 Get 10 or more people to play the riff from sweetleaf for 74 minutes.
http://www.babygorilla.com/warehouse/art/isolation/isolations.html |
Simply engage the kids in
traditional games, like seeing who can leave a lit cigarette on their forearm the longest, or that
stabby knife between
the fingers thing.
|
 sound waves from boom
cars can give a visceral experience |
watch the afterdark screen saver with all the lights off. |
 Get a 2-liter bottle of soda, shake
vigorously, and uncap. |
Taking a moment to reflect on how blessed we are to be free...that is all of the joy and excitement a kid
should have. |
Open up shotgun shells and pour out the powder. Put the powder in a tightly wrapped bag with a toilet paper rubbed with
gunpowder fuse.
Bang. |
 Water balloons with food coloring? Kids could wear old clothes and throw them at each other. Not really a
*replacement*
for fireworks, per se, but another way to have fun on a hot day. |
For
creative explosions make an MRE Bomb:
Remove the heating element from an MRE (avalible at your local Army Surplus store).
Put a small amount of water in a resealable plastic bottle (or glass if you hate your neighbors).
Insert heating element into bottle and close top.
The steam will expand and burst the bottle. |
arson |
Fireworks are awesome. There is no
substitute. Sorry, Dr. Block. And what of the danger of flying balloon fragments?
Banging pots and pans? I smell a smashed finger. And we all know that
crepe paper kills form people per year than any
other rolled decorative product. I suggest roman candles, aimed at your neighbor's roof, to celebrate the
birth of our
nation. |
Let
your kids put a stick of butter in a bowl and melt it in the microwave. Make sure they wear a helmet! Great fun! |
Head to the darkest room in your
house with a lamp and a bare 100 watt lightbulb. Turn off all the other lights in the
room and stare directly at the bulb for 3 minutes 30 seconds. Try not
to blink, and don't be afraid to get up close!
Finally, shut off the bulb and plunge the room into darkness. Enjoy the brilliant yellow and orange after
images! Then
go get wasted. |
My suggestion would using firecrackers
rather than fireworks.
Know what i'm sayin'? |
Tie dye a shirt. Use bright colors. Wow, great fun. |
 I threw a turkey in the street. |
I've never done it or seen it done, so I can't say for sure, but I imagine that if you ran a fluorescent liquid through
a
sprinkler over a properly waterproofed black light it would look pretty cool. |
Patriotic flambe -- after the alochol burns off you can eat dessert, and then drink the remaining alcohol to numb the
feeling that you've just
celebrated July 4th with flambe instead of fireworks. |
Fill a tennis ball with match heads and throw it against a brick wall. |
 Catch a falling
star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy, I mean, independence day. |
pipe bomb |
 Spray oven cleaner on balls
of aluminum foil |
throw broken mirror splinters into the air. Yay! |
LED THROWIES!
http://www.instructables.com/id/E9D2ZJ3FG0EP286JEJ/
(I love goldscott!) |
Get your sister's hot friend(s)
to show her(their) breasts. Then, try to jump a golf cart over a wading pool full of
Jell-O. |
According to "How much is
inside? Popcorn", watching corn kernels explode is a good substitute! |
Plain old gun powder. Available in
sporting goods stores -- not the hiker/biker type, the fishing rod and guns type --
for about $12-20 per pound. Black powder is more fun than
smokeless because it is smokey. Also, propane in balloons
(rolled paper makes a nice wick -- not loud but colorful). Even better, pour 1 oz of black
powder into a balloon
before filling with propane.
|
Replace nothing, just add Elton John sunglasses. |
Shadow puppets! |
 Put on one of those old records of the sounds of fireworks and let imaaaaaaagination take over... |
Nothing beats the sheer thrill that comes from reading about government policy and practices. |
 Make their own gunpowder and see
how it works! |
Blacklights, strobelights, fog machines, darkness, glowsticks, any other handheld source of colorful
light, and loud
techno.
The rave is the ultamite way to improve your fourth of july, anime convention, or any time when you are high and or
sleep deprived. |
Charlie Bravo Quebec Zulu
Asphalt
|
Bang your head repeatedly into any handy hard flat surface. After a few good whacks, you should see all kinds of
interesting stuff. |
Hm... kinda sucky, but if you actually have access to a microwave OUTSIDE, you can microwave a hard-boiled egg for ???
amount of time...
take it out... GET AWAY... If you get away it'll be harmless, kinda ironic seeing as the time it
happened to me it exploded in my eyes. They HURT for
HOURS. So get about a yard away, that'll be enough. |
make your own fireworks with fertilizer, or dry ice |
Give them Starfish and Coffee |
Explode things |
A fifth of cheap booze
keeps my kids happy on the Fourth! |
ok, get a jar of that peanut butter
with the jelly already mixed in with it and dump it out on the sidewalk.
just gotta eat it fast before the dog comes and licks it all up with his big ole sobbery tonque. but step in it first
and get all colorful toes and stuff. |
Throw
hundreds of small glass or mirror pieces into the air, and shine novelty or colored flashlights upon them as they
fall. |
dogs on fire |
go to the local car recycling center and get a bunch of surplus airbags and a battery to set them off with.
Not a lot
of fire danger, and you still get to see things leave the ground with a bang... (Strong enough to send a 30 gal
garbage can 10 feet in the air.
Only works once since the bottom came out at the same time. Seen them go 40 foot
airborn before.) |
4th of July lawn
dart tournament! |
destroying the american way of
life |
 Two Words: Bubble
Wrap |
Dig yourself a hole and never come out for fear of being suffocated by the nitrogen in the air. |
Sitting quietly in a darkened room.
Eating small quantities of healthy snacks.
Reading religious tracts.
Watching reruns of "The Golden Girls." |
A watergun with a build in lightsource to mimic fibre-optics. |
Playing croquet while listening
to some Molly Hatchet. |
A good back rub! |
 You could watch a
young couple kiss for the first time. I hear that's a lot like fireworks. |
 Gasoline mixed with gunpowder
makes an excellent alternative. It's all or nothing, either you are unscathed or so dead
your eyeballs are the least of your concerns.
Bee Bee guns also work well. |
Autofellatio, my good friends. |
 Watch my movies, the plot twists
are becomming more contrived, thus.....safer...... |
I got my 4 year old some military helicopter landing glow sticks, they only last 30 seconds but are incredibly bright |
Smash watermelons with giant
wooden mallet. |
Use
a giant satellite dish covered in mirrors to ignite the neighbors dog. |
Stick fingers into a car
cigarette lighter - enjoy a painful burn without any blinding sparks. |
Only light fireworks around monks,
african american track stars, and octagerian. |
 what about a laser light show? |
Flambe a Hobbit |
absurdity! Independence Day would not be the holiday it is without the threat of fire, bodily injury and/or death! Here
in THIS town, for the 4th
of july we INVITE Hell's Angels and Boozefighters to get hammered on our main drag- AND WE
CALL IT A RALLY! y-arr! |
Reckless destruction.
Purchase crappy furniture from garage sales and destroy with baseball bats and sledgehammers- or
better yet- cars. Rob knows how that works! Oh.
and booze. Whiskey, preferrably- the ALL AMERICAN SPIRIT! |
Mustache rides! |
squeeze lemon rinds so that outer cells burst into the flame of the candle. The citric acid ignites briefly
and causes
"mini fireworks" |
Throw toasters into metal tubs of saltwater! |
I find that shaving my head gives
me a thrill just like setting off fireworks! |
smash soda bottles with sledgehammers |
 point them down, not up |
Burning underwear can be a great alternative to fireworks! But don't go overboard with it! The press will have a field
day if they know you're
goin' commando. |
Crunch on some Wint-O-Green lifesavers. Not only does it give you a spectacular light show, it will leave your breath
minty fresh! |
A rifle loaded with live ammunition. Let your kids run around dodging bullets the way our forefathers did. |
sparkler bombs |
rock paper scissors for
punches in the gut. |
Our
favourite is always the non-sparking sparkler .. wave that red-hot s'more stick around .. what kind of cool patterns
can YOU make with the glowing
embers? |
Well, I
went looking for some fireworks replacements, but just couldn't find any... |
Sit around the television and watch old episodes of The Electric Company. |
Fill soda bottles with glitter and food dye then hook them up to an air compressor until they explode.
Bonus points for
cracking open glowsticks and dumping the poisonous contents into the bottles.
Note: If you don't have an air compressor, pack the bottles with dry ice and dunk them in boiling water. Just be sure
to duct tape the weak upper part of
the bottle to raise the detonation pressure. |
Give the kids some welding equipment and a few pieces of metal. Watch those sparks fly! |
Take a tennis
ball. Cut a slice in it an inch or so long.
Take a bunch of wooden strike-anywhere matches. Cut the match heads off, and put them into the tennis ball until the
ball is full of match heads.
Wrap the tennis ball with duct tape.
Take it into the middle of the street and throw it HARD on the ground.
The ball will hit, bounce up a couple of feet, and go FOOM!
|
nothing beats
firework.. |
 kids , heres what I used to do, take a Lucky Strike or a Marlboro maybe, light it up and and go into a dark closet. Wave
it
around really fast. It's magical.
|
Take a digital
camera, (which provides instant gratification and quick viewing for the kids), and try some light
painting.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Light_painting |
doodlebugs |
Hit each other on the head with giant mallets, just like they do in Tom and Jerry cartoons |
As a kid, the only thing that ever
came close to the thrill of fireworks with no possibility of eye damage was putting a
junebug in the earpiece of the phone so we could see the reaction
of the next person to use it. My sister didn't think
it was nearly as funny as my brother and I did! |
I think we could like, just have
kids stay inside their rooms and maybe use some non-sharpened crayons to maybe draw
pictures if sparks and stuff.
Oh, and make sure there is an adult present, because if they get locked into their rooms like all alone and stuff they
might start playing with themselves
and everyone knows that makes you like go blind. |
Have the children fill balloons up with
1/2 hydrogen and 1/2 oxygen, give them lighters and let the fun begin!!! |
Dudes you TOTALLY OVERLOOKED another fantastic microwave light show. THIS IS THE ONE TO ROCK
YOUR SOCKS, no joke. A CD,
run of the mill compact disc, my friends. In the microwave for about 7 seconds, COLORFUL LIGHTSHOW with no
annoying
Pink Floyd soundtrack. Got a few? Well, kids, you have a freaking firework spectacular. Think I'm joking, THINK
AGAIN! Even the Mythbusters
left this genius off the microwave show. |
Running
with scissors |
Eating celery sticks and drinking water |
Use Cd on string and lazer pointer. |
We like to set up a small evergreen tree
in the corner of the family room. We decorate it with colored lights, glass
globes, ultra-thin cut sheets of tin foil, strings of pop corn on a thread, etc. We
wrap gifts for each other in
decorative paper with bowes. Early in the morning we come down and watch the kids open their gifts. |
 How about Diet Coke and
wintergreen mints? If wintergreen mints glow in your mouth, maybe they'll make the Coke
fountain glow too! |
 Take about 20 of those plastic grocery bags and braid/twist them all together. With a couple of pulled-out wire hangers,
hang them from a
tree (or better yet a metal post) over a big bucket of water. Light the bottom and when the plastic
catches fire and melts, it drops into the water with a very
satisfying zipp! |
Affix a string to 2 (two) mammals, clap loudly. Observe the resulting tug-of-war. |
Sparkler Bomb. Google it |
 Plastic
Surgery. |
 Might I
suggest Bottle Rockets and Safety Goggles. |
thats all fireworks are really good for, dissassembling then making into something more dangerous...we made this out
of
one piccolo pete and a bottle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54_nq1VomjM |
Make Magazine just posted a tutorial on "Make a Jam Jar Jet!" A mini jet engine, in the privacy of one's
home? Sounds
sufficiently dangerous for even the smallest of kidlings. I see crafty people!
http://www.makezine.com/blog/archive/2007/07/weekend_project_birthday.html?CMP=OTC-0D6B48984890 |
radioactive cobalt
|
Hydrogen generator: aluminum foil, muriatic acid. Trash bags. Toilet paper fuse, about 100 feet. Fill bag, seal ends,
affix
toilet paper, release bag and light end of paper. Wager on height before combustion! Naw, cancel all that. Too
much fire hazard. |
There are several plans to build a
launcher that will launch a two liter bottle high into the sky with water and
compressed air. Use the middle section of a second bottle to create a sleeve
on the top (bottom) of the bottle, into
which you place a water balloon. It makes a very satisfying splot when it falls from 400 ft. |
 Light Human Gas Emissions |
Burn
someone in effigy. |
Who came up with fireworks? "I know, we'll get 1000s of people, herd 'em outside so they're all crammed together in the
dark, give them
alcohol, then bring in all these explosives and blow them up right over their heads, while they stand
there with their mouths open. They'll get covered
with soot, and smoke. We can do it to them each time they get a day
off work, and they'll thank us for it." I think it was P. T. Barnum. |
A jug of Boone's Farm and a box of
condoms. |
Get some magnesium and set it on fire. |
Shine the Bat-Signal. |
Drink moonshine until you
become temporarily blinded, and then you don't have to worry about fireworks blinding you. |
Acorns in the microwave. They shoot
steam, spin, and whistle. |
 Lets get naked |
Running over a long line of bubble
wrap (small centimeter sized bubbles) with a mountain bike on pavement is pretty
cool, it sounds like you're dropping more than three boxes worth of
snap pops, you get exercise, and can run over the
bubble wrap several times before all the bubbles are popped. |
Artillery, tank ranges, demolitions,
monster truck rally pyrotechnics, see the space shuttle or a Nasa rocket launch
live (not on tv), hear an oratory by Thomas Paine or better yet, Thomas
Vincent's Fire and Brimstone. Be a
ssynaesthesiac,Launch model rockets in the dark, microwave grapes, poptarts with the foil still on, and tin foil. |
Hold a
sodium party! Drop copious amounts of pure sodium metal into a lake from a distance and watch the impressive
explosions. The only products are H2
gas and NaOH, just add some HCl to neutralize the base and you're golden!
http://www.theodoregray.com/PeriodicTable/Stories/011.2/index.html |
Keep on clicking the lighter on
without the gas, you can watch the sparks for weeks on end! |
 Tesla coil. |
-shiskabob skewer juggling
-laser tag
-bb gun battles
-garden rake toss
|
Blow
dandelions... |
Giant
Kaleidoscopes and a backfiring bus. |
Watch TWO shades of paint dry at once. If you're feeling really adventurous, make them different colors.
Safe, and you
can make your kids work on the shed for you free of charge (excluding the paint of course). |
The glow sticks thing works especially well
in mass quantities! I went down to the dollar store this year and bought a
bunch of glow sticks in multiple colors- enough for each child to have ten or
so. They made them into necklaces, belts,
shoelaces, light sabers, you name it! The whole area was a neon wonderland! |
10,000 Match heads in a can |
feed the ducks! |
have a contest to see which of your children can eat a jar of mayonnaise the quickest. disown the
losers. |
How
about matches and breastmilk. They were once banned from airline flights. |
Tilt your
head backwards, and sprinkle some glitter in there. Constant fireworks!! |
Run around in an open field with
large pointy metal spiked poles during a thunderstorm for safe "natural" fireworks. |
I hear that if someone kicks you in
the jimmy hard enough you see stars. |
When you wear cool shades like mine, you don't need fireworks. |
Cut off the heads of 500 wooden matches. Crush up a model rocket engine and add. wrap it all in a few layers of
aluminum foil leaving a small hole at the top. stick a fuse in it, light it and watch it glow.
|
Playing with rocket-powered, rusty knives-
while blindfolded; in traffic. |
 Exposing phosphorous and magnesium to oxygen |
Confetti/CO2 'bombs' |
Put the glowie liquid stuff from a glow stick
into a water-pistol and squirt it into the air. |
I saw the bottle rocket idea and I thought that it would be a good Idea to put the glowie liquid from a glow stick
inside
inserad of water. It may jet out in the first wee bit of the bottle flight. |
Model Rocketry (www.nar.org)
provides some of the excitement of fireworks, with crafty sciency goodness. |
eggwhites |
That's hot....No seriously thats
HOT!!! OUCH! |
Take some extra fine steel wool, tie it to a long fire resistant string, and set the wool on fire. Swing it around,
it'll look great! |
WaterWorks! Like fireworks, but with custom water fountains spraying in the air. We used to make our
own with random
sprinkler and PVC parts. One hose, losts of spray, and 12 helpings of FUN! |
Did you know if you mixed equal parts
of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm? |
 Exploding Soap! http://www.neatorama.com/2007/08/02/exploding-soap/ |
Paint-filled
water balloons |
Purchase a $5 Old Navy Flag T-shirt.
|
Watch the Yankees play a game against the Royals! |
A-bombs! |
Make a campfire and throw in
things like coffee creamer, sugar, table salt etc. for colored flames and/or sparks.
http://www.campfiredude.com/campfire-magic.shtml |
A laser light
show using astronmy grade lasers, that way if the laser hits the eye, it wont blind the kid, and who
dosent love laser light shows?
www.wickedlasers.com would have some optical sinanigins, ebay would have the lasers, and
have some rotating mirorrs or something, genral light
show shinanigins. |
Eat a
ton of beef burritos laced with your laxative of choice. |
Spew alchohol from your mouth
and light it on fire to create a spectacular fire show!! |
Keychain with flashlight and rape whistle |
Shoot at propane tanks instead. Much
safer than some sparklers. |
Fireworks are entirely safe. This is a massive government plot to make us THINK they're responsible for up to 35 cases
of spontanious blindness in American citizens. How does this this account for all those treated having experienced
"Lost Time"? .....there's something
else going on here. |
Overhead welding. Eye and face protection is for sissies and nancies! |
large quantities
of jello flashlights and compressed air |
http://www.physics.isu.edu/physdemos/fluids/leafblo1.html
I brought a leaf blower to a July 4th party having gotten the idea from the early days of the internet. The kids
emptied the house of every roll they could
find to the dismay of the host and guests. Everybody enjoyed the display. |
I just have my bodyguard
punch a few flashlights up into the sky, and through all my cigarette smoke they look like
fireworks.
|