If you're going to pour a can of soda into a glass with ice in it, pour the soda slowly into an EMPTY glass, trying not to get any 'head' on it at all, THEN add the ice SLOWLY. Not only will you be done long before the other fools trying to do the same incorrectly, but your soda won't be flat.
Also, flossing your teeth is NOT to remove food stuffs that got stuck during the day, it's to scrape the plaque that your toothbrush can't reach. DO IT, DAILY or you will regret it.
Quitting smoking is much, much easier beFORE you've started. :)
If the trunk (or even the interior) of your car starts to smell stagnant after a while, leaving an open container of vinegar in it will cure the odor rather than just masking it like those little air fresheners do. I don't know why this works, and I'm ok with that. f In a movie theater, the picture and sound are optomized for the center, about 2/3 of the way back. The best two seats are those on either side of this seat, as dead center you're less able to distinguish stereo sound than if you're slightly closer to one side or the other. Cupcakes are called cupcakes because they are little cups of cake Most companies' customer support centers will cater more to angry and aggressive customers than courteous and reasonable ones. Sad but true. A lot of people don't actually "discover" this stuff...they just look it up on Wikipedia. Trust me, if you've included a long scientific answer, you didn't just figure it out all on your own. A previous comment states that the sky is blue becasue it reflects the water. This is ridiculous. A clear cloudless day-time sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light from the sun more than they scatter red light. When we look towards the sun at sunset, we see red and orange colours because the blue light has been scattered out and away from our line of sight. When light passes through a clear fluid holding small particles in suspension, the shorter blue wavelengths are scattered more strongly than the red. This can be demonstrated by shining a beam of white light through a tank of water with a little milk or soap mixed in. From the side, the beam can be seen by the blue light it scatters; but the light seen directly from the end is reddened after it has passed through the tank. The scattered light can also be shown to be polarised using a filter of polarised light, just as the sky appears a deeper blue through polaroid sun glasses. Just because you accidentally dropped that wooden match in your glass of milk when trying to light a candle doesn't mean it won't ignite anyway when you are fiddling with it in your hand under the table. (9 years old) I never understood the total fanaticism surrounding Netscape....until someone talked me into trying Firefox and I discovered "tab browsing (which Netscape has). Ah-Ha! Call me a fanatic. Small bowls for betas=very bad. They live in "swampy areas", but do you think that the amount of water they live in equals one or two cups? No, it does not. They live in "small pools" that are actually quite large. The problem with the small bowls does not involve "circulation", it involves a lack of heat and (generally speaking with most people) poor water quality. (Just because they live in "swamps" does not mean they do not require clean water.) Betas are tropical fish, you can't keep two cups of water warm enough for them. They cannot have "too much room", they are just like other fish (ie, a general rule--one gallon of water per inch of fish to maintain a good water quality and balance in pH). Believe me, I *have* learned all this the hard way. The "swamps" that betas live in aren't really swamps at all, actually. Don't believe that just because of shady practices in stores, the containers they sell the fish in are actually good for them. I've seen a lot of diseased fish in those containers. The public is notoriously ill-informed about beta fish, it's sick, really. I don't blame anyone for believing the hype, unless they continue to believe it after learning that it might not be true. When setting a table, you can remember that the fork goes to the left of the plate and the knife to the right by seeing that "fork" and "left" have the same number of letters. Same with "knife" and "right". The "feed a cold, starve a fever" saying has confused a lot of people, me included. I found out in college that the "starve a fever" part was originally "starve [i.e., die] of [o'] fever", and that the whole saying meant "if you feed a cold, you will die of a fever". Finally, "Arby's" is from "R.B.", but with the initials standing for the restaurant's founders, the Raffel Brothers, and not for "roast beef". Check Arby's Website for more. If you keep a video camera anywhere within your bedroom people will be suspicious. (Even if it's covered in dust, sitting on a bookshelf.) betas are a type of fish. They are always getting bossed around by the Alpha fish. Dried blood in sheets/clothes? Soak in cold water. On a related note, your grandma knows how to get any stain out with common household ingredients Eating a kiwifruit can be easy: Instead of painstakingly skinning it and then slicing it, dirtying dishes and silverware in the process, just cut it in half, grab a spoon, and dig in. Repeat with the other half. Like eating a grapefruit, only tastier! ALL areas between your lips and anus, are actually considered "outside". Think of it as a donut. Your stomach, intestines and all the other festive things within....are actually NOT inside your body. One of the strange things you learn in medical school. it's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open....really!! If your kitchen sink is dirty, putting dishwasher soap in the sink really cleans up the stainless steel. I don't know why. The words are "bring me a higher love", not "bake me a pie of love". D'OH! If you are really drunk and confuse the closet for the bathroom, the best thing to do is to act like you did it on purpose. A frozen turkey, when swung with enough force, can put a substantial hole in the wall. If this happens, get one person to stand guard and another to carefully pull the wallpaper out to rearrange around the hole so it doesn't look like you made a hole. When your dad leans on the wall, act surprised that there is a hole there. Do not make eye contact with your sister. This is bad. Never pack anything of value inside checked luggage. Behind-the-scenes airport security screeners have the right to open your bags to "check" them, and have been shown to steal from them. Put it in your carry-on, instead. When we were little, my sister and I would never wear our seatbelts. We got a new car and my mom told us that the car wouldn't work if your seatbelt wasn't on. She would never start the car until everyone was buckled in. If anyone took off their seatbelt, she'd pull over and stop the car. It wasn't until I was 14 that I realized the car would work without your seatbelt being fastened. While at work: Covering the time in the lower right hand corner of your computer screen, and taking off your watch will make your day go by very fast. Turn it into a challenge: See how long you can go without seeing the time. Before you know it, it'll be quitting time! My grade 8 teacher was wrong. I CAN be a productive member of society without math skills. All I need is a calculator. Now I don't feel so bad. (age 29) If your deodorant makes a mark on your clothes, rub the spot with a pair of pantyhose or trouser socks. Presto changeo! Spot is gone and you don't have to suffer the shame of white marks on your shirt! A teaspoon of sugar will make pop go flat. There's a somewhat subliminal arrow in the FedEx logo. Between the E and the x. I'd never seen it until I read an article about the ad man who won an award for it. Now I can't see the logo and not look at the arrow. It haunts me...now it will haunt you... They never leave their wives. Bikers wear leather so they don't get hurt as bad if they fall off their bikes. Airline food is not designed with the human digestive tract in mind. It is actually designed to not clog the toilets on the plane. Hair conditioner is a reasonable replacement for hair gel. Even stubborn hair will succomb, with enough conditioner. - GD Glass is a liquid. If a glass bottle was allowed to sit undisturbed for long enough (read: thousands of years) it would turn into a puddle. - GD Ferggs, what on earth is a milk bag? Most "solid" things are made up of mostly empty space, since everything is made up of atoms, which are little tiny electrons, protons and neutrons seperated by (comparatively) vast amounts of space. Therefore, the vast majority of things is the empty space between the electrons and the nucleus of atoms. Glass is not a liquid. It is solid at room temperature. Old window glass sometimes looks like it has sagged because in ye olde glass manufacturing, the process for creating the big, flat sheets of glass was imperfect. I just discovered that the average person is even thicker than I allowed for. There is a tiny arrow in the fedEx logo that points up the webpage to the last 15 people who have submitted this discovery. If you want a hot dog with no bun at Portillo's (chicago/midwestern area) , you ask for a "nudie." If you are ever in an arguement in public, you look cool as hell if you stay calm, especially if the other person is angry. This has the added effect of getting the other person more agitated, so you look even cooler. I've never got hair on my palms or gone blind from touching myself. Roll out pie crusts between pieces of plastic wrap. Keeps it from sticking to rolling pin and makes it easier to transfer into pie plate. The true definition of a fruit is the swollen, seed-containing ovary of the flower. This is why things such as tomatoes are considered fruit. Even though strawberries would seem to fit this bill, they are actually not fruit. The tiny little seeds on the outside of the strawberry are the true fruit; the flesh is formed from the base of the flower, not the ovary. When ladling something liquidy, such as soup, lift the ladle out of the vessel, then touch the bottom of the ladle back to the liquid. This prevents drips from the ladle. Antibacterial soap is a waste of money. There is no way to tell the concentration of triclosan (the antibacterial agent) in it, and, even if the amount is sufficient, you would have to wash your hands for several minutes for it to actually work. Air conditioning is the best allergy relief available. It eliminates the root of the problem, instead of just masking the allergens from the body. Popping corn, lentils, and dried beans will grow into plants when planted. Obvious, but fun. It took me until I was 21 to figure out that exit numbers on the interstate aren't sequential, but instead correspond with mile markers. Also, mile markers start at the south and west borders of states (or wherever that particular road starts, if not at the border) and increase as you go north or east. A quarter pounder is merely 4 oz. When you get a 4 oz. serving of something, and you think, "that's small" just realize that it's a quarter of a pound. Also, When you are drinking your last alcoholic drink, you will not stay at that level of intoxication. You will get more drunk as your body metabolizes the alcohol, even after you finish drinking. Lucy is lying to Charlie Brown. She has no intention of letting him kick that football. these rock Mosquitoes don't drink blood for sustenance. They actually eat nectar and fruit juice. The females only need blood for the protein required to produce eggs, and the males don't even have an appendige with which to suck blood. Also, dutch people come from Holland, not from a magical place called Dutchland. Terrible states such as New York *DO* have sequential numbers on their interstate, which really makes no sense. How can 312 be 15 miles north of 311? How does that even remotely help ME as the driver?! The automatic transmission verson of a car is always listed as having slightly worse mileage than the manual. But this isn't because people are more efficient at shifting! It's actually because the automatic transmission adds weight to the vehicle. In practice, the automatic tends to be much more efficient than most drivers, and actually produces better mileage. This is particularly true because people who tend to pick the manual transmission are the same people who tend to drive more aggressively, enjoying the 'sporty' feel of stick driving and caring much less for fuel efficient driving practices. When drizzling pancake batter onto the griddle, do it in a spiral pattern starting at the center of the pancake. That prevents pancakes being thick and uncooked in the middle, by getting more batter towards the edges. If you are smart enough to get out of jury duty and successful enough to have life responsibilities that make you want to get out of jury duty, you are one of the people who we most need to be serving on juries. Those who are none of the above, make the worst jurors and produce the trial results we all love to decry as unjust. It turns out that, when meeting your most beloved celebreties, you actually have essentialy nothing worthwhile to say to them. It'd be different if you were friends or could hang out for a few hours, but two minutes with a celebrety is a waste of your and their time. Caffiene is a drug, and it has real side effects just like any other drug. Most americans spend most of their days under the influence of this drug. You spend a third of your life asleep. If you live to be 90, you'll have spent 30 years asleep. If you try and scrimp on sleeping to get more out of life, you'll die early. The cover price for a magazine (or newspaper), or the cost of a subscription, doesn't actually pay for the magazine. Most of the revenue comes from the advertising. That's why serious scientific journals cost so much more. It's also why Publisher's Clearinghouse can afford to give away millions of dollars in cash and prizes. An older name for the hedgehog is the 'urchin'. That's why they call them 'sea urchins' - they look like hedgehogs! Calling street children 'urchins' is because they also have a hedgehog-like resemblence. 'toilet water' is perfume, not water out of the toilet! It's because 'toilet' originally meant, "the things you do in the privacy of your washroom". Thus 'going to the toilet' meant going to the wahsroom, which might or might not have had an actual crapper in it. Having lived with a variety of roomates, I've discovered that certain soaps leave much more residue in showers, and therefore require much more frequent cleaning to remove the soap scum buildup. Noxzema and traditional soaps like Ivory leave a lot of buildup. Liquid soaps and Zest leave very little residue. The other thing that helps avoid shower cleaning is sealing the tile grout.. that needs to be done every year or two. Even renters benefit from sealing their grout because it drastically reduces cleaning and mold outbreaks. Grout sealer is available at hardware stores; you just wipe it on. If you have a problem with mold in your showers, your life will be much easier if you completely get rid of it. The rate at which the mold reappears seems proportional to how much mold is in other parts of the bathroom. So do a super thorough job of cleaning by soaking everything in bleach for a half hour , sealing tile, and replacing contaminated caulk. Then you will hardly ever have to work on it again. By using Zest soap, sealing once a year, and having gotten rid of all the mold once in my bathroom, I find I only have to clean my shower every few months and it stays looking great. Never stand those little incense cones in an ashtray by using wax to 'glue' them in place. Eventually the incense burns down into the wax and releases gouts of noxious smoke. If you do happen to make the aforementioned mistake, never - and i mean NEVER - try to blow out the incense or blow away the smoke. The increase in oxygen flowing over smoldering wax will cause it to ignite - usually far too close to your face for comfort and usually resulting in tipping over the flaming wax-soup in your rush to back away. These lessons learned while camping. Frizzi "communism" mostly didn't work, because it predicted people would naturally be altruistic. "capitalism" mostly works because it predicts people will be greedy and selfish. Unfortunately, it also means the greediest and most selfish people are the most successful. In English, the name of the lead singer of Duran Duran, Simon Le Bon, translates to "Simon the Bon" After you eat something like corn that gets stuck in your teeth, dental floss is a hundred times better than toothpicks. Sudden hearing or vision loss is a medical emergency. If you suddenly can't hear or see (even one side only) go to an emergency room and demand that you be seen by a specialist immediately. I might not have lost my hearing in one ear if I had gotten to a specialist right away. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___.---------------. .'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__,` . ____ ___ \ |\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ _:\ |`. \ \___ \ \\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\_`.__|""`. \ \___ \ \\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __: \ \\'\__\'\__\'\__\ \__\'\_;-----------------` \\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ : hh| \|______________________;________________| Doesn't make you fat!! Most people don't realize that 5 out of 5 stars is supposed to mean way above average. On sites like amazon.com and other ratings sites most people who give 5 star ratings just mean the product did what it was supposed to do and didn't break. being drunk is not an excuse for being stupid or cruel Cats, no matter how much they are mad you, will NOT claw if they are out of food and hungry. They will start purring. etc. is said "et cetera" not "ex cetra." I used to always say that wrong. A tan from a booth looks fake because the "sun" is shining on you from all angles. You don't get the variety of skin tones that results from the sun being overhead (i.e. the tops of your arms should be a little darker than the undersides, and the apples of your cheeks should stand out) glow-in-the-dark nail polish removes sharpie. washing your feet before you go to sleep will help you fall and stay asleep. plus, its always good to be clean. The word "Forget" is a reminder to remember to GET what you left home FOR! red hair is really hard to dye. hmm. When the meterologist says that there is an 'x' percent chance of rain tomorrow, s/he means that according to the National Weather Service database, the last 100 or so days that had the same atmospheric conditions, it rained 'x' times. Don't fry bacon naked. HTML actually stands for hypertext markup language. It has nothing to do with hotmail, except for the fact that they're both on the internet. Also, its not "minus well" its "might as well". Only humiliated myself a little bit with that one. All the "pre-programmed" buttons on your keyboard (and mouse) can be re-programmed to do other things if you download the proper drivers. This is easiest I find with Logitech devices. Goodbye Calculator button, Hello Google button. In quickbooks you can change the date forward by hitting "+" for each day or backwards by hitting "-" for each day. You can also move to the beginning of the week by typing "w" in the date field or the end by typing "k". The same applies with month - "M" for the beginning, "h" for the end. You also don't need to enter slashes in the date field - you can type 021405 and it will automatically recognize it as 2/14/05. (Now I just wish I could do that in excel!) You can tell an undercover police car in NYC from two things - no white wall tires (EVER on ANY NYPD VEHICLE, undercover or not), and the EZ Pass is Orange (instead of white). This will keep you from getting into an undercover cop car disguised as a taxi cab and talking with your best bud about his ahem, "best bud". If you would like to come home in one piece, never ask a Haitian if they are from Jamaica and a Jamaican if they are from Haiti. I've learned this lesson the hard way. If you are a dorky white guy, every Haitian you meet will tell you they are from Port-Au-Prince, and every Jamaican will tell you they are from Kingston. It's impossible. Press a little harder and you will find out where they really come from. Islanders just assume Dorky white guys have no clue about the geography of their island (which, is sadly probably true). The closer a crying baby's hands are to the side of his face is directly proportional to said baby's hunger (this is scientifically proven). A baby who is crying and has their hands right next to the tops of their heads (imagine you holding your head like you have a headache) is usually starving. Trust me, this really is the truth, it's not just some old wive's tale, my pediatrician confirmed it. Virginia is NOT further west than West Virginia! Virginia has an Atlantic coast. West Virginia has no coast. Hi-C is called that because it is "Hi" in Vitamin "C" Triscuit's are called that because it's a direct play on Biscuit... Bi/Tri. It's pretty unclear what makes them 3 instead of 2 though. You are an ass. HTML actually stands for hypertext markup language. It has nothing to do with hotmail, except for the fact that they're both on the internet. Also, its not "minus well" its "might as well". Only humiliated myself a little bit with that one. If you have a piece of furniture that won't fit through a doorway with it on get a screwdriver and a hammer. DO NOT unscrew the hinges. There are metal rods in the hinges you con just bang out. If you are displeased with service or products you receive and are trying to deal with be calm and pleasant. When they try to just say they are sorry, stay silent and they will eventually do something to fix it. Water is actually colored blue! (I read about it in a book once.) If you don't believe me, fill up your white bathtup with several inches of water and look at the blueish tint of the water. This is why lakes, rivers, and oceans are blue. It's not just the reflection of the sky (think cloudy days). Maybe you never paid cash for sex, but whatever you got was far from free. Happy wife = happy life. Love people not things. Somewhere in my teen years it occured to me that "youth in Asia" was not some sort of current events situation happening in Asia. I realized this when i discovered the word euthanize. Really "put to sleep" is a horrible lie. It's called Tetris because Tetra means 4 in Greek and each of the falling pieces consists of 4 squares It is time to end this. Always check for Trolls before sitting down. (Trolls are Toilet Rolls btw.) Howard "Everyday" is an adjective. It means "ordinary". If you mean something that happens each day, it's two words. And there's no such word as "everytime" - again, it's two words. I once witnessed my mother having an epiphany. She realised why a child's highchair is called a 'high chair'. She's actually not unintelligent. if you drink lots of grape kool-aid or welch's purple grape juice, your poop will be green. Don't know why, it's freaky! Also, if you have a grumpy customer, talk to them. Find out why they are unhappy, be nice to them. They will cheer up and you will feel better knowing that you made someone happier by just caring a little bit. 1. In history books, "c" is pronounced "circa", and means "around about then, we figure." 2. I used to jump into pools between the printed "No Diving" signs. Eventually I learned to dive and realized it wasn't the same as jumping, and that's why I never got in trouble. Whoever it is in the kitchen with Dinah isn't producing music on a stringed instrument when he/she is "strumming on the ol' banjo." The English language has it's roots in German not Latin. Honey is indeed bee vomit, but it's vomited flower nectar, not pollen. Flowers use the nectar to lure the bees. Bees get pollen on their feet while eating the nectar and the flowers take advantage of that to pollenate one another. when living overseas, skypeOut is better then calling cards (i saved a lot of money this month). Also, skypeIN is better then asking your friends and family and acquintances and buinesses partners to "just go buy a phone card" And an expensive "skype phone" is not better then a cheap pair of headphones with a mic attached. USB Cords are thick and not nice to walk around with, and they dont go very long before they lose power, sound cables are much better. The space between the Upper case "E" and the "X" in the FedEx logo forms a rightward facing arrow. It's "per se", not "per say" 80% of statistics used without citing a source are probably just made up. spiders love to hide in clothing that's laying about. it's a good idea to put your clothes away. you can't spell pirate without IRATE. While it is true that the sky is blue from refracting a higher percentage of blue light and not because 'it reflects the sea', the sea is indeed blue because it reflects the sky. Two good bathroom tips: 1)If you dry yourself off within the shower, after turning the water off, you drip down the shower drain and you won't get the bathroom floor all wet. 2) If you flush after the first few moments of a number two, after the initial deposit (which is usually the bulk of the visit), you will prevent stinking up the bathroom. Two total flushes should be OK except during massive droughts. The Count from Sesame Street may be the most clever idea in pupetry. A little known classical aspect of the vampire is that it is obsessive-compulsive, and loves to count things. A traditional means of protecting yourself from vampire attacks was to spread mustard seeds on your doorstep, which would keep the vampire busy counting until sunrise. So the Count not only loves to count because he holds the title of "count", but because vampires love to count things. Two things I figured out - 1: To make the retrieval of cigarettes from a soft pack easier, put your lips tighty around the pack's opening and blow to expand the pack. 2: To light paper matches (from a book), hold the end with your index finger and thumb and use your middle finger to hold the head to the striking surface while you flick your wrist. Upon completing completing the wrist motion, move your middle finger quickly to avoid burning it. i discovered that when Americans use the term "Yankee", they are generally refering to those fellow Americans that live in the "northern" states. When anyone else in the world uses the term, they are refering to an American from anywhere in the U.S. Ironically, the more of a Southern drawl an American has, the more identifiable as a "Yankee" the person is. My butt smells like farts. You can get white deodorant marks off of your clothes by rubbing them with panyhose. Amazing! The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy nor roman The expression "run the gamut" comes from the English musical scale of the 1600s, which ran from the note "ga" to the note "mut." to remove food dye from your skin, and prevent yourself form being caught literally red-handed literally, use a dipilitory cream like nair. --cherry It's "Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon!" Not "I'mma I'mma I'mma I'mma I'mma Comedian!" I was 36 before i realised that HMV music stores where named after His Masters Voice... even the little doggie in to logo didnt give it away... doh!!! It's not "Motherload," it's "Motherlode," where a lode is a large concentration of the desired mineral. Minerals are concentrated at lodes, loads are connected by veins or ribbons of the same mineral, and if you're lucky, you'll find yourself at so large a lode that it's considered the mother of the others-- you've struck the motherlode. In the FedEx logo, a little arrow pointing to the right is created between the E and the x. look at it, and i guarantee the first thing you notice will be the arrow. Although the "Terminal Cab" company would like you to think they go to the airport, in truth they drive so poorly it is likely to be your final cab ride ever. Always shake twice. My brother and I discovered that common under-arm deoderant has alcohol in it, so it burns quite well. We also learned that as deoderant burns, it will melt, run down and burn your hand. The burning sensation will then cause a jerking motion which causes the burning deoderant to drop onto the carpet. A quick stomp will then cause a napalm like explosion resulting in a burning ring of deoderant. It is at this point, a fire extinguiser should be sought. Learned this on 20/20--it's Cocker-um, not Cocker-Ham! It only took 12 years of driving to figure out the best way to get rid of a tailgater on the freeway. Don't bother tapping your brakes or "brake checking" someone. Just clean your windshield. The combination of speed and distance will create a mist which forces them to clean their windshield. They will back off, it is safer and less obvious, and really funny. Cucumbers are just like tiny melons. I was eating one whole and looked it up online to see that yes, cucumbers are related to melons. It's "Kit and Caboodle" not "Kitten Caboodle" No one outside of Texas says "fixing" to mean "about to." You get laughed at when you say "fixing to go to the store" in Las Vegas. When drinking a shake or malt, sucking with as much force as possible on your straw only collapses it. You can't force viscous materials. When cross stitching, it looks better if all your top stitches go the same direction (as in the stitch on the top should go from L.A. to New York on every square) When your hair is in a pony tail and your head itches, scratch only in the direction that the hair is laying or you'll create a lump. When you have a very short distance to brake, swerving side to side a little bit increases the distance between you and the car ahead of you because of the whole straight-line=shortest-distance axiom. folding t-shirts by holding them upside down makes it easier to fold them with square corners. It's called a T-shirt because it's in the shape of a T. The time between a job interview and the first day on the job is about 2 weeks. Adjust your budget accordingly. Leaving a paper cup with melted ice and soda left overs in the cup holder for a few days results in a loss of the cup's structural integrity, thereby filling the cupholder with old watery soda. Furthermore, this will cause a mold problem if not addressed in a timely manner. When I was in high school and when I got up in the morning I must have gotten out of bed by 6:30. If I didnt my dad would make it to the bathroom before me and smoke cigarettes and poop while reading the paper. It smelled awful by the time I can get in there. That alone was my only motivation for getting up at the proper time. Also, in an earlier submission about interstae highways... East-West highways are even numbers. A good example is Interstate 12 in Louisiana. North-South highways are odd numbers (I-49 in Louisiana and I-27 in Texas). The original plan was 0's and 5's but that changed once the numbers ran out. Also, if you throw an old hammer at tom-cat that wont stop fucking your pet cat make sure the hammer head isnt loose. Otherwise the head will fly off and go through the front window of your house and your mom will freak out while holding your baby brother and your dad will come outside and call you a stupid ass and make you clean up all the little bits of broken glass. And an upside down stapler is NOT a good substitution for a pistol. It is not a good idea to fart loud in church and try not to laugh. Everyone will see you and your friends turning red. Then the preacher will call you out by name and tell you to pay attention. Then after your church your parents will call you a stupid ass. If you throw old fruit at the brick wall in the backyard of your home in Tucson one would think that the fruit would detiorate and rot away. But that doesnt happen. It just sits there and your room mates wonder why there is busted up fruit all along the back wall. And tonight for dinner I got the zesty nachos and a blueberry snow come from the Snow Patch. Lots of other people make little Xs using their fingernail on mosquito bites, not just you. If you wake up before the alarm clock (up to 30 minutes before) you'll feel more refreshed during the day if you go ahead and get up as opposed to trying to get a few extra minutes of sleep. Scratching a spot more than 4 strokes leads to skin damage which will itch in the future. If it feels like you're rolling over a bumpy surface when using a mouse, your mouse wheels are probably dirty. Even if it's really fine and blonde, wax your lip if your lip hairs are long enough grasp and pull. Putting a ton of keychains on your keys screws up your car somehow. When you leave your window down in your car and it rains, the seat cusion is full of water even if it feels dry to the touch. Clean your steering wheel from time to time. Co-workers like you more if you never let them know when you feel unhappy. On the same note, when people say "How are you today," they aren't really asking, they're just acknowledging your presense. Rinse your contact lense case after pouring out the solution. Letting it dry and form a crust during the day makes your bathroom counter sticky and isn't good for your contact lenses. Mechanical pencils are less messy than wooden pencils. It's easier to get a sharp point on a pencil that is real wood as opposed to one that is dense, laminate-type wood. The test is the easier it is to chew on, the better the pencil. Those little painful bumps on your tongue are from eating too much sugar. The longer you leave a message on a dry-erase board, the harder it is too remove. This is especially true of dry-erase boards that sit in the sun. Tuna can be used for foods other than tuna-fish sandwiches. You are not a weird as you think you are. Those odd little things you do in private? Lots of people do those. Your parents were once your age and acted kinda like you do. You'll act like your parents one day. Don't put bras (especially your nice ones) in the dryer. When it comes to underwear, you get what you pay for. Wal-mart is good for getting film developed, buying CDs, and shampoo, NOT for buying bras. The less you have early in life, the more you appreciate what you have later in life. The longer the sheet marks stay on your skin, the more dehydrated you are. Twist up your pony tail before trying to form it into a bun. Twist it tight enough and it will natually want to form a bun. No matter how much the green hair-dye box claims that it is not permanent, you will probably have a slight green tint until you dye your hair a more natural color. Let dogs and cats smell your hand before you try to pet them. Even if they don't try to bite or scratch you, they like it more when they can smell who's coming at them. Incandescent bulbs give off a more natural light than florescent bulbs. Apply your make-up in sun light instead of under lightbulbs. It will look better. If this isn't possible because of poor window placement in your bathroom/bedroom, double-check your make-up in the car. No, not everyone gets those little white/yellow really nasty smelling tonsil rocks. I discovered this then confirmed it: only about 2% of people get them. If you are excersing so hard that you feel nauseous and you don't feel right for the rest of the day, you're exercising way too hard. Healthy excercise is supposed to make you feel uncomfortable, not painful, and it's supposed to make you feel fantastic a few hours later. Kids are naturally drawn to cutting hair. Kids + scissors will eventually lead to a haircut. Of your married aunt and uncle, one of the two isn't your blood relative. Being able to move your eyes independently makes those Magic-Eye posters really easy to "see." Even on a cloudy day, the sidewalk is hot enough to blister your feet in the summer. Eating while driving is just as unsafe as using a cell-phone while driving. Hot, caffeinated drinks go through you like a lazer. If your mouth tastes bad in the morning, your breath smells even worse. Chewing ice annoys those around you and isn't good for your teeth. Women's nipples come in all kinds of shapes/color/sizes. A hand-held showerhead is useful for more than just getting those hard-to-reach body parts. They also make it much easier to clean the shower. Mechanical pencils are less messy than wooden pencils. Cloves and garlic cloves are not the same thing. That mixup was cause for the worst pumpkin pies ever. All sitcoms are just a variation on the straight-man/funny-man routines. There can be multiple funny-men/straight-men in the scene but there is always one of each. when painting, make sure everything is properly taped off, or ells you'll end up with red all over your nice window trim. Soccer is short for Association Football, and is just called Football in most of the world outside Canada and the USA. In the music man, right before the end, the reason he conducts so strangely is because hes wearing handcuffs. Took me 10 years to somehow see this. If you only have two unturned cards left in your game of Solitare, you can win. Period. You know when you're watching some fantasy movie (which may or may not be about Rings) and an archer tilts his bow sideways before he fires it? It's not because it's gansta or something, it's because the broadhead arrowhead would strike someone in the chest and enter between the ribs. Holding the bow vertically would more likely result in the vertical arrowhead hitting someone in the chest, but not getting past the ribs. As a little corollary to this, broadhead arrows designed to kill people are aligned horizontally when drawn on the bow, while broadhead arrows meant to kill stuff like deer are aligned vertically, as stuff like deer have their ribs aligned vertically (more or less). I guess all those people in those fantasy movies just bring hunting arrows with them during their people-killing escapades. A little eye-opener when I was reading http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1203211 - Cyberscythe (taking credit for other people's knowledge since 1997) If you forgot to do your homework, dont make up a lame excuse. Teachers know you just forgot and they know your excuse is a lie. A little correction for the submission on page 8 Ctrl-S = 'Save' Ctrl-A = 'Select All' also, some other useful shortcuts Ctrl-P = 'Print' Alt-F4 = 'Close Program' I've discovered that a lot of people's "discoveries" they submitted are actually their opinions, and to that end they are not along the lines of Rob's original page. At best some "discoveries" are controversial, and at worst they are stupid. Some young women are very impressed by the ability to recite Monty Python from memory and will join in. "See the writing on the wall" is a Biblical reference When antiperspirants say they're "pH balanced for a woman," they mean "if you use this after you shave your underarms, it won't sting quite as much." It's not something specifically for lady sweat vs. guy sweat. That being said, most people can get by with just a deodorant if they shower occasionally. If you need to tell which eggs are hardboiled and which are raw, put them on a counter or table and spin them. The raw ones will spin slugishly and the hard-boiled eggs will whirl around like tops. You don't need a working clutch in order to drive a car with a manual transmission. Especially if the car is older and doesn't have a hydraulic clutch. By simply pulling the car out of gear right after letting off the throttle, and waiting for the RPMs to match the speed of the next gear, you can shift without ever touching the clutch pedal. On older cars that don't require the clutch to be in for it to start, you can drive your car through 30 miles of traffic to your favorite repair shop with a snapped clutch cable. On the subject of cars... Car batteries don't like to be dropped, or flung around in the trunk of your car when the battery tray welds break loose. A bottle of apple juice is an excellent replacement for that morning can of soda. Once you get over the shakes, headaches and cold sweats, that is. Slapping your hot, female coworker on the ass is only a good thing if you're dating/married. And then only outside of work. Accidentally printing out the page with your comment about slapping coworkers instead of what you were working on while at work can be somewhat frightening. When someone says "The fun never ends!" They're lying. It ALWAYS ends. It is possible to have two cats from the same litter, and be allergic to one, but not the other. A great many people do not fully understand the proper usage of apostrophe's. The good thing about this is that it makes for some interesting sign's. censorship sucks Automatic transmission equiped cars get worse gas mileage than manual car. That is true, but it's not because automatic is heavier. The weight difference isn't enough to make a difference. It's because automatic transmissions have a lot more friction. There's a liquid spinning the gears. I've got a new idea for when I open my restaurant. It would be awesome to have a restaurant with secret areas and cheat codes. Like, if you order the twelfth item on the menu, and you're the twelfth customer of the day, and it's twelve o'clock, your meal is free! Or, if you order a "cheese and ham" sandwich, instead of a "ham and cheese" sandwich, you get a secret bonus rutabaga. Of course, the moment the restaurant opened, some hardcore lamer loser would somehow have miraculously already figured out all the cheat codes and posted them on his Internet fan site, so the rule could be that every time someone finds a secret, it becomes invalid, and a new secret replaces it. This keeps customers on their toes. I think I'd probably get a lot of people coming in saying things like, "I'll have a hamburger sub with cheese..." and look expectantly at the waitress and perhaps add thoughtfully, "...and I don't need napkins." And the waitress would go, "Aw, so close." And then the guy would come in the next day and order a hamburger sub with cheese and "salt on the side" -- three times -- and, yay, he gets extra meal tax! Ties are all wrong. Who thought it would be a formal, classy, dress-up kind of thing for a man to wear a tie? It serves no practical purpose. It does not cover parts of the body. It does not provide shelter from the atmosphere. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Did you ever think about how strange it is that people drink milk? I mean who was the first person to actually try it? Must have been a crazy person. I mean I don't think a sane person would ever think of sucking on a cow's tits... it's just strange. Also, who came up with the idea that putting yiest into dough will make it rise? Who knows what else is possible if we just think outside the box. Maybe if you mix chocolate and chicken fingers, it'll taste real good... =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Being unemployed is pretty cool as long as you don't need money. The reason you are suppose to wax your car in the shade is because the wax will not full dry in the sun and harden properly. This is because the heat from the sun on the metal keeps the wax in s semi-melted state. Nero Burning Rom, is called that because Nero was blamed for Burning Rom(E). Makes sense doesnt it. You know, when you see those garden balls they call "gazing globes" if it's a blue globe your reflection looks blue, if it's a green globe, you look green, etc. Well, if it's a silver globe, you look normal...so silver (and this includes mirrors) must be "shiny white" since it doesn't impart a color of its own. I haven't figured out how to make money from this revelation. BK Hot glass looks exactly the same as room temperature glass, trust me I found this out the hard way in Chemistry class. BK Aged beef is just meat that has reached a level of deomposition that makes it tender. That's why you should buy the discounted rib-eyes. BK Always have your picture taken from above or tilt your head down and look up. The human eye favors large foreheads, large eyes and smaller nose, mouth and chins. You don't want to draw attention to those Nixonian jowls. BK Always have your picture taken from above or tilt your head down and look up. The human eye favors large foreheads, large eyes and smaller nose, mouth and chins. You don't want to draw attention to those Nixonian jowls. You should reconsider your picture on "Things I Figured Out". BK BK Happiness equals reality minus expectation. This is an immutable law. Don't expect the movie, vacation, date, party, etc. to be FABULOUS, you will only be disappointed. Expect nothing, if it turns out to be OK you will be HAPPY. If it is great...GREAT. BK Flammable and inflammable are the same thing. Don't find this out the hard way. BK "Irregardless" is not a real word. In fact, it's a double negative. The correct word to use is "regardless", regardless of what you might have been taught. In the song/poem "The Itsy Bitsy Spider", one of the last lines is "Out came the sun and dried up all the rain", not "Out came the sun and dried the fall of rain". I just learned that last Christmas. I am 23. When the Big 10 conference went to 11 teams, they kept the same name but changed their logo. The new logo has an 11 on the sides of the "T" in Ten. It took me 3 years of attending a Big Ten school until this popped out at me once while walking to class. When you're looking for something you've misplaced, "It's always in the last place you look." I realized that's because once you find it, you stop looking for it. Regardless of how many places you look, the place you find it will be the last. Most democrats are gay. "I've got a new idea for when I open my restaurant. It would be awesome to have a restaurant with secret areas and cheat codes. Like, if you order the twelfth item on the menu, and you're the twelfth customer of the day, and it's twelve o'clock, your meal is free! Or, if you order a "cheese and ham" sandwich, instead of a "ham and cheese" sandwich, you get a secret bonus rutabaga. Of course, the moment the restaurant opened, some hardcore lamer loser would somehow have miraculously already figured out all the cheat codes and posted them on his Internet fan site, so the rule could be that every time someone finds a secret, it becomes invalid, and a new secret replaces it. This keeps customers on their toes. I think I'd probably get a lot of people coming in saying things like, "I'll have a hamburger sub with cheese..." and look expectantly at the waitress and perhaps add thoughtfully, "...and I don't need napkins." And the waitress would go, "Aw, so close." And then the guy would come in the next day and order a hamburger sub with cheese and "salt on the side" -- three times -- and, yay, he gets extra meal tax!" This person is my new hero * | | | The phrase is "the spit and image" not "the spitting image." Also, "card shark" has become the phrase, but it's actually "card sharp" as in someone who is sharp at cards. Windows key and the L key, when pushed on a Windows XP machine will switch user. __ _,-"~^"-. _// ) _,-"~` `. ." ( /`"-,-"` ; / 6 ; / , ,-" ; (,__.--. \ / ; //' /`-.\ | | `._________ _.-'_/` ) )--...,,,___\ \-----------,) ((("~` _.-'.-' __`-. ) // ((("` (((---~"` // If one learns all the keyboard short- ((________________ cuts, mice would become worthless. `----""""~~~~^^^``` _____ _.-'" "'-._ ,-".-. .-."-. ,' .-. .-. `, / / _\ / _\ \ .-. | | ( | | ( | | .-. .-----\ \ | '---' '---' | / /-----. :---- |--| ', ,' |--| ----: :---- '-`|--| ^"-.,_______,.-;^ |--|`-' ----: '---....' | _ `-' | '....---' | [ '-"-.-"-. | \ | .-. .-. | / `. | | | | | | ,' `._ [___]|__]|__] _,' `--.._____..--' / / \ \ / / \ \ .---'"=="\ /"=="'---. ( | | ) '--------' '--------' Doesn't this make you hungry? Mmmm... M&Ms are good. Computer programs are algorithms and equations in computer language! You can only make money when someone else is losing money. At the retail level, think about it: Wal Mart paid $4 for that CD, You're paying them $16. You lost $12 because you can't afford to buy 1000 of that CD like Wal Mart can. Same with re-selling a car. If you sell it for $2000 and it's worth $4000, you're losing $2000. If you put it out for sale for $4000 (its blue book value), it won't sell. Don't get me started on trading in a car at the lot.... Ctrl + S = Save Ctrl + A = Select All If you are a computer programmer, don't steel broken code. Or in other words, don't assume that the code you're ripping off from a co-worker or anonymous source on the internet acutally works. Santa Clause comes from the Germanic (and Dutch) words for Saint Nicholas, "Sankt Nicklaus", pronounced roughly "zongt nick-lows". Say it lots times fast and you'll get the picture. For years I thought the lyrics for "You Sexy Thing" was actually "Use Cellophane". Peonies are bad flowers to plant right next to your house. Not only are they not able to support their own weight, so the fall down when it rains and look ugly, but they also attract massive numbers of ants. Which will then get into your house and annoy you to no end. The proper place for peonies is the golf course. Peonies are bad flowers to plant right next to your house. Not only are they not able to support their own weight, so the fall down when it rains and look ugly, but they also attract massive numbers of ants. Which will then get into your house and annoy you to no end. The proper place for peonies is the golf course. Unless of course you want ants in your house. Things tend to taste better when you grow them yourself. Not because the quality of the food in better, per se, but because you appreciate the effort of caring for it more. Whaddya know, dad was right... If you thoroughly rinse out a bleach jug 3-5 times, you can store water in it that's safe to drink, and the very little bleach left will prevent it from going stale. Freeze it half a dozen of them, and they'll last a roofing crew all day. Plus the looks you get from the neighbors are priceless. Woodworking is harder than it looks, particularly with coarse grained woods. (From Dear Abby, I believe) There's a kind of mold that grows in pancake mix that can be fatal to people with mold allergies. A good way to prevent this is to eat lots of pancakes, so the mix never gets old. On the same note, freezing a bag of flour for a day before you use it (or just storing it in the freezer until you need it) will kill all the little tiny bugs that like to live there. "Restless leg syndrome" is considered a sleeping disorder People only get on your nerves if you let them. "chronic" pain doesn't mean fatal pain, it just means it never goes away. The saying is "I couldn't care less" not "I could care less" Saying "I could care less" tells the person listening that you do indeed care, whereas saying "I couldn't care less" tells them that there is no possible earthly way for whatever you're talking about to be any more insignificant to you. The saying "Cool as a Cucumber" is becasue cucumbers actually remain about 5 degrees below the ambient temp. Ever freeze a cucumber in the fridge? About 7th or 8th grade, I figured out that people who can't have dairy products are "lactose intolerant", not "lack toast and tolerant". I always wondered why people who didn't have toast couldn't drink milk... Clearchannel doesn't care what the listeners of particular stations want to hear. They play what they need to to make the most money. This is why you will never hear of a clearchannel station banning that damn James Blunt song like a few stations in England did. Chronically, willfully stupid people should be banned. Unfortunately, this would end up with 70% of the American population being shipped off to penal colonies on the moon or whatever. On the flip side, my morning commute would be awesome. You learn interesting things about yourself by recording how much time you spend on daily activities. I learnt I spent an average of 26 hours and 43 minutes every week basically doing nothing. And surprisingly little time doing chores around the house. If you turn the doorknob before closing the door and then release it, it won't make that loud ker-THUNK noise. Also, Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers are not and have never been married. It is amazing how obvious some things are that some people find amazing. Thanks to a MetLife commercial, I realized only today that "if is the middle word of life." Literally. (lIFe) Up until today, I just thought that was a goofy poetic thing that Dennis Hopper's character said in _Apocalypse Now_. Doc (Deuce of Clubs--heya, Rob) To smores in toaster person: I almost burned my house down trying to toast marshmallows on the toaster as a kid. Be careful! A empty pop/beercan carton is perfect for storing empty toilet paper rolls. Many people say that when your car battery terminals get corroded you should pour soda on them and it will remove the corrosion. I found that orange juice not only works better (more acidic) but is LOTS cheaper too. And the left over warm orange juice tastes much better than warm soda. It took me forever to realize that when they talk about a "synchronous orbit" on Start Trek, they mean that they're keeping the ship over the same spot on the planet. I had just dismissed it as technobabble before that. Duh. The ABC song, bah bah black sheep, and twinkle twinkle little star are all sung to the same tune. If you handle your onions underwater or under running water they wont make your eyes tear up. A comment on page 12 was wrong. Honey is actually regurgitated nectar (not pollen). The best wedding picture ever: http://img60.imageshack.us/img60/79/wedding8ok.jpg That the term "My Baby's Daddy" does not necessarily refer to a woman's husband or boyfriend, but to the man that just so happens to be the father of her child. When you are breaking up with a woman and telling her that you don't want to get married to anyone ever, that it's just not in the scheme of things, just be straight up and tell her that you probably will get married and that you don't want to get married to her. If you lose the back to an earring, break an eraser off a pencil and use that for the back... it'll get you through the day. Or, if you're like me, the year... or two. This will either win the award for totally unobservant or moron- you choose. When I was in college I was a "Law and Order" junkie. You have all heard the opening speil about the show being about the police who capture the criminals and the district attorneys who prosecute them? Well- about a year into my addiction, it hit me that the show had BOTH sides of the legal system represented! Unfortunately for me I had to share my excitement with my husband, who thought it was the funniest thing ever. Whenever I state something obvious now he will say, "Honey, you know what i just realized... that show 'Law and Order?' It's about both LAWYERS AND COPS!" When entering or exiting a hinged door, look to the side for hinges. If you can see the hinges, pull. If you can't and there is no sign to push or pull then push. It is in fact pronounced "COCKER-ham," not "COCK-a-rum," no matter what the 20/20 guy says. Making your own liquor may be fun, but it's also illegal. A teaspoon or two of straight lemon juice will always, *always* get rid of my hiccups. However, it never seems to work with other people... Saying someone who is very drunk is "three sheets to the wind" is a sailing referance. Sails are refered to as sheets and having a sheet to the wind means a sail is flapping loose in the wind. If a large three mast ship has all three sheets to the wind they aren't in control of where they are going. I can actually do things when i put my mind to it, and so can you. OMFGWTFBBQ Men like handjobs given from the shaft of the penis. The United Kingdom is so named becuase it consists of the four "kingdoms" of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland which are "United" If you eat a lot of beets your pee will turn red. You do not in fact have kidney stones. They are Canada Geese, or singularly a Canada Goose. Not Canadian Geese. Canadians are people. Light is invisible to the eye. You only see it when it hits a destination to reflect off Sometimes your arms will fall asleep if you have them crossed with your hands underneath your upper arms. This is because the knuckles or just the whole hand itself is pinching the main artery in your arms, which happens to run along the space between the humerus and the bicep, on the inside. the lump behind my dog's year was matted fur, not a furry tumor... Someone wrote "Green, black, white, red, and oolong tea are all made by steeping the same plant - the only difference is the amount of leaf oxidation." This is only mostly true. Green, black, white, and oolong tea are all made from the leaves of Camellia Sinensis. However, red tea is made from a plant called rooibos, and is considered an herbal tea, or tisane. So when you're wondering how good the emergency brake works, you hold down the little button and pull it up, and the car stops awful slow and it's pretty hard to keep pulling it up for maximum braking power, right? It turns out that if you don't hold the button that disables the ratchet you just have to jerk it up once, and let the ratchet keep applying the force. Reno NV is west of LA Reload this page for a new random thought. #3 I think these Veronica Lake hairstyles need to stop. You know the type -- long hair combed all over one eye, head tilted to the side (either to maintain the hairstyle or because the neck buckles under the weight). These women always chew gum. One mandates the other. You have a Veronica Lake hairdo, you chew gum, and vice versa. I guess they figure that since they don't have any depth perception anyway, then chewing gum won't do anything further to hinder their walking. I discovered that you feel sort of sad when you reach the end of all the discoveries that there aren't any more to read. The brand Palmolive is the just a combination of the words "palm and "olive." How did I never notice that before? I mean, I'm almost 40, I've seen their ads for my whole life, and I just noticed? What the hell?! Oh and two more: You can rearrange the letters in the word "Episcopal" to spell "Pepsi Cola". And by removing the first and last two letters in Saturday, you spell turd. Cool, huh? Jon (Mesa, AZ) When there's a note explaining something signed 'Ed.', it's short for 'editor', not 'Edward'. When camping, tie your empty sliced-bread bag on a stick and light it on fire. It is awesome. It slowly melts and drips off in little flaming bits, which make a cool outer-space phaser-gun noise when they fall. Have you ever played Galaga? -22 "Young women are not impressed by the ability to recite Monty Python from memory." not really. usually. but not always(i love python) Making ice cubes with hot water will lessen the air bubbles, therefore making for clearer ice! Here's a little discovery to add to the candles burning wax. The wax that burns on the wick and vaporizes actually ends up settling on everything nearby in a dirty film of burnt wax. I used to love to be surrounded by candles, but now I'd rather be surrounded by clean. When asked for suggestions at an improvisational comedy show, the following words will make you a jackass. -Toilet -Michael Jackson -Jello -Squirrel -Dildo bk When shopping, put the heaviest items up on the conveyer belt FIRST. That way they will end up on the bottom of your carriage when bagged, and won't crush the light items. Always put frozen, or non-food items together too. Either half of the people submitting these things have no common sense, or they too have come to the realization that the human race is overburdened with idiots. In most cases, people don't really notice your zits. If they do, they usually politely stay quiet about it out of sympathy. Children who speak like adults always end up as annoying adults. SUV stands for "Sports Utility Vehicle." D's get degrees. As an addition to Valerie's "Soft foods get hard when they go stale and hard foods get soft" This has to do with moisture either returning to environment (and being taken away from the food) or leaving the environment (and entering the food). It's sort of balancing out the moisture between the two. I actually had not yet figured all these things out for myself. I hope reading this isn't cheating. When you get one of those little tickets when you enter a parking garage, take the ticket with you when you leave the car. That way, if someone should steal your car, it will be more inconvenient/expensive for them to get out of the garage! Plus, spraypaint dissolves styrofoam . . . man am I glad I did a test piece first! "I discovered that bok choi, choi sum, chinese cabbage, pak choi and many other asian vegies, are just the same damn vegetable!" If you think this is true, you are being cheated. Chinese cabbage is a different plant, bok choy / pak choi are just different spelling of a similar pronunciation. The Vikings (North Men) settled in France in the 10th Century and then invaded England in 1066 as Normans Little kids are not afraid to tell you what they think about you. They tend to be obnoxiously honest. Vodka is made from potatoes You don't need to absolutely keep the lid on the pot every second ofthe time that you're cooking rice. But if you do lift the lid, you may end up needing to add more water at some point. Or, just start with more water in the pot than you would otherwise. When making lasagna, it's important to use the right egg:ricotta cheese ratio between the layers. That way, the cheese doesn't get runny. Also, don't put too much sauce between the layers. Too much sauce makes it fall apart when you try to cut a slice and lift it out of the pan. Instead, just keep some sauce on the side and pour it all over the slice when it's already on the plate. Yummy!! A handheld stapler is easier to use than a desktop model. Reno is further west than Los Angeles. When you fall in love with someone, they become the most beautiful person in the world. 'fro', as in 'to and fro', is a shortened version of 'from'. almost all zippers inb america have the letters YKK on them The sky is actually purple. Our eyes are just not sensitive enough to that end of the electromagnetic spectrum of visibile light. The next closest color is blue, and that's what we see. ACTUALLY, bender in futurama isn't named after his occupation (bending) or the fact that he's always on a "bender" those must have come after the name, he is named after bender in the breakfast club. Little Discovery: When a guy says "I'll call you" at the end of a date, that does not mean "I'll call you," it can actually, sometimes, mean "I'm not calling you. In fact, if I ever see you again, I will act really weird and not even say hi and avoid you like the plague because I'm an immature douche." I just discovered this in the past two minutes: When I'm on the can peeing and I need to blow my nose (I multi-task)my pee stream stops. I can't pee and blow my nose at the same time! Am I the only one, I wonder? Hmmm. Most companies provide coffee to their employees without charge, but employees still go out and pay $5.00 for a cup of coffee at the corner shop. I couldn't understand paying money for something that you could get without charge in the kitchen, until I realized that it's more about getting out of the office that it is about getting a cup of coffee. I learned that euthanasia doesn't have anything to do with youth in asia. One more on the logo subject: I was probably 20 before I figured out that the Alaska Airlines man on their plane's tails wasn't some dude with a serious afro, but an Eskimo! Save your automobile service receipts! After having the proper paperwork, I managed to drop a $1,398 repair job down to $133, since almost everything had already been done and was under warranty. Don't expect the place that serviced it to keep proper records, either. The place I went warrants for 24 months or 24k miles, whichever comes LAST. For some reason, they only kept the last 18 months of records. But I had my copy! Pulled pork is not pulled and stretched, it is pulled apart. People's minds work differently from one another. Different people can solve different kinds of problems under different circumstances. Different people notice different things. Intelligence cannot be measured on a linear scale. Radio stations aren't actually inside radio towers. I learned that DNA testing, Smart Christian Giving, Sheep Ringtones, and Blackwing Organic Meats are big sellers with visitors to Cockeyed.com for some damn reason. At least according to Ads by Goooooogle. 'Cause those are the ads I'm seeing right now. I can see the organic meats thing, because you mentioned meat, but where the hell do they get "smart Christian giving"? L'eggo my Eggo is a play on 'let go of my Eggo'. And Pop Secret is a play on 'top secret'. Just figured these out recently, and you would not believe how stupid people think I am for not realizing them! irregardlessly isn't a word On the Ogunquit Playhouse note, if you ever take your children to a similarly named place, be sure that they are aware that is is a theatre and not a house of playing. We cried for hours when we were told we were to go there, but to wear our nice clothing and watch. there is no antonim for discombobulated combobulated is not a word that i can find in any dictionary Joe Estevez is awesome and real. It is far better to owe taxes at the end of the year than it is to get a refund as long as you plan on it all year. The government charges most people more every week than they will end up owing so they put it in, lets say, a savings account, and collect and keep all the interest. If you over-claim at the begining of the year, say 8, then you will get larger paychecks. Put a percentage of this that is comparable to what you'd pay in taxes into your own account then you get to keep the interest. At the end of the year figure your taxes with your true deductions (in my case 1) and pay your taxes out of that bank account. What you will have left over will be your refund and it will be more than it normally is. This only works if you stick to it every time you get paid and don't touch the money. I am a bad driver. There is a 50% chance that you are a worse than average driver. "real life" is not a specific point in time, i.e. after college graduation. There isn't suddenly a heap of responibility you inherit and it's not as daunting as your parents/teachers make it out to be. You can be a slacker and still have success in life. "Also, cigarettes don't actually calm you down, they speed up your heart. It's a cruel little trick your brain plays on you because the cigarette fills a psychological need." While smoking speeds up your heart, it also *does* calm you down... When you smoke, you are taking deep breath after deep breath. Communication builds trust; the opposite is also true. Eating dandelions makes you wee more. Don't ask me why, but I've eaten many dandelions in my time and I always need the loo afterwards! Danni xXx reading these things makes me realize how big the world is and how my perspective of it is only what i see in front of me- not what is really going on around me. It takes about 40 minutes to hard-boil an ostrich egg. Buying two of the smaller size of chicken nuggets is often cheaper then one of the larger size. And you get more nuggets! After 37 years, I recently figured out that I was tying my shoelaces wrong!! Over-under-over-under, which is the easy way, leads to bows that don't line up perpendicular to your shoes, and come untied easily. It's supposed to be over-under-under-over or under-over-over, like a square knot. When you do it right, you don't need double knots! DUH!! "Almost all Helium balloons are powered by NUCLEAR REACTIONS. Yep.. Helium is a by-product of nuclear electric generation. Why won't Bush let the Iranians make their own Helium Balloons?" The nuclear reactions already happened - underground! You don't get helium from a nuke plant, you get it from natural gas fields, mostly in Texas. That's why the Hindenburg blew up The US embargoed helium from Germany, so they used hydrogen instead. Like the above example, take everything with a grain of salt. Think about it, rather than just believing it. Including what I just wrote! derF Never trust an actor, a lawyer, or a salesman. A long, long time ago (in the 60s) when I was eighteen, I bought my very own VW convertible, coral-colored, of course. My sisters and I would cruise down 4th Street in Santa Ana, California. My VW bug was a 4-speed; there was no such thing as an automatic VW. I would drive around Santa Ana,... 1st gear; let up on the clutch, 2nd gear; let up on the clutch, 3rd gear; let up on the clutch, 4th gear; let up on the clutch. I knew how to drive a stick-shift! My Dad had taught me well in his '49 Ford pickup! Well, I went to Silverado Canyon to visit a girlfriend. I wanted to show off my car! She lived at the top of a steep hill. So, there I went, 1st gear, 2nd gear, 3rd gear...backward I would roll, down, down, down. Again, 1st gear, 2nd gear, 3rd gear, back, back, roll, roll, backwards down to the bottom of the hill! Darn, what's wrong with my car?! It took me three times to realize that if I left it in 1st gear, I would make it up the hill! Duh! That's why they have 1st gear, 2nd gear, 3rd gear, 4th gear!! Duh! Connie When I was about 6 or 7 years old, I was mesmerized by the 'Rules Of The Bus' sign above the drivers head. The last rule was, "Help The Driver Make Your Ride A Safe One". For the longest time, i wondered what day the driver was going to stop the bus so we could get out the construction paper and glue so we could all make our "Ride-A-Safe-One". Clouds stay in the sky because water is lighter than air. The only reason it stays in a glass is because the molecules are sticky and the lump they form is collectively heavier than air. Skin Honey is not regurgitated pollen; it is flower nectar that has been condensed by being fanned by the bees' wings after being collected in the honeycomb. Pollen sticks to the bees' legs while they are gathering nectar and then pollenates other plants when the bees travel. (I only learned this a couple of years ago from some PBS kids' show.) I don't know about the TV show Cops being the Shakespeare of our time, but "The Office" is modern Jane Austen: it's all about bad manners and quirky characters, and the only thing that enables us to endure all the painful, funny bad manners is hoping for the sympathetic, normal couple to overcome their pride or their prejudice or their sense or their sensibility enough to get together. When you have to fit objects of disparate sizes and shapes into a container, such as when putting toys into a kid's toy box, dishes in the dishwasher, packing luggage, you will fit things most efficiently by putting in the largest, most awkwardly-shaped items first, and then fitting the smaller items around them. Soylent Green is made of PEOPLE! DHL (shipping company) doesn't stand for anything, it's just plain D.H.L. Soylent Green is not food. Soylent Green is not food. You can remember the US/British spellings for the word grey with this phrase in alphabetical order: Gray is a color (..a..o..) and Grey is a colour (..e..ou..) You can't make somebody love you. Becoming a parent is the quickest way to realize "it ain't all about me." The "S" shaped curve in the drain pipe under a sink is to keep a layer of water suspended there, thus blocking the odor from the sewer. a peoce of cedar in my fiddle *violin* case keeps bugs away from the bow hair If you ever have to medicate your dog's rectum, use a condom as a finger glove. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. Don't vote for liking or disliking songs on pandora.com when you're drunk. Your judgment(T2) on music(and many other things) is distorted when you're drunk. :-p Chris H. i love cheese Elbows hurt more than fists, but they can be hurt easier too. no matter where you are in the world everyone thinks that they have the worst weather and drivers. everywhere I have lived the people all say "that's (insert location) weather for you, if you don't like it wait 10 minutes and it will change." New York is actually south of Connecticut, not north of it like I always thought. No matter how many times I try to cool oil in a hot pan by sticking it under the tap, it will always be a bad idea. People only do what they want to do. Therefore, in order to control someone, you must simply understand what motivates them. I discovered this past year that I can read about as fast as my eyes can move across a page, while still comprehending at about normal levels. It's easiest to do with an impending deadline and in a state of desperation. It's stupid to start massive papers the week before they're due. That said, everyone is going to wait till the last minute anyways, so stock up on coffee and munchies. It took me 35 years to realize this: Just because there's still a comment form open doesn't mean that Rob's still compiling comments. It's quite possible to waste half an hour sharing wisdom no one will ever read. Although it may be partly due to it being easier to see, most night vision goggles are green because this can be produced with realtively little energy (by chucking electrons at phosphorous), and so makes it more efficient. Also body heat is not wasted energy, it is intentionally produced as the heat helps to speed up all the non-respiration reactions. When in any form that will submit when return is pressed (such as typing on MSN) shift+return will give a new line. Ctrl= and Ctrl Shift = give subscript and superscript respectively (in word and some other word processing programmes). When you have to run through some tests on a peice of software, fiddling with it outside the test spec will make you unpopular because if you find any bugs it will mean more time has to be taken on the project. Adding coding commands to the spellchecker dictionary is worth the time as it allows the code to be copied to chack for spelling errors on the display (which makes you look stupid to everyone) or the comment (which makes you look stupid to the rest of the people on the project) For any chat service there is always a better client than the one provided by the operator. Handing very old books into a charity shop will just result in them recycling the books, the wont keep what they dont think will sell, in general its about 5 years for paperback, 2 for hardback, possibly double that for larger shops. Knowing latin does not help your knowledge of the english language as it is too much of a mongrel tongue for any one root language to help. If England is the land of the Angles, and Poland is the land of the Poles (or Polack if you go back far enough), who is Holland named after? or Cleveland for that matter. Any Swedish or Dutch person can translate between at least 2 common European languages. When travelling with a phrasebook in a foreign country, ensure you have a pencil or similar long, thin item, as pointing out the phrase with your finger will result in them reading the wrong one. Be sure to spell out hotM-A-I-L when giving e-amil adresses to elderly relatives to prevent ebarassing moments. "Lucy in the sky with diamonds" has more drug related content than most rap songs, and "Maxwell's silver hammer" is more violent. Most food can be refrigerated and re-heated at some point in the cooking process. Too many spices and herbs can be worse than too few. The speed gained by typing rather than writing notes is lost by formatting them to look right. On exams where there is no straight answer, slight humour can put the marker in a better mood, and may help your grade slightly. Also being able to put it into an English (language, not lit.) exercise will get you marks anyway. decimate is to reduce by 10% -Dan The name Arby's is meant to sound like the initials RB as in "Roast Beef" If you're halfway around the world from your wife, and you call her when you're drunk, and tell her that you've just realized you can't flirt with a pretty girl without instantly thinking of her, you get a nice response :0) i realise. it's perfectly okay to be gay. keep your girlfriend or wife on her toes.. by pretending wispher the names of other women in your sleep No matter how wrong you may think your parents were, they were always right. Example: the newspaper said there was a 20 percent chance of rain. My mother said it would rain and that I should bring an umbrella with me when I rode my bike to work. I said it wasn't because the sky was clear. 10 minutes later it begins to rain. When cutting wood, cut away from the line, on the waste side. This way, you can sand, plane or chisel the piece down to the required size! I figured this out after 20 years of cutting stuff. Demo is short for Demonstration. Took me way too long that make connecion. "If you don't point out your mistakes to people, chances are they didn't notice." This is awful advice. I do notice you are wrong, so you should probably explain yourself. You cannot talk your way out of a public urination citation. Claiming that you were 'cleaning it' is even worse. Women are so called because the are a "Womb Man" Red wine makes me sleepy. Not tipsy/drunk like other alcohol, but actually makes me want to go to bed early. i just realized elton john is gay In elementary school, I read that the sun will die one day, and devour the earth in a supernova. It is inevitable the earth will be destroyed. It made me think how stupid reincarnation is. To avoid having the last bit of urine trickle out of you after peeing, thus wetting your trousers, push up toward your head on your taint to squeeze the last drops out before zipping up. Some people say that ancient Romans held their testicles instead of their heart when they took an oath in court. This is where we get the word "testify". It may be an urban legend, but who cares? The Latin word "grex" means "herd". This is where we get the word "gregarious". In the Disney logo, the first letter is not a G, or some random symbol, it is a D drawn in a silly way that I'm guessing Walt Disney used to sign his name. I didn't figure this out until I was about 17, and I still have trouble looking at it like it's a D. My 18 year old friend just realized it's the Count of Montecristo, not Montecrisco. Cape Horn sounds just like Gay Porn. Two very different places on the map. HP and Hewlett Packard are the same company. if you take a chocolate covered graham cracker,take itty bitty bites off of each end, put one end in the milk, the other in your mouth and suck,it becomes a delicious cookie straw. The Copy feature works on the MS Windows calculator too. If you're having trouble screwing a cap on a bottle, turn it backwards until you feel a little click. That click means you're in the track and can begin screwing the cap on again. The above revelation about silk is in regards to the fabric, not the Tofu. The FedEX Logo has a little arrow pointing to the right between the E and the X. Joseph, Cedar Rapids, Iowa If you want to have a sing-a-long don't use a guitar, they're too agressive and phalic. Instead try a Ukulele, they're cute unassuming, and can be oddly romantic. I was probably about 19 before I realized that Ed Bradley on 60 Minutes is African American. I blurted this fact out to my family one Sunday evening, midbroadcast. A posted notice indicating legality or compliance is virtually useless. Have you ever seen those stamps in books that read: "if this book does not contain this stamp, it is an illegal copy" or the signs in elevators that say: "this sign must be posted in this elevator"? Who will notice if it's missing? White chickens = white eggs. Brown chickens = brown eggs....Who knew? tommy lee and tommy lee jones are definitely not the same person... that one took me a while Archimedes said: Give me a lever and a place to stand, and I shall move the earth... I think he would break his lever if he did that.... fgdfgfdgdfg Men should shave their face in luke-warm water, and rinse in the same temperature. Rinsing in cold water makes your pores close up, and the nutrients in your aftershave lotion can't work its way into your skin HTML does not stand for Hotmail, it means Hyper Text Markup Language. McDonalds has a hot mustard sauce that is used for dipping McNuggets. Ask for a few units of it next time you order the Double Cheeseburger and apply them to the cheeseburger liberally. Delicious. Take any extra packets home, put them in the refridgerator - they are EXCELLENT for use with sushi. When you know you'll need to back up, it's a good idea to check and memorize the stuff beside and behind the car, since some may be lower than what you can see when you are seated inside the car. If you don't someday you may have an expensive wake up event. if photographing bands and you're not sure you will remember the lineup later, take a picture of something the band is selling on their merch table right before all the photos for each band. alot easier and quicker than writing it down. I demand a collection of these! The band name INXS is a play on the phrase "in excess" I learned that a good way to meet strangers at parties is to bring a lighter and a keychain bottle opener. Chances are a few people will need these things but not have them available. I learned that after a while, all the reasons you started smoking disappear and all you have is an addiction. Lastly, I learned that the cure to my lonliness was to get a mobile phone. Windows Tips: Windows+M minimizes all windows (similar to Windows+D but less powerful) and Ctrl+Shift+Esc brings up Windows Task Manager. To quickly log off most Windows XP machines, press the Windows key then U twice. Do not press Windows and U at the same time, this brings up Utility Manager. Going along with the trend doesn't make you cool; bucking it does. When doing physics problems always check units; they never lie, and generally make sense Listen very carefully to the words a person says, the conversations they initiate, participate in, and avoid. Put your alarm a distance away from your bed such that you have to get up to turn it off. You can't run from problems. Always remember your family. A cheeseburger at McDonalds is $0.99 - for $0.01 more you can get a double cheeseburger. I have figured out that the "Things I Figured Out" web page is never updated. It is tiresome checking a page that is never updated. It makes me want to delete my bookmark. I could never remember what the word "Quixotic" meant until one day I said, "You know, that word looks a lot like Quixote, as in Don Quixote, the guy who fought windmills." And then the clouds parted and I saw the light. Airlines teach flight attendants how to pack a bomb on the plane so it'll do the least amount of structure damage, right in front of the very back passenger-side (right) door, allowing it (hopefully) to glide down the earth. You know, just incase they find one on board. The also teach them how to tell if there is a motion sensor on it (so it can’t be picked up) and how to move it. Also, the wings on planes are sturdy enough to walk on but flexible enough to bend almost straight up in the air without detaching. The white freezies are cream soda flavoured "Pattison" is the name of a bilboard company, NOT a street that is in every city. (this might just be a Canada thing) "Embarazada" does not mean embarrassed in Spanish. It means pregnant. I learned this during an embarrassing conversation. NEVER FRY BACON WHILE NAKED this should be common sense, but you never know when you'll want a BLT. the middle of the night in nothing but your birthday suit is never a good idea to whip out a frying pan, especially not for bacon. Coconut pie is NOT comprised soley of shredded coconut and a pie shell. Trying to bake one in this manner will result in great disappointment. Coconut pie is NOT comprised soley of shredded coconut and a pie shell. Trying to bake one in this manner will result in great disappointment. This isn't my saying but it's so true -- It's often easier to get forgiveness than permission. No cat in the world can resist being scratched right behind their ears. Also, a cat who wags its tail is pissed off and generally not in the mood to be bothered. (Pet!) snakes like to curl up behind your hair and around your wrist and such because people are warm. They're not cuddly because they like you, they're cuddly because ou're like a big electric blanket. Check out this article about John H. Conway: I especially liked the very last part about pennies. http://www.users.cloud9.net/~cgseife/conway.html --Jon in Durham, NC If you hold fishing line under a lighter, it will harden and expand slightly. This is handy if you can't make a knot. You can cook stuff just by simmering it in canned stewed tomatoes. Pasta and veggies are quite tasty this way, and need only one pot and no draining. Simmer lots of diced veggies in tomatoes + 1 cup water for 50 minutes, add pasta, simmer 10 minutes, eat. Makes several servings. For a complete meal add browned ground beef after. Italian seasoning goes with it. "Chili Sauce" and "Enchilada Sauce" are the same thing. There is nothing special about "refried beans". Mash up canned pinto and/or kidney beans and you get refried beans. Aaron Carter has a twin sister. Who knew? If you're mailing books, CDs, video games, or DVDs through USPS and delivery time isn't an issue, opt for Media Mail shipping. It will be much, much cheaper than parcel or priority. What I've figured out: This site is awsome! The below statement is false. The above statement is true. My Dad, Rob Looker, told me that when you tie the handles of supermarket bags together, instead of stopping with a single crossover (the first part of the tying process) you can do a second. Then you don't have to do the second part of the knot (turning back and tying again). The plastic loops don't slip and come undone, like string might. my god. we all *do* have that moment where we stop right in the middle of the path, go"....(sudden realisation)...* and then feel like an idiot. Whoo! We're all the same. Paula. my god. we all *do* have that moment where we stop right in the middle of the path, go"....(sudden realisation)...* and then feel like an idiot. Whoo! We're all the same. Paula. The Toto song "Rosanna" and the Peter Gabriel song "In Your Eyes" are both about actress Rosanna Arquette - she must be quite a lady! Taco Bell uses many "spices" used to mask the flavor of tainted "meat." Colo-Rectal Surgery is a Bummer. Barney Rubble on the Flintstones, was voiced by the same guy that voiced Bugs Bunny. (Mel Blanc) If you have an electric lawnmower, naturally you'll have to make an effort not to run over its power cord while mowing. At some point you'll end up doing it anyway and then you'll realize that the cord lies too low to the ground to be harmed by the blades. Do not assume that it is safe to run over the cord after this. Two feet of floodwater is enough to make your car float. When you buy a new album, do not remove from the case the little stickers what say stuff like, "Featuring the number one hit: 'Staring Directly into the Sun'" or "Grammy nominated." No matter how early it is/how hungover you are, never...NEVER make easy mac in a metal bowl. If you have a friend who speaks german, make them speak german as much as possible. It never loses it's novelty. Don't chew too much gum. The chemicals in large amounts seem to have a bad effect on the tongue and the taste buds. (I've cried from the pain in my tongue from too much Big Red) When playing with a band, always remember that communication is the most important aspect of music making. Don't step on your bandmates toes. Always be humble and wiling to learn. When looking at someones face almost always smile. But don't overdo it. Nothing good ever happens under an overpass. I discovered tht it's no use keep writing things in here because you are not putting any more on The curlicue-ish first character in the gold writing at the beginning of Disney movies is a D. See, because the writing says "Disney". For years I didn't know what the hell that was supposed to be. Possibly a 2? If you have to go to the jail to get married, you're looking for trouble. never try to drink even water while lying down if the enemy is in range, so are you the most dangerous thing on a battlefield is an officer with a map If you suffer from allergies to pollen; or, heck, even if not -- you should use local honey. That is, when you're buying honey at a store, look for one that was made locally (not a national brand) or even look up a local bee-farm and see if they have a shop (they will). Local honey means local bees which get their pollen from local plants and flowers. By eating the local honey, you're ostensibly eating the pollen from nearby plants. This will help prevent allergic reactions from forming (sort of like how taking a controlled infection of the flu will keep you from getting the flu later). Also, local honey is usually hand-prepared and will taste a LOT better than factory honey like from the teddy bear shaped bottle, no matter how cute he may be. IHOP, International House of Pancakes. Realized that about two years ago. (Age 18) "never tell a girl she's fat; always results in crying, or violence" I tell my girlfriend she is fat all the time, and she loves it. No crying or violence at all. Anything can be free on the internet if you have the time for it. i found that whenever i go to the motor vechile department, I send less time there overall, if i show up as close to closing as possible.Once they stop letting people getting in line, They work faster because they want to go home and no new people can arrive. Working faster before then gains them nothing. As long as you can establish yourself early on as a reliable source of information, you can tell anyone anything. I easily convinced a girl in my 8th grade science class that the Earth was the center of the solar system. She wrote that down on the final. All I had to do was be right every other time someone asked me a question. Don't use a knife to spread jelly or jam. Scoop it out with a spoon and then spread with the back of it. OK I didn't figure this out my friend told me. Eating large amounts of Fruity Pebbles in one day, will make for technicolor bathroom time later. In the song: "I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates, you've got a brand new key" they are not really talking about rollerskating. The human mind is almost infinitely complex. More so than anyone could possibly understand. Also I realized when I was around 12 that the bible repeatedly contradicts itself and makes absolutely no sense. Christianity in my opinion is like a disease. It may sound crueal and harsh but its true. huh If you have a nosebleed, take off one of your shoes and have someone lift the foot and smack the heel a few times. Sounds odd, but it actually worked for me. Try it sometime. Everthing matters, nothings too small, life is but a journey to discover them all!