On Monday, August 23rd, 2004, I asked Cockeyed.com readers to fill out a short questionnaire. 

The first question was "What brand of shoes are you wearing?", the second was "What product or service do you feel should be provided for free, but is not?", and the third was " What question do people always ask when they learn of your occupation?"

The answers to these three questions may help give you a more accurate image of your fellow cockeyed.com reader.  I hope you enjoy the answers.

Name What brand of shoes are you wearing? What product or service do you feel should be provided for free, but is not? What question do people always ask when they learn of your occupation?
Mike Weaver Dr. Martin Beer. Wow, so I guess you're smart, huh? (I'm a chemical engineer. No, I'm not all that bright.)
Derek Engelking target getting the newpaper in the morning! are you a phlebotomist?
Glen K. Amo no shoes inside Psychological counseling / meds When the hell are you going to get a real job? HUH??? I don't pay my taxes just so you can ... blah blah blah.
Matt Hall Converse Tacos. Is that the place with the weird bathroom windows?
Chris Ostrander Concerse I believe that Prostitution should be legalized, and made free, so all young nerds will have a hot date for the Prom. Do you guys sell those $5.55 Hot n' ready Pizzas?
Eleanor Roberts Timberland Birth control Do you experiment on people?
Kevin Wilson DC's Internet Access I teach karate and I'm a 3rd degree black belt when I tell people they always ask "Really? Are you serious?"
Greg  Bostonians Bridges and Tunnels What do you do exactly?
sam lewis doc martin massages at work what's that?
Geoffrey Litwack Miu Miu. Wireless internet access. What else do you do?
Daniel Baker Lugz Lap Dances "Oh, that's interesting" (Office Clerk)
michelle boxall I'm barefoot Petrol What restaurant do you work at?
Chris  Doc Martens I feel just about everything should be free, from Electric and gas to medical care. I especially feel this way when I have to pay fo it. Unfortunately, none of this stuff is free. I have boring, low profile jobs. People usually follow my lead when I change the subject.
Andres Rosales Nike food How boring is it?
scott  bass worldwide mobile phone service doesn't it bother you seeing all those dead people?
Jenni Sullivan Harley Davidson I think that gasoline should be free. What a better world this would be. It would also cut back on ridiculous conversations about how expensive gas is. Shredding?? Like Enron??
Jeff Sisson Swedish Clogs Carbonated beverages. It really can't cost that much can it? Do you ever get free stuff at the thrift store?
Jess Takken Windriver Office masseuse Does it pay well?
Jason McDaniel Sketchers Floss (I do not understand why 100m of "string" costs 4 dollars). Why is customer service so atrocious there?
Daniel Waters Danner The internet, of course! Can you fix my computer? (The answer is no, but I'll be happy to look at your radar.)
Joseph Johnson Sketchers Nothing really comes to mind as being "should be free". But I think a lot of things are overpriced like phone service, movie theaters, water...lots of things. Thats not really what you went to school for, is it?
Andy  Vans Car Repair. My blender has a lifetime warranty, why not my car ? How did you manage that?
Kate Alcock Converse personal hygiene products Really?!
Brandon  Airwalk Sandals Crossing certain bridges in our state. Don't we already pay enough in taxes to cross the bay bridge? Thats alot of money if you are a commuter. I used to have to cross the the benecia bridge everyday... that was $2 a day!!!!!!!!!! Is that like a male secretary?
Rachel Beck Transit Grocery cart use - okay, so technically it's free, but to unhook the cart from the line of carts, you have to deposit a quarter. WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE A QUARTER? Do they expect me to try to carry an entire cart's worth of groceries in my ARMS? Last time I did that, I knocked over 3 displays and dropped a jar of pickles in the dairy food aisle. Don't you have a degree?
Joe Carney Rockports Basic Cable -
Holly Drumm Walmart Sandals I am a big advocate for older child adoption, and I believe that kids coming out of foster care should have free counseling, to help them with the transition. WHY IN THE WORLD do you need to be a stay-at-home mom to two teenagers?
Becky  GAMA S Health care/health insurance. I'm so glad Michael Moore is tackling HMOs in his next film. Me: "I work in the marketing department at a company in Carpinteria." Them: "What's Carpinteria?"
richard vining merrill nothing - viva capitalism can you fix my computer?
Patrick GBX Parking should almost always be free. Is that how they make those?
Valerie Ledbetter Converse Local free phone calls from hotel rooms. Christ! And that means you do what, exactly?
Alan  Barefoot Health Care Don't you get depressed from listening to people's problems all of the time?
David Merrill Bacon When do you get any sleep?
David Wieczorek ES Education and Healthcare (Nothing is really free but the top two should be covered by taxes.) Well I am a college student so they always ask "What are you studying?" I say physics. They usually then say "Sorry." and "What do you want to do with that?" I say "I don't know."
Eric Sedlmayer Sanuk sandals Compressed air at gas stations. I hate spending 50 cents to put air in my tires. Heh, webmaster... Are you like Spiderman??
Jennifer Friedman Ferregamo Gift Wrapping at every store that has gift giving items. Did you invest in Google?
Travis rice saucony! fruit trees in parks and come on, health care and babysitting. are you like, the person who picks the art?
Gary Robbins Old Navy Foot Massages Are you psychoanalyzing me Right Now?
Kevin Fletcher New balance Health care or beer...Either would be acceptable. Stereolithagraphy is what?
Joshua Wiltshire State Street Dry cleaning, but only for pants; shirts would still be charged for. This would entice more people to get their clothes dry cleaned with a sort of "2-for-1 sale" one suits. Do you make a lot of tips?
Murray  Nike Cable TV Do you know the winning numbers?
Josh Rybicki skechers Cable TV How do they kill the cow? Do they whack it with a hammer?????
Bob Erickson, c/o OTM Dr Scholls There should be an 800 number to call that tells you exactly what to wear, head-to-toes, for any event or activity you describe. Some variety could be encouraged, of course, but a basic outfit would be a good start so people (meaning ME) would never show up dressed too far out of whack for the particular event. Especially for functions at my kids schools. Really? Where did you go to school?
Paulin RICHARD Nike dunno, I'm not -that- communist. You like it that way? (I skipped 3 grades and I'm going to college next year)
sam mcallister N/A Popcorn and drinks at the movies. If not for free, it should be included in the price of the ticket. Oh really? So you're like the next Bill Gates?
Name What brand of shoes are you wearing? What product or service do you feel should be provided for free, but is not? What question do people always ask when they learn of your occupation?
elizabeth fleuvogs burritos like, real brains?
rick edwards reebok parking Can you make a living doing that?
Chuck Jones Merril Parking How do you pay the bills?
Joe ECCO Basic cable. So what is the mayor up to?
Chris Cook Rockport Parking Can you help me fix my computer?
James Berg Timberlands Airport luggage carts. So you're going to be a neurologist?
phillip kenyon vineyard hi- speed wireless internet will you fix my computer.
Mike Fischer Faded Glory Pizza delivery. The shop up the street has the gall to charge an additional dollar for delivery of their $12 pizza. Its a crime! I propose (solution du jour) a Consitutional ammendment to correct this blasphemy. Do you mean legal drugs or...
Matt Red Wing Medical Care What does a longshoreman do?
Matt Thompson Rockport Car washes. Don't know why, just always irks me that they cost like $10. Huh? or What's that? (I'm a theoretical chemistry grad student.)
Mick Sleeper Prospector Parking What's that mean?
Tom Birkenstock water Why?I'm a philosophy major.
bob mc nb sex advice and fish care tips what?
Brad Johnson Nike Home interweb access Oh, is that what you went to school for?
Raub Shapiro Dr. Martens healthcare People always ask about pornography when they find out I make short films.
James Caterpillar Mass transit So... you want to be a priest?
jason thorn Converse Any communication, phone, internet, post, everything you're getting paid how much?
Daniel Rockport All public documents should be available online in PFD format from the government agencies that hold those documents. Are lawyers a pain to work with?
Zach Maggio Diesel I think that when you are born, whatever state you are born is should provide your family with a foam finger adorned with that state's logo, and possibly the state motto. So, do you like, get to decide yourself who gets into Berkeley and who doesn't? Is that hard?
drew quinton converse internet what are you majoring in?
Tracy Rockport A 24 hour emergency Monty Pytho quote line! Oh, really?
Mike Bass When I moved and got a new telephone number, it cost extra to NOT have my number listed in the telephone book! What's up with that?! Where's your pocket protector? (I'm an electrical engineer)
bill diesel tech support for macromedia products do you work for yourself, or for a company?
Matt Grigsby Blue Reeboks Cable should be free, don't you think? In the old days, television signals were just beamed into your living room, and you only needed a tv set to capture them. Now I pay more for my cable service than I do my phone bill and car insurance. What's up with that? How did we end up paying like this? It's an outrage, I tell you. Do you like that sort of work? (I'm an analyst for Child Protective Services, and previously was an analyst for the welfare office).
Austin barefoot bottled water Where do you go to school? (student)
Andrew Mudd Pumas Higher education. That or healthcare. In lieu of those, I'd take pizza and beer. When I go to some websites, they show me lots of porn ads. How do I get rid of those?
Lisa cole haan bottled water i have a (fill in computer brand), but i don't know how to use it at all. can you teach me how to use it (for free)?
Sean Armstrong Doc Marten's I feel that there should be no charge for the photos that are taken of people on rollercoasters at theme parks. How should I go about replacing my bathtub?
Matt Bass Heroin, in kind of a Malthusian way. Have the heard the one about the lawyers and the sharks? - or - How can you represent criminals.
Mike avia broadband internet connections what exactly does an engineer do?
Ben Cocchiaro not applicable Highways Oh. How's that workin' out for ya?
Dave  None Health Care Do you glow in the dark?
Scott von Berg I'm barefoot! Health Care How many successes have you had?
Katie  None Basic food stuffs, like bread, water, milk and cheese And what exactly does that mean?
Ben Parmeter Addidas Wouldn't it be cool if sporting goods were free? Maybe that would spur people on to go out and exercise a bit. We could start a government subsidized sporting goods program. Perhaps we would also have more gold medalists in the olympics. Sounds like an excellent sustainable plan to me. Can you fix my computer? Or Do you work alot of hours? Or are you stuck in a cube all day?
Patrick  cheap mobile phone service So I guess you're pretty smart then, right?
Simon Wright Toe-socks Love "Oh man, I bet you have some funny stories." I do not have any funny stories.
Emily Quinn Human/barefoot Air. Oh wait, it is? Then I'd have to say pens. There should be free pens. I lose too many of them, so they should be free. They don't ask a question, they just give a weak smile and walk away slowly.
Jason Morgan Reebok Various mailers at the post office. If I want to send something media mail and I don't have my own mailer, I have to buy one of those overpriced ones. Is it hard? (No, I'm not porn star)
Daniel James Botrini. Healthcare. A software Pirate?
Devlyn  Chacos Automobile engine work. The manufacturers should have to pay for it! If I work at HP or Micron. And if I can fix their computer/printer/scanner/mac/life.
Matthew Carroll Asics Health care. I realize universal health care wouldn't be acually free of cost, but if you couldn't afford it and needed it, then it would free. So, in qualifying my statement, it should be free when you can't afford it. Yeah, so what exactly does that mean? (Environmental Engineering)
Jason J Brunet New Balance sex Do you need a website?
Tim None! Buffets What's your major?
William Robertson I'm barefoot Silly string. Really a basic human need. A need for string. String which is silly. So, what are you planning to do with your life?
Clint Deerson State Street Wireless Internet Access wow, is it as bad as i remember it?
Arnie Heitz barefoot Free soda at all eating establishments Do you make cars? (No, Hyundai also makes computer chips)
Gary Weingarden New Balance - How can I avoid probate?
Nathan Flesher Ferricelli Washing the dirt off of buildings. When are you going to be done?
Jonathan Goff socks Broadband Internet You're a bum?
A.  none right now Healthcare, (but I would settle for cable). They always say "that must be interesting...but do you like it?"
Jonathan Dolias Adidas WEll hookers of course, but honestly speaking I think gas should be free. Gas and hte gym. Gas, the gym and psychology for girls, especially that one messing with my head now Couldn't you do better?
Rich Doc Martens Basic Cable TV. (Tons of ads on it already, don't they basically pay for it?) Can you fix my credit card bill? (nope.)
Frank Birkenstock Anti-Virus Software, Anti-Spam Software, AIDS testing, Health Awareness Training Why do hackers write virus and other software?
Mark Inman Vans Healthcare for the poor or elderly. If you are looking for a more wacky answer/ not so serious I would say water. Ever notice there has been a steady and gradual disappearance of drinking fountains? Conspiracy? I can't really say for sure. Have you ever been kidnapped by a revolutionary army? or Have you ever accidentally run into a drug lab while doing business in the field?
Terry Bare Vasectomies You get paid for that?
Christopher Johnson Justin (boots) Healthcare. They ask me "Why?". My response: "I like to help people". (I'm a guidance counselor)
Greg Lauzon Doc Marten Medical care of course! And daycare for working stiffs. And alcohol. You get paid for that?
Alex Botti Red Wing Almost anything a bank charges a fee for now, but didn't 20 years ago. Can I ask you a question? A couple of months ago I had a virus on my computer and... (could be anything after that)
Josh Storlie Red Wing Boots Lawn Care So you are one of those guys that stand along side the road with those cameras on tripods, What do those camera-thingamijigs do???
Crystal Minson Converse Grocery shopping. Why do you want to do that with all the education cutbacks?
Darrin Campers European fast food ketchup packets. Isn't that boring?
Michael Graham I am not. Accepting paypal payments. I mean, what they hell! You accept a credit card once and you might as well close your account because there is no "downgrade" button. They are only screwing over the important people. Banana
Joe Allen Redwing I don't know what of what I think should be free, but I really hate things that are sold only on a subscription basis - wireless apps, TIVO, etc. I like to pay once and be done with it. I hate being nickel-and-dimed to my deathbed. Do you make porn? (Video Editor)(And the answer is no. Not yet anyway.)
Peter Breuch Timberland Shoe shines - especially on four-year-old Timberlands. Do you like it?
David Addidas Cable Television - why do we have to pay and watch commercials? Hey! My computer has been doing (insert problem relating to Microsoft/AOL/Stupidity here). What do you think it could be? Could you come take a look?
R.  Unlisted clean public restrooms Is your company publicly traded?
Dane Percy etnies hmmm..dental care/health care Can I buy you a drink?
David Sweeney Skechers A tasty, wholesome, minimally processed - possibly organic - complete nutrition bar (or butter), packaged like an energy bar (or butter), in which you can get 33.33% of your USRDA of vitamins, minerals, protein, carbs and fats. They could come in three packs, for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Do you go to all those places?
Scott Kafarski Hush Puppies Grief counselors should give out Pixie Stix. You're an engineer? Can you look at my basement?
Jennifer  Converse. Antihistamines. I'm either broke or I'm sneezing all over you. Neither is a nice end product of my overactive immune system. When I tell them I study physical or biological anthropology, for some reason they always ask me about dinosaurs.
Jim Smith Nike Masturbation why dont you have a job?
Seth  Converse Medical care So do you get to drive the floor buffer too?
Daniel  Adidas Headphones on airplanes. Seriously, do they have really have to milk us for $2 more? You actually want to do that?
York Tan Vans Internet Can you get me free tickets?
Jonathan Dove Converse online payment at the california dmv Oh, do you sing?
Jimmy Karoly K-Swiss Internet Access What are the burgers really made out of?
Karl Spurzem Birkenstock Internet, or cable tv. Probably cable tv. Where do you go to school?
Hayley Bessette None. Payphones. Sometimes people just need to make a call and it really isn't costing the phone company for you to make a few emergency calls and the bulk of their profit isn't from quarters I don't think. They are usually in shock and awe, it makes them nervous to be in my presence so there are very few questions.
marney mason I am barefoot. Health care. Wow! That must be fun!
Mike Imboden Converse Healthcare So what do you actually do?
SPC Eric Hebert Altama Boots Massages :-D Well, I'm in the US Army, so the normal question is, "Have you ever killed someone?"
Robin barefoot housing Must be nice being outside all the time, eh?
Alex Avia Sensual Massages Why don't you get a real job?
Sir Frankie Fishburn Salvation Army Money Laundering Wow, you must be really smart... Quick! What's 24 plus 13?
Dave Haflinger Refills at swanky restaurants. If McD can give me free refills on a $2.99 meal, why must "La Grenouille" charge me $1.75 for each 10 oz. glass of diet Pepsi, when my soup alone is eight bucks? You must be smart. Are you smart? (when I was a chemist)
Becky Nordmann Teva Lunch Do you like it?
Ryan Hunt Keen Hair cuts Did you have to pass a Dept of Homeland security clearance check?
Jared Pointer New Balance Trips to space. Do you really surf the internet for 8 hours a day?
Adam Hinton Vans Health-Care. Canada has it, why can't we? Oh, what do you do there? (I used to work at the Mercedez-Benz plant near me)
Conor McGee Adidas. Space-travel. Does it smell bad? (I'm a professional sewerage diver)
david carlton timberland pop-tart shining. why would anyone want shiny pop-tarts?
Nick Estes What shoes? Public transportation Can you fix my computer? The answer of course is NO, I AM NOT A 3*&3$*&!3* TECHNICIAN; unless I'm in an exceptionally good mood when I tell them my hourly rate instead so I can watch them faint.
Sean  Combat Boot Medical Care Does my computer have a virus?
Dan Finkle DVS Shoes The self-serve air pump at the gas station should be free. It's AIR! What is a 'sanitation engineering specialist?'... you mean 'garbage man?'
Bob Clarks Water should be free. So, what exactly does that mean?
Gary Bloomquist Frye Boots Curbside recycling. Can you look at my Grandma's violin? I think it's a Stradivarius.
Roland Simon Rockport Candy. Candy should be free. Why don't you get a real job?
Connor MacLeod New Balance Shoe Shining, Bus, Circus. You must hate your job, don't you?
Curtis Born Rides home from Campustown after bar hours. Why would you do that?
Steve Hunter Merrell Health care in the states They usually ask if I'm a geek.
Francis Skipper Franco Fortini High Speed Wirelss Internet What is chemical informatics and why would anyone want to do it?
Mark Puma Lunch Is that as boring as it sounds?
chris converse healthcare why?
Mark Jensen combat boots education, health care, or back rubs Can I be less interested?
Erik nunn bush public radio + tv w/o the guilt of pledge drives does that mean you get to drive the train?
Sean Gucci Parking So, all you do all day is draw pictures?
Marc Faded Glory Software upgrades "So, what do you do with that?" (I do computer graphics for a law review publisher)
Adrian Chuck Taylors The internet. Its just 'out there' ready for people to see it. But ISPs charge money to view what people put 'out there'. What's that like?
Justin Foust Old Navy stress free Massages during finals Wow, and how is that?
Chris Torok Walmart O_O Internet, because everyone should be able to learn for free are you serious?
Matt Bramanti Brassboot Real estate market information Can you appraise my house? I'm trying to sell it.
Jon Katz Globe sexual favors -
Victoria Rose Teva Water. Whoever heard of paying for water? People often remark to me, "Wow, you're already a junior in high school! Time flies, doesn't it?"
Martin Willis Monroe Puma Romas Wireless Internet Why?
Jason Lee K-Swiss - hey dont you get a job?
Bing Wolverines Water That must be exciting/interesting
Pete Hanwag Wireless internet, health care, and BEER. "Whats that?" Then I have to explain for 5 minutes.
Kelly O'Briant Speedo toilet paper Are you crazy?
Cameron Craig Polo phone service So, do you get to travel a lot?
Marcus  State Street Refreshing bottled water So you want to work for Disney?
Josh airwalk haircuts - I want to look good, but $15-20 is still way too much That's not hard. Why does your wrist really hurt? Or, "will you come take a look at my computer?" (I'm a web programmer)
Ethan Salter clarks a big giant glass of ice water at movie theatres with your pop corn. they always give me a tiny little cup with a miniscule amount of water in it; which, adds very little to the abatement of my thirst. did you film the car wreck last night?
Mike Daniels Columbia Weatherstripping Did you go to school for that?
Shane Etnies ramen oh, cool
Matt Whitson New Balance I think toll roads are the biggest outrage ever. We don't have them in the South, and everytime I travel to the North, I immediately become infuriated. Pay some taxes, people! Don't your arms get tired?
Kavon Daftari echo Love... it always costs something. Can you fix my computer.
sunny vans decent television channels when are you graduating?
Mike Kania Converse Credit reports. Can you help me fix this computer problem?
martin Converse music Do you read a lot?
Yul Kim New Balance Intelligent conversation. Oh, what are you studying?
Robert Buergi Skechers Parking Oh, so you do, like, patent stuff?
Aaron Savier Backrubs. Do you like it, or is it just boring as hell?
Megan Reigner Anarchy Dentistry Oh-so have you have found any famous people? Can you find my long lost friend who I haven't seen since second and grade and would probably not even remember me even though I think about them every day?! Can'ya??
Name What brand of shoes are you wearing? What product or service do you feel should be provided for free, but is not? What question do people always ask when they learn of your occupation?
Kyle LaMalfa Banana Joe's We urgently need a free college education service. So what else do you do?
David Flores DC no-frills funerals You must be everyone's friend
Christopher Boetticher Kenneth Cole Deep tissue massage Can you take a look at my PC sometime? I think I have a virus.
Jennifer Nine West Feminine protection products I'm a librarian. People always ask "why do you need a master's degree to do that?" I feel like smacking these idiots.
Paul Charette FlipFlop Lawyers Isn't that boring?
Megan Vans High-speed internet access. Or health insurance. Or both. Yeah, both. I'm a math tutor and when people find out they usually ask if I like math. I'm like 'duh...why would I have taken all available math classes at the community college if I hated it? I must be a glutton for punishment.'
Tom Wolcott adidas free air at gas stations have you been on letterman yet?
Bobb Pony Prescription medication for seniors (old people not students) Can I get a discount?
P Hughes socks beer what is an automated warehouse
Lech Kazmirski Military issued health care... do you fly airplanes? why aren't you in iraq? what languages do you work in?
Shad  Airwalks ATM transactions on any machine regardless of bank of origin. How do like it?
Josh Brown RJ Colt Internet :) So how hard is that, really?
Annie Poland puma tampons What school do you go to?
Chris  Adidas Trash What does that mean?
Diane Brandt Skechers College classes!! It's outrageous just to go to college to get a job you truly like. So, sometimes, I ask myself, is it going to worth it? Where does the products get shipped to?
Dennis Clinefelter Dansko Wireless access in Starbucks You do what?
Frank DeVecchis Chancellors I'd personally like a nation-wide, government sponsored concierge service. I've never experienced what it would be like to have my own concierge but I can't imagine it being anything but efficient and damn cool. I wanna' call my concierge from my desk at work and have them make dinner reservations or call ahead to the grocery store and order whatever it is I may need or pre-buy my movie tickets or whatever. The point is, I want someone to make my life as easy and hassle-free as humanly possible. "Concierge. Based on my prior choices, what movie do I feel like seeing tonight?" or "Concierge. What should I get my girlfriend for her birthday? Can you order that and get it giftwrapped?" I want someone to answer the questions I don't feel like looking up myself. I want someone to make my life a whole lot easier. Does that make me lazy? Yes, but man would it be sweet. How do you get that terrible smell off?
Thomas Coates Welsh Reebok Switch that question around, because people should have to pay for your awesome website. Seriously? Receiving phone calls. Paying for that is lame... Why don't you have a job yet?! I told you my best friend/aunt/second cousin had the hookups for you, but you didn't WANT to wash dishes for them...
Chris Bostonian Whiskey Oh, that must be fun? Which isn't a question, but they always inflect like it is.
Abby Schirmer Adidas Free transport to see the ones you love. James Madison College? I wish I went there....
Kevin Mann - - Can you get a DUI for riding a bicycle drunk?
Dan Cabacungan sketchers? My rent, which presently is the opposite of free--costly. What's brain consulting? (I'm a brand consultant)
Scott ReMine handmade rubber local phone calls Do you have lots of crazy stories?
Jennifer McClary Socks Sex, I don't think prostitutes should charge for their services. Do you wear a headset like Britany Spears?
Quinnifer Walston fuzzy slippers Most definitely telephone service- I'm talking cell,fax,landline, DSL; anything about communication. You really get paid for all that travel?
Elena ReMine New Balance internet access no really, what do you do?
Bachman Quach Wolverine I feel that ringtones and other items for your cell phone should be free. I mean come on, a dollar for a ringtone when I can get the actual song for a dollar as well? -
Ben Shatz Shaq Healthcare Wh-w-why? Why dammit, why?
Mike Sheard Converse Air Travel You must earn some money working with computers? Yeah right.
Phil Geer Dexter Everything but advice What on earth gets you out of bed in the morning?
Nate Addink Deer Stags TicketMaster What's that? / So what do you DO? / Uhhh.....
Ashley A. Rusk Bee Fly Dell Computer Notebooks. They're so dang expensive and every college student needs one--the government should just hand them out to graduating seniors along with applicable software. Encourages education...maybe...  
Eric Hortop Blundstones shuttles for bicyclists across no-bike roads So... you're going to teach math?
Brian Bennett Doc Martins Internet Access Oh, like for websites and stuff?
Amanda Adidas Internet Access How do you pronounce espresso?
Sarah Gerhardt Trax lobsters. definitely. So, you really make tires?!
David LeMieux Lakai stock photography Do you make commercials?
Andrew Wright None! Robot insurance. Isn't that boring?
Joe Engels Stacy Adams Teleportation Do you mean stock options? My dad has those. -- I work for an Options Exchange, which are options *on* stock. NOT STOCK OPTIONS.
Andrew Mullaly ecco newspaper Do you enjoy being an attorney? - a close second "Do you lie a lot?"
David Converse Water, bottled and tap. What's that? I am a courier.
daniel Blundstones Free "hard luck tales" should be told on every street corner to remind us that there is always someone worse off than we are.... wow, can you get me some free chocolate?
Gary Reef q-tips... if they were free we would be living in a cleaner, better hearing America. I'm a risk analyst at an insurance company, so people always ask me "Oh, kinda like that guy from Fight Club?"
ed mcbride airwalk i'm all about free coffee do you like it?
Jenne Bergstrom Dr. Marten's Parking. Why do you need a master's degree for that?
Kathryn Hutchison No shoes for me lap dances What's an oboe?
Jessica Hill Target brand government sponsored health care, of course! If I couldn't get that, then I'd pick birth control. And my third choice would be paperclips. I never have one when I need it, but I usually "borrow" mine from work. What magazine do you work for? When they find out I'm a web developer for a magazine, but it's nothing thrilling like Popular Science or Weekly World News. I work for a magazine called DM Review, all about managing data in databases.
Nick Spezio Sketchers Paypal transactions! Paypal automatically deducts a "percentage" of each auction that paid for by a Paypal account. (Paypal is owned by ebay, and I'm already paying for the auctions.) What school did you go to?" followed by... "Does that position pay well?
Spenser Tuneberg Converse I think maybe gasoline should be free due to the fact that in Alaska actually people because they have so much oil that they give every person 3000 dollars every year. Why knot instead just give everyperson free gas. Hmmmm...... Why?
Jesse Thomas Barton Skechers iPods! No, really, it would be nice to not have to pay water and sewage and garbage pickup. Heck, what about the electric bill? And with gas heat, winters are a bummer. I'll take anything I can get. "Don't you fix computers? I thought you were a computer guy."
Kimberly Ehrhardt God's-Barefoot Sex Doesn't that hurt?
Jasen Johns Teeva Postage... but only to a limited degree. Everyone should be alotted five free personal letters a month, just to keep folks writing to one another. I know it's anachronistic, but e-mail just isn't as warming as opening the mail box to find friendly words waiting for ya. Hmmm. Maybe this is too topical. Why can't I cut down MY trees when and if I WANT to? Answer: Because tree ordinances are necessary to prevent Atlanta's air quality from declining any further than it already has.
Joshua Krell Birkenstock teh intarweb I am a student at Colrado School of Mines (www.mines.edu), so I am always asked if I why I chose mining as a carrer.
Daniel Vore Asics internet or Phone... how old are you?
Katie Barefooted! Broadband internet connections. The internet has such a wealth of knowledge (and awesome sites like cockeyed.com!) but dial up the not-$40-a-month alternative, and painfully slow, so those people can't research things like the economy, so they pick the presidential candidate with the BAD economic plan and so the whole country falls apart because there isn't free broadband for everyone! ..ohyeah... free clean water and electricity and food and junk would be cool for free, too. "A viola.. you mean a violin, right?" or, if I'm walking with my viola in hand, "play me a hoedown, on that there fiddle, little girl!" *sigh* the viola student gets no respect.
Name What brand of shoes are you wearing? What product or service do you feel should be provided for free, but is not? What question do people always ask when they learn of your occupation?
Bill Koch Not wearing any Internet access Do you like it?
Sam Hall Sketchers internet Why did you leave California to go to school in Wisconsin??
Manson L. Cheung Nike Internet/Cell phone Do you play with toys all day?
Lara Sketchers Using the postal service website to forward your snail mail. They charge $1.00 for doing it online! It's free if you go into If I can get someone a free wireless phone.
Robert calvin nike the mail are intrest rates going to go up?
Pat Lewis None Public transportation. Should I have given a funny answer instead? You're an artist? For who?
Alvaro Salkeld Airwalk ripoffs Personally, I've always felt the drinks at restaurants should be free... but I guess I'm just a cheapskate. So, uh, what the hell do you do again?
Lauren Doc Martins Part 1 of my solution to teen pregnancy/overpopulation: Instead of Barbies... little girls should be given ugly, little 9lb dolls that squall, poop, and spit-up for 12 random hrs a day; complete with a homing device so it can't be left behind. Wow! Do you get to hang with the band?
Jacob Aldridge Windsor Smith Public Transport Is that like I.T. and computers and stuff? (No, it has nothing to do with IT, I AM A WRITER!!)
Noah Lopez Saucony public bidet how old are you, again?
Charles F. Frost Phys Sci Cab service for drunks. Are you one of those guys in the bunnysuits?
Laura Berg adidas Hmmmm....I'd say bottled water... What grade do you teach?
Jason G. Shanfield flip flops health care will you do legal work for me for free?
Kellie Robbins N/A (barefoot) Credit reports, without having to cancel a free trial within 30 days. N/A (currently unemployed). Before moving, as a Financial Consultant, no one found it interesting enough to ask any questions.
Nick Hartigan Puma Health Care... paid for by taxes. Does that count? Is it hot in the costume?
Nathan Schley Vans Online newspaper archives Do you regret going to community college?
Mike Vans Old School US Post Office What grade are you in?
Jonathan Baldwin Puma A wireless internet broadcast for everyone. why art?
Jeremy Hagan Doc Martens Neuticles Whats subrogation mean?
Aaron Vans Spectacle cleaning. How do you sleep at night?
John PF Flyers Internet They always smile politely and nod (I am still in high school, but want to be a mechanical engineer at MIT), but they act as if I have lobsters crawling out of my mouth.
Clinton N. Godlesky Nike Internet (As in everywhere) What are those?
Jake Swan Dunnit public transit. Are you, like, one of those bike couriers?
Ursela Hemman Socks! The internet. How can you sit staring at the computer all day and still love doing it?
Michael Jung Mizuno internet service What college are you planning on applying to?
Debra Millhollin Adidas Changing your mailing address online. It's so silly that if you go in and fill out paperwork for them to read through, it's free, but if you try to do it paperlessley online they want to charge you. The nerve! I work in a library, so I always get asked if I like to read. People, "like" doesn't begin to describe my obsessive need to have at *least* six books checked out at a time. I'm powerless to curb my obsession.
Andrew Stern Diesel Free GOVT hotdogs on the fourth of July. You must drink a LOT of coffee.
Duncan Bourne Simple Unsuccessful medical procedures Do you spend all day photographing models?
Chris Frioux Nu Balance Massages. I mean, come on...We'd be a much less tense society if we could just get a decent massage here and there. The government can not build one jet or one tank, and have more than enough money to support an army of massuses who can collectively relax this stressed and tense society. I'm a DJ at a radio station in Oklahoma City, so the I usually get asked one of two questions: "Is it fun?" or "How much money do you make?" And I'm here to tell you that it's not much...I'm a single male and I'm eligible for food stamps. That should tell you something.
H Mallett Vans Love Can you fix my computer?
Chris Miller medical cast Fire. It is the oldest invention, and still a very useful one, and it should be free to all humanity, as Prometheus willed it. I am not currently burdened by an occupation.
Greg D'Avis Nike Beer Who are you voting for this year?
Tony Mansour Nike Scalp massages Usually they are just silent.
Jason Eshleman Long's flip flo Medical care. OK, not free, but a portable, single payer system like the rest of the industrialized, service economy world enjoys would certainly be nice. Oh, like on CSI?
brent Born Air at a gas station when I check my tires and fill them up. It's usually 25 cents to turn on the compressor. I'm a network engineer. The first question I get is, "can you take a look at my computer, i have a problem"?
Lindsay Bacher I'm barefoot. Health care, but that's because I'm a dirty liberal. What are you majoring in?
Jonathan Craton Nike MMORPG's (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) What? You still don't have a job?!?
Sarah Long Clarks health insurance You've been in school for how long?
Brad Arl Red Chucks Prostitution. You're only a Freshman?
Robert Mast Chaco Collage Tuition What Grade Are You In?
Dominic Arenas Converse Ball washing. Why pediatrics? Are you a perv?
Tyler Hall Not wearing any ticketmaster Can you help fix my (computer/printer/other HP product)
Thomas Feeney Reebok - -
Laura Horon Chaco College! Ew, don't people's feet smell?
Kyle Torngren Bare(TM) Healthcare -
Aaron Barefoot Wireless internet ...can you tell me what that entails in less than half an hour?
Chris Rivera Vans Airplane rides, and mustache rides...wait, no, they should pay me more for the mustache rides. Wow, how do you survive?
Ryan Swift Ecco High speed internet access. So what exactly do you do?
Shawn Bliss Vans People who would clean up all the beer bottles and trash after your rad backyard punk rock BBQ, while you stay in bed sleeping it off. Aren't you kind of old to be a full-time student? You're like, 33 or something! OMG LOL WTF heheheh :) Then I punch 'em in the head and go back to flirting with 18 year-old coeds.
Ed Cook New Balance Internet access Do you get to handle lots of money?
ben Nike Cable do you like it?
Stephanie Hodgson Teva drinking water Which one are you, Vinnie or Guido?
Jonny's Wagon Wheel got sox on bus lines I am a cookl. It's always how do you ...,(fill in the space) or whats your recipie for...once again fill in the space).
Chad Matchett Skin Lasagne. All lasagne should be free. "Can you get me tickets to so and so?" (I'm a sports writer)
Tre Edmond Puma Transportation What do you do again?
Steven Flojos (sandals Health care. Ooooo, can you tell me anything about your job, or would you have to kill me?
Ryan Cavanaugh Merrell ATMs shouldn't charge me a fee. Seriously. Instead of a fee, I want it to play an upbeat song (like that one that goes "Workin at the car wash, workin at the car wash yea!") to get my spirits up in preperation for the cash I am about to receive. I believe Alan Greenspan (Ally-boy to his friends) would respond favorably and [raise | lower] interest rates accordingly. Do you really get free soda? Wow. Note that the same is true of Burger King employees but that doesn't impress anybody.
Ian none public transit. internet access. not necessarily together. What's cryptography?
Jim Dunn converse new glasses why the heck do you do that?
Ryan I'm bare foot Prostitution - 'course if it was free it wouldn't be prostitution would it? "Do you fly planes?" or "What type of plane do you fly?" (I'm in the Air Force)
Jonathan Behr converse Well... I've always wondered why there isn't a Bureau of Free Alcohol Distribution. I mean... really! Oh really... so are you still looking for a real job as well...?
Sally Symons - Diaper service Can you explain that again?
John Ward mechanix car maintinence........or more spelling services my car makes this noise...what do you think it is?
David Bayer None Bus Service / Public transportation Can you help me wire my garage/house/shed. (Electrical Engineer - not an electrician!)
David Cyr Doc Martens Free cold water, everywhere Kinda like interior design?
Devin Coombs Nike Water Can you bless my family?
Steve McKinney Just socks now. None. Why are you telling me this?
Chris Zeliff None Curbside Recycling Questions on fixing their computer or:
Cameron barefoot Basic phone service Why'd NPR fire Bob Edwards!?
Randy Caterpillar music/culture And your wife doesn't mind?
Mike Lofgren Vans Cable TV Did you give me the winning lotto ticket?
Glenn Wolfe Dickies Beer Do you know anything Top Secret ?
Karl Buter Doc Martens Routine Car Matinence There is an Elk Ranch in Ludington?
Skyler Willett Vans Any and all products that I want. Oh jeez... why?
Nicholas Burman none currently liquor They put you in a classroom!?!?
Steve Ward Vans Breath mints. If they were free, the world would be a much fresher place. "How can you stand staying up all night? Don't you get tired?" I do the night audit at a hotel.
Rob Ghent Wal-Mart shoes College How do you stay awake?
Ian Neukuckatz DC The Internet are they dead?
Fauna Yarza Chuck Taylors I think that water should be free. It is a necessity. I don't get many questions seeing as I am a student.
Stephen Corral Adidas Music that is available on demand and without commercial interuption. Standard Response to after telling people I'm a graduate student in sociology: What are you going to do with that [degree]?
Kevin Donnelly Nike Oil changes and chopstick seperation Does that hurt?
mary and adam doc martens emergency medical services did you ride the "short bus"?
David New Balance Broadband internet "What are you majoring in?" (college student)
David Killoren New Balance Nothing even is, much less should be, free. But my answer is "internet access." Isn't that illegal?
Heather Hamilton Report Utilities - heat, water, electricity Wow, are you really that smart?
Name What brand of shoes are you wearing? What product or service do you feel should be provided for free, but is not? What question do people always ask when they learn of your occupation?

My thanks to everyone who took part in the survey. I'd like to do a few more of these, once I get a nice system figured out.

A chart illustrating the shoe numbers. A chart illustrating the free things.

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