What Inane Thing did your Spouse Buy?

At a recent dinner party with friends, a hilarious, yet touchy item came up. It was the subject of surprising things that people's husbands have bought.

I love these.

I'm in a pretty good position when it comes to this topic: I make a website that depends on a certain influx of idiotic items, so I'm generally excused from criticism in this area. I mean, sure, I bought a custom made window screen for a window that didn't exist, but then I sold it on ebay.


A Set of Identical Cardboard Boxes
Perhaps my biggest waste of money in recent years was $45 for a bunch of identical cardboard boxes for use in the "testing insulation" episode of the Cockeyed.com Science Club.


The Kirby Vacuum Cleaner
My old favorite for "worst purchase by a husband" is a Kirby vacuum cleaner. They are built like chrome tanks, weigh as much and are only slightly less expensive.

Kirbys are sold by door-to-door salesmen, so if your husband buys one, it can result in perpetual fear of salesmen coming to your door while you are away. Don't buy a Kirby vacuum cleaner unless you and your spouse really want the same vacuum for the next 25 years. And then, buy it on ebay.


Every Exercise Device Sold on Television
The guilty party will remain nameless, but I know someone who was discovered to have purchased every exercise device sold on television. One whole room was devoted to his thrice-used bowflex, glute blaster, cardio twister and many more.



Product: A Jet Ski   One jet ski. How is our family going to enjoy one solitary jet ski? Is he going to race this thing on weekends?

The Netherlands
Tuesday 08th of December 2009 1:18 am

Product: A Pickup Truck   ...without telling me he was even thinking about getting a new car.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 2:58 am

Product: Sham Wow   My amazing wife bought it for me for my birthday. Loved the comercial. Liked the product. Treasured the box with Vince's picture on it.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 4:08 am

Product: Christmas china, glassware, and flatware   She somehow thought we needed a whole NEW set of china for use in the winter months, so now come December she puts away our plates, bowls, serving dishes, glasses, forks, knives, and spoons, and hauls out her winter-themed plates, bowls, serving dishes, glasses, forks, knives, and spoons. Not to mention the tablecloth, placemats, etc., etc... *sigh*

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 4:23 am

Product: HP Mini   A netbook! Seriously, I'm the web developer and I have been wanting one of those for the longest time. She got one for herself. Oh well.

United States
Tuesday 08th of December 2009 5:33 am

Product: Flashing Dragon   My previous girlfriend purchased me a Dashboard mounter flashing dragon statuette with light up LED action. I promptly got rid of the dragon aspect and mounted the LED's in my glove box as a light source.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 5:53 am

Product: An ocarina   I bought my self an ocarina, my wife got reeaaally upset! And she won't let me play it, she thinks its crazy.

Solomon Islands
Tuesday 08th of December 2009 7:14 am

Product: a used Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator   We've had it since May. He's used it once to make jerky. It tasted like soap.

United States
Tuesday 08th of December 2009 7:55 am

Product: I bought my wife an Engagement Ring back when we were dating.   Worst. Purchase. Ever.

United States
Tuesday 08th of December 2009 9:08 am

Product: My wife bought a second, then a third piano   I think she wanted me to be a piano mover in my spare time.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 9:49 am

Product: Kirby, and then another   She bought the first when I was working nights, surprise honey, here's a decent vacuum for an outrageous price. Then 2 years later she traded that one in for another when my shiftless brother was selling them.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 10:18 am

Product: A pair of women's slippers.   My wife bought me some slippers. Women's slippers. For me.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 10:43 am

Product: A sewing machine   My wife has no real hobbies. I have always encouraged her to take up something so I don't feel guilty about spending time on my numerous hobbies. So when she expressed an interest in doing some sewing, I immediately went out and did some research on sewing machines. We ended up buying her a basic, but still pricey, Bernina. I think she's used it twice.

Vatican City
Tuesday 08th of December 2009 11:00 am

Product: A Pistol-Grip Shotgun   Why? I have no idea. It was out of nowhere. Maybe he wants to pretend to be Terminator or something.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 11:22 am

Product: Brown luggage from the 1970's, this was in 2004  

United States
Tuesday 08th of December 2009 11:42 am

Product: Sword cane   My boyfriend bought himself a cane with a handle that pulls out of the base with a ten-inch blade, but honestly I always thought that was pretty awesome.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 12:48 pm

Product: Segway   My wife was skeptical when I bought a Segway. I've ridden it to work almost every day for 4 years now so she no longer thinks it'll end up covered in dust in a closet. I recently brought up the idea of selling it and she got upset. Now, if I can just make her feel the same way about my 450 Watt guitar amp. . .

United States
Tuesday 08th of December 2009 1:04 pm

Product: I bought a 27 foot teepee   She has been supportive, but I only put it up on rare occasions. I know this is about stuff your spouse buys, but let's be serious here...I am the spouse who buys the crazy things (I own every instrument for a mariachi band, but only play the guitar). the teepee rules though!!

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 1:20 pm

Product: a flute staff.   Three years ago, I bought a six-foot long bamboo flute staff, like the one David Carradine (RIP) used in Kung Fu. It's currently residing in my closet, as I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE *^&%$#% FLUTE.

Tuesday 08th of December 2009 9:10 pm

Product: Paintball equipment   He goes ONE TIME, has fun, and magically becomes the #1 consumer of paintball equipment?

Wednesday 09th of December 2009 1:09 am

Product: Cheesy mirrored "painting" that makes "wave" sounds   It's supposed to be soothing and relaxing, but the light is too bright, and every few seconds it makes this "seagull" sound that's just downright f***ing annoying!

United States
Wednesday 09th of December 2009 11:01 am

Product: RC Airplane   He flew it once - at night, against my advise - and crashed it. We spent more money trying to repair the wings and propeller, but it was never the same...he finally threw it out after about a year of dust collection

Wednesday 09th of December 2009 11:17 am

Product: Replica of Krull glaive   My husband bought, commissioned actually, a replica of the glaive from the movie Krull. Yes it is cool, but it was expensive. However, price and prop replica wouldn't be so ridiculous if he didn't now refuse/procrastinate for five years to get a shadow box custom made to display it in. It's sitting in his closet!

United States
Wednesday 09th of December 2009 11:26 am

Product: a bowling ball   used. with someone else's name on it. neither of us bowl.

United States
Wednesday 09th of December 2009 12:02 pm

Product: Rowenta Iron   My iron died. I told my mom I could use a new iron. I was quite surprised when I opened the gift and found a Rowenta iron (they hare expensive). I wasn't expecting that! Well, when I got home and opened the box I noticed that there was some staining on the bottom of the iron. I think my mom bought a new one for herself and wrapped up her old one for me.

Wednesday 09th of December 2009 3:04 pm

Product: A race car   He traded our perfectly useful Volvo for a race car. He wasn't a race car driver. The first time he drove it, it caught on fire. ugh

United States
Wednesday 09th of December 2009 3:37 pm

Product: electronic keyboard   He shows up one day with a keyboard- he doesn't play, but he'll learn. It sat behind the couch for 2 years. I gave it to the Goodwill after he moved out.

United States
Wednesday 09th of December 2009 4:40 pm

Product: 9/11 conspiracy   My wife actually bought into the whole 9/11 conspiracy theory. I asked her how she could buy such an inane thing and she started spouting off words like "controlled demolition" and "windowless planes". I had to leave her shortly after that.

United States
Wednesday 09th of December 2009 5:16 pm

Product: An election   It's true, or my name isn't Laura Bush!

United States
Thursday 10th of December 2009 12:08 am

Product: 3 barca loungers   My husband did need a recliner - but then he found a guy selling 30 matching barca loungers on Craigslist. The guy had a ministry that failed and was liquidating his stuff. You'd think a ministry with barca loungers instead of pews would do well.... regardless, we didn't need three of them!

Thursday 10th of December 2009 9:33 am

Product: Pottery barn candle vase   My woman was in this mood where she felt the need to hint to me that she wanted me to buy her something by commenting how much she liked just about everything we saw. I was getting so tired of it that I decided to buy the most tacky and ugly thing she commented on, which was this mosaic candle jar. When I started buying it she quickly changed her mind and started hinting not to buy it.

Thursday 10th of December 2009 12:20 pm

Product: A bra 7 sizes too big.   I don't have a spouse, but if I did, this is what the idiot would have bought for me. What a dumbass!

Thursday 10th of December 2009 9:35 pm

Product: A one month advertisement on the Cockeyed.com front page...   ...and I didn't have anything to advertise. The first 2/3 of the month I devoted to promoting diabetes awareness and the last 1/3 of the month I devoted to promoting awareness in general.

Thursday 10th of December 2009 11:19 pm

Product: Nothing : .. (   I don't have a husband

Friday 11th of December 2009 1:35 am

Product: cockeyed calendar   Idiot bought this tacky calendar with a lot of names of people we don't know for over $15, when he could have got a nice one for a dollar, or even one for free...

Friday 11th of December 2009 4:11 am

Product: Electronic Violin   Wife expressed an interest in learning to play violin. I bought her an electronic one on eBay a few years back. I don't think she's so much as held it in her hands since it was delivered.

United States
Friday 11th of December 2009 4:34 am

Product: Kunta Kinte   What, we need a permanent busboy that's always running off? I put him on eBoy, and he got snapped up by some semi-crazed pirate looking dude...

Saturday 12th of December 2009 2:11 am

Product: 'Portable' disc golf target   dragged it to the beach, used it once (there was too much wind)and now it lives on the porch.

Antigua & Barbuda
Saturday 12th of December 2009 9:28 am

Product: A bottle of whiskey   I cherished it for a day, and then drank it.

Saturday 12th of December 2009 10:44 am

Product: Things on clearance. . .   He can't resist a good clearance sale. He bought a tie for an outdoor dog: We have no dog, nor plans of ever getting one, nor do we know anyone who would need it. He bought about eight sets of twin bedsheets: We have no twin beds, nor plans of ever getting any. He bought about 20 cans of car spray paint in shades that do not remotely match our cars. At least it was all cheap. . .

Saturday 12th of December 2009 2:47 pm

Product: Every friggin' thing my dad buys   Ok, he's not my spouse, but he is a spouse, and a husband at that. My dad gets a new hobby every 12-24 months, and every time he buys a massive load of kit to go with it. My parents' basement is crammed with exercise equipment, photographic gear, bicycles, unread books, fishing rods, old electronics, and god knows what all, most of which has gone unused for ages.

Saturday 12th of December 2009 5:36 pm

Product: Product   Comment

United States
Sunday 13th of December 2009 12:07 am

Product: Browning 1919A4   It was a pre-wedding gift to myself since I knew I wasn't gonna get anything really cool from the wedding.

United States
Sunday 13th of December 2009 12:09 am

Product: anything that comes in 'special edition' box   even if we own the dvd/ music etc but not in special edition bl00dy box set. so many heavy wooden boxes everywhere!

Sunday 13th of December 2009 5:53 pm

Product: Cat Collars   I woke my hubby up on a recent Saturday and the first thing he said was that he wanted to buy Christmas collars with bells on them for both our cats. I told him the sound would just annoy us and the cats. It'll be cute for a few hours and then we'll just take them off. A waste of $15. I guess it was win-win because he got the collars but I ended up being right.

New Zealand
Monday 14th of December 2009 7:58 am

Product: Bagpipes   One summer when we lived by the college, the kids down the street were having a party and had someone playing the bagpipes. I said out loud "That's pretty cool". Next Christmas, what did I get? Yes. Bagpipes.... They're still in the closet, but she isn't.....

Monday 14th of December 2009 5:24 pm

Product: A zero degree sleeping bag   When my wife and I were still dating, I bought her a zero degree sleeping bag. She was expecting an engagement ring and I got her the sleeping bag instead. She eventually got the ring, it only took me a few extra months to save up for it. She still has both. A fine investment on my part.

Tuesday 15th of December 2009 7:55 am

Product: Vodka in an AK-47 Shaped Bottle   I bought this really cool vodka set that came in an old style ammo case. It is a AK-47 shaped bottle filled with (Red Army) vodka complete with shot glasses. The perfect Christmas gift. Well, neither of us or anyone we know drinks vodka. It is too akward and fragile to display. It sits in the box with a trigger lock under a disused cabinet.

Wednesday 16th of December 2009 5:44 am

Product: Airplane kit.   He bought an airplane to build. He does not fly planes. He bought three houses in a state we do not live in. He buys junk all the time and if you suggest getting rid of anything he flips!

United States
Thursday 17th of December 2009 11:46 pm

Product: 2 lb container of Baking Powder from Sam's Club   When he took the Baking Powder back to Sam's, the customer service agent asked for his reason for the return. He said, "My wife thinks it is too big." The agent said, "Yeah. We get that a lot."

Friday 18th of December 2009 4:49 pm

Product: stretch mark cream   for Valentine's Day! It sounds heartless, but I had just had our first baby, and he knew I was self-conscious about my stretch marks. When he got off of work (night shift) at 6 am, the grocery store was the only place open. So he got me flowers and stretch mark cream. Poor man was very sleep-deprived. Fortunately, I received it with good humor.

United States
Friday 18th of December 2009 7:41 pm

Product: Countertop Fountain   My fiancee bought one of those hideous miniature electric fountains, with an angel pouring water into a well. So tacky! Plus it was used, PLUS the motor was broken and it was super loud. I stashed it in the back of our storage closet.

United States
Wednesday 23rd of December 2009 8:32 pm

Product: Socks and underwear   Every birthday and every anniversary...I get...Socks and underwear. The ones I have still work just fine!

Sunday 27th of December 2009 1:36 pm

Product: Electric Rice Steamer   I don't eat rice. I do eat a lot of whole wheat couscous which I make in the microwave by heating for a few min. and then letting it sit for five min....but I don't eat rice...and even if I did I don't think I'd need a giant machine to sit on the countertop to cook it with. He was so close yet so far off with this one. It's still in the box and I've had if since 10/08.

United States
Tuesday 29th of December 2009 9:36 am

Product: potholders   Really? pot holders? In my Christmas stocking. And then he gave me a set of spare keys to our truck in a JEWELRY BOX. I thought I was getting earrings.

United States
Sunday 03rd of January 2010 3:05 pm

Product: surf board   he bought a surf board even though we live miles from the sea now it just sits in the spare room

Sunday 03rd of January 2010 3:12 pm

Product: Waffle iron   A waffle iron, when I'd asked for heated curlers. I guess I can waffle my hair. My Hubble's very sweet, though. He really bought it thinking of making me waffles for breakfast in bed. And he does this. So I love him :)

Sunday 03rd of January 2010 7:19 pm

Product: Teddy Bears/ Stuff Animals   Why do guys buy teddy bears?....What are we going to do with them. They just collect dust on display.

Monday 04th of January 2010 10:43 am

Product: Light bulbs   Compact fluorescents. LEDs. He's on an energy saving kick, which is admirable, but we already have more fracking light bulbs than we'll ever need (especially since these CFs and LEDs are supposed to last practically forever!) So we have a cabinet full of light bulbs.

Côte d'Ivoire
Tuesday 05th of January 2010 3:17 pm

Product: A cell phone   A cell phone...for a woman in Texas...because they were special Internet friends.

Vatican City
Wednesday 06th of January 2010 2:08 pm

Product: American Airlines   My stupid husband was convinced this would get us through the security lines quicker. No such luck. I said "If you want to get through quicker, stop sending weaponized Anthrax to Hamas, Idiot!" Husbands!

United Arab Emirates
Monday 18th of January 2010 5:26 am

Product: One of everything in the Ikea Market Hall   By the time you get all the way through the Ikea store and on the lower floor "Market Hall" on your way to the exit, the Ikea customer's sales resistance is low and the customer buys one of everything. Pillows, plants, shower curtains, baskets, clocks, whatever. We have both done this and agreed with the other's idea of what to buy just to get out of there. Why don't people just cook Swedish meatballs at home and give the money directly to Goodwill?

United States
Tuesday 19th of January 2010 6:10 pm

Product: Para-Ordnance pistol   It wasn't that he bought it, it was that he put it in bluing solution and FORGOT IT for a week. Totally destroyed a $900 gun. Also, the time he got water in his Citizen watch and put it under a lamp to dry out and FORGOT IT until the face was destroyed. And the wedding rings, $100+ knives and so on he has lost. Good thing I love him and he loves me, I will keep him anyway.

United States
Thursday 21st of January 2010 9:25 am

Product: Megalodon Shark Tooth   Just wanted one.

United States
Thursday 21st of January 2010 10:43 pm

Product: Speed-reading cassette tape set   A tape set? Do we even have anything in the house that plays cassettes? And hubby doesn't even like to read. He falls asleep when reading anything... Whew! I feel better, thanks!

Wednesday 27th of January 2010 6:03 am

Product: buy wow gold   Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing some research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! buy wow gold http://www.wow-gold-team.com

Saturday 19th of January 2013 5:37 am

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December 8, 2009  

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