Things I Figured Out: Reader Submissions.

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When a small child says, even once, "I think I have to go potty", and then changes their mind and doesn't want to go- escort them to the bathroom and ensure that they go potty. You'll find out the hard way if you don't.

when i lived next door to people who had horses, i used to stroke the horses and whatever, and get a waxy substance on my hand after. i figured that this was to stop the hair getting too wet and the horses getting too cold. 

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh". Or, to put it in Freudian terms, there's no such thing as a joke. When speaking to some people, it's best to take everything they say very, very literally. Keep that information strictly to yourself, and be forewarned about the kind of behavior you can expect from them in different circumstances. However in conversation with them, it is best to respond on their level- fake it until you can exit that conversation. This will help you avoid the creeps and abusers that come along sometimes.


It is best to buy the best shoes, the best car, and the best bed that you can afford. You will be spending about 100% of your life in one or the other of them, so you ought to be comfortable.


When rolling your coins using flat coin sleeves, count out the change first, then place one of your fingers inside the roll to expand the sleeve. Place a few coins in the sleeve at a time and use your inserted finger to steady them in place. After about 1/3 of the sleeve is filled, add the remaining coins.


When your car decelerates, a helium balloon inside the car will float to the back of the car, in contrast to everything else that rolls to the front.

water is 2 parts hydrogen, 1 part oxygen


pickles are cucumbers
I have some advice: typing "www." and ".com" is a waste of time. Just type "cockeyed" and then press Ctrl and Enter and it'll fill in the rest for you. I just saved you eight keystrokes!

-Brandon Dilbeck


If your boiled dumplings are tough, they are overdone. You cannot possibly soften them by further boiling - you will only make them worse.
Brushing your gums is actually good for them, not injury-causing, as you might expect.


Game controllers are meant to be held gently. Pushing the buttons harder will not make your character jump higher, run faster, or fight harder, and your thumbs will blister.


None of your laundry really needs to be tumble-dryed (although duvets will take forever if you don't). Air drying is much better.


water expands when it freezes.
The idea that the moon comes out at night is wrong.
The moon is up during the day for about half the month.
The stars and planets are up during the day too, but the sky is usually too bright to see them.


Farmers like to tell you that their four week olds kittens are seven weeks, to get rid of them sooner.


Jello(R) is solid-ish at room temperature! When you make it, you use HOT water and then put it in the fridge. However, the fridge only speeds up the solidification (jelloification?) of the product. If you leave Jello out of the fridge at a comfertable temp., it will not melt. I witnessed a bowl of the stuff last for 3 days in a closet before being trashed.


I found that chicken fried steak has no chicken in it.


Static Guard is next to the starch in Walmart


A bicycle wheel behaves like a circular suspension bridge only it starts out fully loaded and riding unloads it locally.
Green, black, white, red, and oolong tea are all made by steeping the same plant - the only difference is the amount of leaf oxidation., no...never...forget to check your references. (I like to "get down" verbally)
"As you knead dough many important things take place: the gluten becomes developed so the bread can rise to its fullest, air bubbles are incorporated into the dough necessary for the dough's rise and the ingredients are redistributed for the yeast to feed on resulting in a more active fermentation. This enables the dough to expand to it fullest during the rising and baking steps." You should always mix for at least 7 minutes.


Windows key + D = show desktop. All my friends love that one.


NEVER lick the cake off of a knife.


Having to work two more weeks after quitting isn't fun.

If an ad tells you to send a self-addressed, stamped envelope, it doesn't mean to send a sealed but empty envelope that you addressed and stamped yourself. They want an empty envelope with a stamp on it IN the envelope that has YOUR address in the "to:" area.


Stay in school. No, really.


Give head. Everyone requires it. Particularly women.


You can indeed get a stitch through a thumbnail. And that novocaine shot likely didn't penetrate far enough, so brace yourself.


We're all on the same side. Everyone.
We all have the same goal. We all just want happiness.
There isn't any need to fuss about it.
Just recognize that my happiness depends on your happiness, vice-versa, and et cetera.

No one can really be happy with themselves unless they feel free to be themselves.


Parents weren't trained to do what they do, so forgive their mistakes.


In Mexico, when the exchange rate of Pesos and US Dolores changes, the prices of just about everything change. But in the US, when the rate changes, the prices stay the same. Which makes US dollars more valuable no matter what the rate is. So next time your in Mexico and you think you're getting ripped off, you probably are. Offer a much lower price than the USD equivalent, but in US dollars. It almost always works.


The dollar, or any other currency for that matter, is just a poor unit of measurement for worth.


Very nice discoveries...I'm 21 and just figured out the "black, white and read all over" joke.

Truly, people only make money on other people's backs.


the arby's logo is a hat. For the longest time, it baffled me as to what the red loopy thing was that said "Arby's". It's a hat.

Also, the saturn logo is a side view of the planet. this was definitely a holy-crap moment for me. I always thought it was neat little swooshy things.

Maybe I'm just a moron.


iron the sleeves of a shirt first


My biggest "duh" moment was when I discovered that the "afternoon" was called that because it's after noon.


records sound better than CD's/DVD's/other digital media because they are uncompressed data. CD's and such have the data turned into 0's and 1's so therefore can't truly produce all the sounds that where fed into it. records, on the other hand, are analog so they produce the exactly the same sounds fed into it. try it yourself! (the difference is easier to hear with expensive stereo systems though)


everyone eventually duct tapes their babies diapers, or you can imagine what happens if you don't
When you take your sweatshirt off, your shirt comes up.


The brand of pretzels "rold gold" is saying the pretzels are "rolled gold"


My dog isn't sad when I'm gone all day - she LOVES sleeping until 5:30, and gets angry when I come home early and interupt her schedule. Which makes me a little sad.


Ball point pens are called that for a reason! There is a little ball on the end that rolls against the ink cartridge on the inside of the pen and then rolls onto the paper. And when it dries, you can lick the tip to remoisten the ink! penerotica!


In response to your candle bit, I've discovered (at an early age no less) that you can actually set wax on fire.

I used to cover rocks with wax, and just constantly expose it to fire (wood underneath the rock, lighters, whatever I could find). Initially the wax will just melt and get really hot. Eventually though, the wax itself will catch fire and you get yourself a neat little burning rock. Depending on how much wax has been taken up by the rock, it can burn for quite some time. Same principle as a candlewick, except .. a rock.

Great fun!


Hey Rob......When I was about 10, I found out that if a long sleeve shirt comes out of the dryer with one sleeve inside out, this is easily corrected by putting the shirt on as is, grabbing the inside out cuff with your protruding hand and pulling the sleeve back through the shoulder hole. Then re-insert arm into newly righted sleeve. I figured this out the day after I learned I had a protruding hand. Your Canadian bud, Gord.


After mid-May, schools no longer send in attendance data for money. So a kid who misses that last day of school doesn't cost the school money.

Oh, and eating a ton of oreos can make your poop black!


Sugar burns.


all cell phones are NOT required to have GPS tracking in them, but instead must contain a way to easily track its location. Instead of using a satellite, the phone actually times how long a signal takes to get to one tower and then to another tower, and then using simple physics (velocity=distance/time) and simple geometry your position is triangulated. Isnt that interesting? When the first cell phones came out, anyone who could send signals to your phone via multiple towers could have tracked you *cough*government*cough*
So unless the three little letters GPS appear somewhere on the outside of your phone, your phone does not have a GPS chip, so stop asing the cell company to track your phone because it fell off your lap when you were getting out of your car and you didnt notice because you were explaining to your friend how they can track your cell phone without a GPS embedded in it. ...

no matter what anyone ever says, glass is hard.


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June 14th, 2006 

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